Mickybo and Me Page #3

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You can have the top bunk.

Any chance of a cup of tea?

- Hello.

- Put JonJo on.

- What?

- I'd like to speak to my son.

You dragged him off with you.

He's not here now.

He's run off from Rita's.

For God's sake.

He'll turn up when he gets hungry.

If I see him, I'll send him over to you.

Unless he wants to stay here.

I might not lose track of him,

like some.

Mummy!

Mickybo, I've got to go back.

- Barney's gonna kill my mum.

- What are you talking about?

Are you crying?

Will you catch yourself on, son.

Barney's not got your ma.

He's dead, remember?

And we robbed his gun.

So if you want to go back

and get caught, that's fine.

You'll only slow me down anyway.

I had a bad dream. I'm sorry.

Are you going back?

No, I just got confused.

- OK.

- I'm not a baby.

And I'll not slow you down.

OK.

But the minute you start to whine,

or make a nuisance,

I'm dumping you flat.

Let me do the talking. Say nothing

till we find out what they know.

- Where you headed, amigos?

- Australia.

Well, this must be

your lucky day. Hop on in.

We Interrupt this programme

for a news flash.

Ma, it's our Micky.

... regarding two Belfast boys

who are missing.

Turn it up.

And Michael Boyle, aged 8. Anyone

with information should contact...

Is the youngster with him?

The boys are believed to be armed and

should be approached with caution.

So you boys

off to join the circus or what?

No, mister, we're cowboys on the run.

Heading south. We murdered

a grumpy git back in Belfast.

He was an old bastard

with no friends and a gammy leg.

We're gonna rob us some banks,

then climb the border fence,

then get the ferry.

You've been busy boys.

He's the Sundance Kid. The best shot.

I'm Butch Cassidy,

the brains of the gang.

Oh, Jesus, I've heard of you fellas.

Yous are ruthless

cold-blooded outlaws all right.

Fugitives from justice, hey?

Aye. And if you don't turn us in,

we'll not kill you

cos we're in a good mood today, OK?

Sounds fair to me, boys,

a life for a life.

Aye.

No, look, they're both as right as rain.

Look, just tell their folks

not to worry, all right?

Look, I'll buy them some sweets

and hold them till you get here, OK.

All right.

- Are you sure?

- Go back and ask him, JonJo.

- But he gave us a lift.

- Won't you ever wise up?

He robbed our gun

and was gonna turn us in for a reward.

It's lucky one of us has brains.

Without me,

you'd be behind bars a long time ago.

Oh, I just stood

in something horrible.

It's probably sheep sh*t.

It could be a cow's or a horse's.

Or maybe a dog with diarrhea.

It's all through the gaps in my sandals.

It's gonna stink my socks.

I'm sure you can get

new ones in Australia.

We're gonna need

something for the getaway.

- I can't drive. Can you?

- Don't be thick, JonJo.

I'm a kid.

I can't even reach the pedals.

- That's your great idea.

- The latest in a long line.

It's just a dumb animal.

Give us a hand.

Down there.

See? It's a cinch.

Hi-ho, Silver, away!

Yee-hah!

Slap its arse or something.

Jesus, JonJo, you're like a wee girl.

Belt it.

No wonder they bloody invented cars.

You'd better be here

when I come running out.

Just you do your bit.

I'll be here and I'll be ready.

Manos arriba!

I said manos arriba, missus.

Put up your hands. This is a stick up.

Oh, and who might this young man be?

The wee dote. Is it John Wayne himself?

I say he's more like Jimmy Stewart.

The Man Who Shot Liberty Valance.

- Smashing film that.

- Was that not Lee Marvin?

No, that was the Duke, for sure.

The Quiet Man.

Ah, you're right. Jimmy Stewart.

A strapping big tall man,

with big soft eyes. But rough.

I used to love him in them

Albert Hitchcock films. Rear Window.

Oh, aye, with Gene Kelly, the princess.

She was some looker. I'd have

run off with her in a heartbeat.

She'll be disappointed

at having missed that chance, love.

Hey, listen to me. I'm Butch Cassidy

and I'm robbing this bank.

Sorry, son,

we're holding up your hold up.

Gabbing away like senile old half-wits.

Come on, give the wee gun-slinger

a crumb from your table.

Here you are.

Go and buy yourself some sweets.

Buy yourself something nice.

And I'll need something for the Sundance

Kid. He's outside keeping watch.

Quick, JonJo, pedal like shite!

Faster, JonJo, pedal faster!

- Yee-hah!

- Yee-hah!

It was a cinch. They were all

sh*t scared, up against the wall.

With their hands up. Even the guard.

- Were you not a wee bit frightened?

- No way.

Look at that.

Be careful with that.

What one did you get?

Better luck next time, Sundance.

How do you tell the difference

between the twins?

I just can. They're a wee bit different.

They're both wee b*tches.

They've probably

already taken my bedroom.

You're so lucky getting a Chopper bike.

My da just buys me ice-cream every week.

Last year, I done this beezer drawing

of a bomber plane for my dad.

I gave it to him in the bar.

And he showed all his mates

and they said it was pure class.

He bought me my very own drink.

When he got home,

the twins started reading poems.

So I said to my dad

to show them all the picture.

He forgot all about it.

Left it behind him in the bar.

The twins just f***ing laughed

into my face.

Well, they can all die for all I care.

Are you OK?

Oh, sh*t!

- Do something, JonJo.

- What like?

I don't know. Just get me down.

Help me, JonJo.

I'm bloody melting up here!

- Go to that end!

- That's the wrong way!

Just do it!

Push out the bales!

Come on, you'll have to jump!

Are you nuts? I'll break my neck!

You've got to. Otherwise you're toast!

Butch?

Mickybo, say something.

I want to do that again.

Come on, Mickybo.

Someone's coming, Mickybo. Come on!

For a moment there,

I thought we were in trouble.

- Are you taking me home?

- We're still looking for your friend.

So you'll be our guest for the evening.

He's my partner.

He'll find me and rescue me.

Then we'll escape.

Micky, thanks for the tip off.

We'd better send for reinforcements.

Don't bother your hole. You'll not catch

him. He's the fastest runner in Ireland.

How'd you know my name?

Did Fartface squeal?

Half the country's been looking for you.

Aye, son, you're like wanted men.

Beezer.

Without my partner,

I was like a wounded man.

But the memory of what I'd seen at home,

and the fear of what

was waiting for me back there,

drove me on.

Dear Jesus,

please ask your dad

to look after my mum.

She's at my Auntie Ritas house.

And tell my mum

I'm sorry for making her worry.

And please ask him

to keep Mickybo out of prison.

He never actually killed anyone.

Not since I've known him anyway.

Thanks.

Amen.

Is he all right?

Good.

They have him. He's fine.

Right. Great. See you later. Bye.

Hello.

Hello.

Hello.

Hello. Who is it?

Come on, Kemo Sabe.

Time to mosey on home.

Hello, Belfast 324165.

- Is Mickybo there?

- No, the police has him.

- Can I talk to your dad, then?

- We're not allowed to wake him.

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