Middle School: The Worst Years of My Life Page #6

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man, by the way.

I might have overlooked

one violation,

but two violations

has pushed it too far.

This shirt of yours

goes against the dress code

as stipulated in rule number 22.

So you've got detention.

Two weeks.

Principal Dwight, you can't dictate

what we wear after school.

You're on my campus.

And when you're on my campus,

you're under my rules.

You're very close to violating

rule number one.

Respect your principal.

That's the most important rule.

That's why I made it number one.

Do you want

a detention too, huh?

No, sir.

I've got infinite detentions

to hand out.

You sure you don't want one?

No, sir.

Okay. Well,

watch the attitude.

Because I'd say, the only thing

around here that's on thin ice...

Is you. See?

'Cause you've been

talking about thin ice.

And that's a way of saying

that someone is in trouble.

I don't know

what's going on with Rafe.

He didn't even try

my candied bacon tarts

with goat cheese Ganache.

Ooh! More for me.

You know, I just wish I knew

what was going on

with him lately.

Jules, I say this with love.

Rafe is one

messed up little dude.

No, he's not. No. He's

dealing with a lot of stuff.

Well, who isn't?

I mean, I'm not,

'cause I'm awesome.

But I do think little dudes that

are too attached to their moms...

Please, no. What?

They're more considerate,

and kinder,

and have empathy towards others?

Exactly.

They're soft.

Look, I'm just saying. I think

therapy might be a good idea.

You know, a professional

that he can talk to,

to help him

deal with things better.

Yeah. Maybe.

You really think it could help if

he saw someone on a weekly basis?

Weekly, on a daily basis maybe.

Huh?

Hmm?

Yeah. No, you know what?

I'll do the research

for you, huh?

That way, you can focus on work.

Really?

Yeah.

Babe...

I'm here for you.

I have to tell you,

it's such a relief

to have someone else

to share all the...

I'm sorry. Game's on.

Oh! Oh.

Yeah. Thanks.

Get back to the game.

Okay. Yeah.

Phone lady,

find military schools

for kids you don't like.

I find

no Applebee's in your area.

That's not what I...

I didn't... hey!

All right, search for ways to get

rid of kids that aren't yours.

Calling mommy.

No. Don't call mommy mobile.

Stop, stop, stop!

Hang up! Hang up!

Hey, mom!

Carl, is that you again? No.

I think we're breaking up.

I'm breaking up.

Gotta go.

It's too easy.

I'm just sick and tired

of all these bullies

thinking they can do

whatever they want.

No risk, no reward.

But we have to fight.

Now that's

a musketeer thing to say.

You ready to witness

my greatest masterpiece?

Hey, Rafe,

are you okay up there?

Because if you fall, I am not

giving you mouth-to-mouth.

Good.

Thanks in advance.

All of this for a girl?

Is she really worth it?

Leo,

for Jeanne Galleta,

I would walk through fire

just to see her smile.

Grak-tung.

Grak-tung.

Rafe.

Jeez, Georgia, are you trying

to give me a heart attack?

Where have you been?

It's none of your business.

Now go to bed.

Can't sleep.

Wanna know why?

Because I'm worried about you.

Are you happy? You've turned

me into a grandma.

Georgia, you're gonna need

at least, like, five cats

before you're officially

a grandma.

Rafe, this is serious.

Georgia, don't cry.

Okay? I'm fine.

No, you're not.

You're secretive.

And when you're not sad,

you're angry.

I came in here tonight

to warn you.

I don't know what

you're up to every night,

but it has to stop,

whatever it is.

Because if bear catches you,

he's gonna ship you off to some

military school for bad kids.

Wait, what?

I heard him talking about it

with mom tonight.

He has her believing

you're really messed up.

He's the one that's messed up.

Rafe, listen to me.

He has it out for us.

And I know I talk a big game,

but I can't handle him

all by myself.

Please, Rafe. Promise me.

No more trouble. Please.

Fine.

I promise.

No more trouble.

Thanks, dork.

Yeah, whatever, loser.

Dude, this next one is gonna

put us over a million hits.

I'm not gonna do it, all right?

I promised Georgia.

But you gotta do it.

The b.L.A.A.R.'S tomorrow.

We can't let up now.

Listen. They fixed the bell.

It's gonna be like none

of this even happened.

Look, Leo, we're just kids.

Okay? Dwight was

always gonna win.

But what happened to

making a difference?

What happened to

not being pushed around,

and fighting for your freedom?

Okay, Dwight, bear, Miller?

They happened.

And I'm not trying

to make a difference.

I'm trying to make it through

middle school.

Well, gang,

this is going to be harder

on you than it is on me.

I'm afraid I have reason

to believe that this classroom

is the epicenter

for the vicious pranks

our school has endured

this semester.

In fact,

this entire class

is under suspicion.

That's a pretty serious

accusation there, Dwight.

Well, it's a pretty

serious offense.

And I have proof.

Come with me.

Spray paint.

Pink hair dye.

Fish food.

Post-it notes.

And balls.

Effective immediately,

all of your students are

suspended for one week!

What? No!

Wait a minute. These kids

maybe troublemakers,

they may not be "a" students,

a lot of them smell weird,

but they are

smart enough to know

you don't leave hard evidence

inside their lockers.

These are hardly the masterminds

of such an extravagant prank.

If anything, I would say,

that this seems like a setup.

Are you insinuating

that this is a setup?

Yeah. That's why I just said

this seems like a setup.

I don't like that.

Because it almost sounds like

you're thinking this is a setup.

I think before we do anything,

like suspend anybody

or anything like that,

we talk to someone

who has some real authority,

like superintendent HWANG.

Oh, I have real authority,

Mr. teller.

I'm the principal

of this school.

Yeah, but someone who has

real power to make decisions.

That's what I have.

Power to make decisions.

Let's talk to the person that,

like, can make something happen.

Mmm.

You know, Mr. teller,

your continued denials

in the face

of this overwhelming evidence

leads me to believe that

you must be involved somehow.

I'm afraid I have no choice

but to fire you.

You have

a thousand other choices.

I guess that's true.

I probably do have a few other

choices, don't I?

Well, the one I'm going with

is "fire you."

All right, everyone, pack up all of

your things while we call your parents.

And, Mr. teller, good luck

finding another job.

Without my recommendation,

I'm afraid.

I'm tired of that guy

busting my balls.

Yes, hello. I was thinking

of having a large

number one

tattooed onto my back.

Is it necessary

to make an appointment?

Oh, okay. Well, what sorts

of openings do you...

Um... I need to

call you back.

Principal Dwight?

What are you still doing here?

I did it.

You did what?

You destroyed my book,

so I wanted to destroy yours.

"Rules aren't for everyone."

R-a-f-e, Rafe. Me.

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