Merrily We Go to Hell Page #3

You won, probably,

when Joan first met you.

Be good to her, Corbett.

She's just a child.

I'm not.

Father, it's all right.

I mean, you want me to

marry Jerry now, don't you?

Because I love him.

I want you to be happy, dear, more

than anything else in the world,

and if marrying Jerry

will make you that way,

then I want it

for you, of course.

Jerry.

I only thought you should

wait a little longer

so you both

could be sure.

You don't wait

when you're in love.

You don't have to wait.

You are sure.

Sure of everything when you're

in love, aren't you, Jerry?

Joan looks too sweet for

words tonight, doesn't she?

Yes, but where's

her fianc?

After all, what's an announcement

party without a fianc?

Probably much more

decorative without him.

Wouldn't you be happy if it

was your announcement party?

Good heavens, no.

Not that I wouldn't have

taken a chance with you, Joan.

You only say that

because you're safe now.

Excuse me a moment,

will you?

I'll finish the dance

with you later.

Well?

I've phoned everywhere.

He can't be found.

He'll be here

any minute, I'm sure.

Of course, but I don't

like Jerry being so late.

It's humiliating for you.

Joan.

What is it, Charlcie?

Joan, someone's

waiting for you outside.

You'd better go out

and see him.

What's the matter, Buck?

Has something

happened to Jerry?

He's all right.

Well, where is he?

He's home.

It won't do any good

to go down there, Joan.

Joan!

Joan!

He didn't mean

to do it, Joan.

It was the excitement

as much as the liquor.

But you don't understand.

This is my announcement party.

He can't do this to me.

Help me do something.

Charlcie, we've

got to do something.

Isn't there anything?

Well, I did

everything possible,

gave him a shower and walked

him all over the lakefront,

but he passed out

on me in the cab.

I thought maybe by the time

we got over here that...

Charlcie, I can't go back in there.

I just couldn't

stand the humiliation.

I simply couldn't.

I couldn't.

Joan. Joan!

And your mother thought

you'd be president.

Why, they'd never even let you

be vice president, do you hear?

Not even vice president!

Don't worry, Joan. I'll take

care of everything in the house.

What do I care

about those people now.

I know, Joan, but you'd be a

fool to care about Jerry now.

Any girl would have to

be utterly mad about a man

to marry him after this.

At any rate, he showed

up for the wedding.

Yes.

Repeat after me.

I, Gerald,

take thee, Joan.

I, Jerry...

I, Gerald,

take thee, Joan.

To my wedded wife.

To have and to hold.

From this day forward.

For better, for worse.

For richer, for poorer.

Get a load of Buck,

will you?

According to

God's holy ordinance.

And thereto

I plight thee my troth.

And thereto

I plight thee my troth.

Loose hands.

Now, take Gerald's hand

and repeat after me.

I, Joan,

take thee, Gerald.

I, Joan,

take thee, Gerald.

To my wedded husband.

To have and to hold.

From this day forward.

For better, for worse.

For richer, for poorer.

In sickness

and in health.

To love and to cherish.

Till death us do part.

According to

God's holy ordinance.

And thereto I

give thee my troth.

Loose hands. The ring.

You didn't give it to me.

Bless, O Lord, this ring, that he

who gives it and she who wears it

may abide in thy

peace and continue

in thy favor unto

their life's end.

Amen.

Now place it on

Joan's finger.

Hold it there and

repeat after me.

With this ring...

...I thee wed.

Amen.

Now loose hands.

Almost got me.

I wish it had.

Jerry, you're impossible.

What did you do with the ring?

I ought to be shot.

I lost it.

Well, merrily

we go to hell.

Merrily you stop this

and go to work.

Come on.

Sweetheart.

Yes, dear?

Don't you think

I've done enough today?

How many pages?

Two. And a half.

You know you do

three pages a day.

You're not

Mrs. Jerry Corbett.

You're Mrs. Simon Legree

and I'm poor old Uncle Tom.

Jerry's sure game, pure venison

from the hoof to the antlers.

I thought I'd been to

every kind of a party,

but this is the first time I've

ever been to a rejection celebration.

The kid's keeping

a stiff upper lip,

but, Vi, really he's

all broken up about it.

Of course. Never give a woman credit

for keeping up

a man's spirits.

First she gave me

gingerbread

And then she gave me cake

And then she gave me crme de

menthe for meeting her at the gate

So you see, children,

those are the two great dates

of American history,

1492, when Columbus

discovered America,

and 1932, when America failed

to discover Gerald Corbett.

Don't be depressed, darling.

Depressed? It's true.

I've died, gone to heaven,

or maybe I'm just going to have

roast chicken Southern style.

Do you think you can

carry it without spilling?

Watch me, Mrs. Legree!

Careful, Jerry!

Twenty years experience, Mrs.

Legree, in the best hotels.

Jerry.

Well, I was just

trying to help.

That's all right.

This is a rejection party,

and Jerry has rejected

the chicken.

I'm awful sorry, Joanie.

Honey, it's all right.

I love you so much

it doesn't matter.

You go down to the store

and get some canned chicken.

I'll have it ready

in no time. All right.

Here's something to

clean up the floor.

Anything I can do, Joan?

Yeah, you can

clean up the floor.

Supposing I go to

the store and you...

My dear fellow, I go to

stores better than you do,

and you clean up

floors better than I do.

You've had

more experience.

What this country needs is

less people who drop things.

I was like this once,

just getting

started and all that.

Let me be a little sad, will you?

You'll get over it.

You'll meet someone else.

Would you get

over loving Jerry?

Well, my love for my husband

was like your love for Jerry.

Not all people

love that way.

It usually turns out pretty

tragically when something goes wrong.

Don't let anything

go wrong, Joan,

or if it does, take my

advice and get out in time.

I'm a fool.

But, Joan, you and Jerry

are gonna be so happy.

Why, people for miles around

are coming to stare at you.

Treason! Treason! It

isn't a Prentice product!

I'll see who it is, and I'll

stop Buck from talking to himself.

Jerry, I won't

ever lose you, will I?

Darling, if this thing

slips once more,

you'll be a penniless

widow tonight.

You love me enough to keep me

just as I am, don't you, Jerry?

Hey, I think you're swell.

It's a telegram.

What is it?

We're rich!

We're famous.

We're celebrities!

Jerry!

I'll go tell Buck.

Yeah, my boy,

it's the kind of a play

that's either going to be a

great flop or a great smash.

If it's all the same to you,

I should prefer a great smash.

That's what it's gonna be.

No, thank you. No, I'm

on the wagon for life.

So?

Yeah.

No, thank you.

Excuse me.

Wait.

Wait until you see who

I've got to play your lead.

It's true she's gonna be

infernally hard to handle, but...

I don't see why

you say that, Jake.

Because I'm really

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