Metroland Page #4

without me.

"Eat the rich.

L ove, Toni. "

You're meant to be here

you bastard.

Not bloody Afghanistan.

a y est.

C'est fait.

Quoi, donc?

Ce matin madame m'a dit

que son chocolat tait froid.

a a fait tilt.

Je suis descendu

la cave

j'ai pris une hache

je I'ai dcoupe

en tous petis morceaux.

T'aurais vu le sang.

Vous avez tu votre femme?

Pas vraiment.

Mais on peut rver.

Bonjour.

C'est vous qui

les avez prises?

Oui.

Elles sont gniales.

Ah... Non, elles

sont pas mal.

Je m 'appelle Chris.

Chris Lloyd.

Enchant.

Enchant.

Je m 'appelle Annick.

Annick.

Vous tes anglais, alors?

Oui.

J'entends a.

Alexandria Quartet. Ah.

Yes.

Vous lisez mountolive?

Yes.

Anglais?

Uh-huh.

I'm practicing.

I love speaking English,

but, uh...

you know, I make

so many mistakes.

No... It sounds good to me.

Um, did you read

the first two?

Yeah, of course.

I mean, if I started

reading a quartet

on the third book,

I might get a bit lost.

Yeah... Yeah, right.

Absolutely.

Yeah, you'd have to be

really stupid

to start on the third book,

wouldn't you?

Yes, of course.

Which, um, you're not,

I'm sure... stupid...

I mean.

Wouldyou like

another drink?

Yes.

Right.

I'd like that.

a commence toujours

comme a avec les filles.

Un petit blanc sec-

et boum.

Your cock in the mangle.

I love to drink

a little bit.

Mmm.

Makes me

less inhibited.

Yeah, me, too.

Trouble is, I get

so uninhibited, I pass out.

What's wrong?

Nothing.

You keep staring at me.

I'm sorry.

Have I got something

on my face?

No! No, no, no,

not at all, um...

It's just... you're so...

Oh, God. Sorry.

No, I'm just...

What I'm trying to say is,

you're really...

Well-read?

Yeah, exactly.

Annick.

Hmm?

Ony va, on va tre en retard.

Oui,j'arrive.

Well...

It was, uh,

real nice meeting you.

Yeah.

Bye.

Annick! Do you want

to see a film on Friday?

There's a new Bresson.

Friday, um...

Yes, at, uh...

6:
00 here?

Yeah.

Bye.

So what did you think?

Oh, I think it

is so, so sad.

It's so true,

you know?

And lots of

little things.

Lots of humor.

Humor... maybe.

Ah, no...

you mean sad humor.

You're absolutely right,

yeah. Um...

not the funny sort.

No.

The human comedy.

Yes.

No, not the kind of humor

you laugh at.

No, no.

Well...

So...

Let's walk.

Yeah.

Yeah, where to?

I don't know.

Who cares?

What?

Oh, no, sorry.

No, I just wish, um...

My friend Toni

was here to see this

'cause we always dreamed

about being boulevardiers.

Now I'm about to be one.

Quite.

# Tous les garcons et les filles

de mon age #

# Se promnent dans la rue deux

par deux#

# Tous les garcons et les filles

de mon ge #

# Savent bien ce que c'est

d'tre heureux #

# Et les yeux dans les yeux #

# Et la main, dans la main... #

Oh, qu'il fait beau.

So French.

Ah, c'est

le Palais Royal, a.

I had lunch there

with my boss.

Oh, nice.

#... Je vais seule

par les rues... #

You're very clever.

No. I'm not.

You think so?

#... Carpersonne ne m'aime... #

I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

# Mesjours comme mes nuis #

# Sont en tous points pareils #

# Sansjoies

et pleins d'ennuis... #

You're mad.

# Personne ne murmure "je t'aime"

mon oreille #

# Les garcons et les filles

de mon ge... #

Sorry.

Slowly. Slowly.

Slowly.

Is it the first time?

Huh?

Is it the first time?

No.

No, I've slept

with loads ofwomen.

Er... Well, you know,

a... some.

Well, one or two.

Um, shall I...

Shall I put something on?

Yes.

Please.

Okay.

Oh, sh*t.

No, I can't...

Let's try.

Okay, give it to me.

God.

Dear, dear.

Uh...

No. I'm going to do it.

It's okay.

Did you come?

No.

Oh, God. Sorry.

Oh, no, it's okay.

I usually don't

the first time.

Oh.

I like the sound of that.

Implies there's

going to be a second.

Oh, I hope so

if it's what you want.

Well, yeah, I like

to sell my women into slavery

after ravishing them

usually, but, um...

Is that right?

In your case, I'm prepared

to make an exception.

Mm-hmm.

I'll be back.

Look, um, I'm sorry.

I'm...

You probably noticed.

I'm not...

I'm not very experienced.

Uh...

Have you been with many men?

Oh, thousands.

Silly.

I never thought the sound

of a flushing toilet could be sexy

but I guess it depends

who's doing the flushing.

Very funny.

Well, at least I can

keep you entertained

while you're not coming.

Hmm?

Pourtoi.

We're here.

Mmm...

How are you feeling?

Wonderful.

You don't have to speak English

ifyou don't want to.

No. I want to improve.

I want to.

I want to...

What the word?

"Impress" on you.

You do impress on me

all the time.

Your English hardly needs

improving at all.

Your English

is wonderful.

Oh, liar.

Tell me whatyou're feeling

but not just

generally like- exactly.

Fine.

Normal, I suppose.

Okay, now, I want really

what you're feeling.

Tell me.

Um...

Um...

Uh, I don't know.

Um...

I don't know.

You go first.

Well, okay, let's try.

Um, well, um, I'm amused

and surprised

that I have a beautiful

English boyfriend

and, um...

guilty about what my mother

would say about the sex.

And, um...

anxious for her

opinion ofyou

and, uh, maybe

a little bit worried

that I'm not quite

clever enough foryou.

And that you might

want a girlfriend

who's more

than just a secretary.

That's it.

Now you try.

Right, um...

Well, I'm content,

peaceful, tranquil

with, um...

an undercurrent of turbulence.

My God, what was that?

The weather forecast?

Or...?

Please.

I mean, it's not a test.

Don't look so worried.

No, no. It's...

In England, when, uh,

you ask somebody

how they are, you know,

it's just... words.

It's just a courtesy.

The last thing in the world

that you expect

is that they're going

to actually tell you.

Yeah.

You're so direct.

Where did you learn

to be so sincere?

What do you mean, "learn"?

I mean, eitheryou say

what's truthful

oryou don't.

That's it?

Yes.

You look so scared.

Comment savoir

sije suis amoreux?

Quand ta maison est en feu,

tu le sais.

C'est tout.

Right arm around the wicket.

Four balls to come. Play.

It's a glorious run-

surely the century.

Sorry.

Oh, it's a good one.

My run!

Putain!

God... Sorry.

Are you okay?

Pourquoi lesAnglais

sont-ils toujours si anglais?

Je suis venu ici

pour eviter tout a.

I think the natives

are getting restless.

Why, what did he say?

Um, something unflattering

about the English, I think.

Ecoutez, a va, allez faire

les idiots ailleurs.

Did you get

any of that?

Maybe he wants to take

our picture.

Do you think

he's putting on an act?

Do you think

he's English himself?

Are you?

He certainly acts

like the real thing.

Well, speaking for myself

I could do with a vin rouge.

Any takers?

Yeah.

Come on.

Are you coming?

Why not?

Monsieur et madame.

So, why were you pretending

to be French, then?

Well, you know

the bloody English abroad-

they're always complaining,

aren't they?

It's always something.

It's either the food or the beer

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