Midnight Sex Run Page #9

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She called you a dickless

Momma's boy and then laughed.

She did not say that.

She would never say that.

He's crying.

You made him cry.

No, you made him cry.

Apologize to him.

Hey, Jeff. I'm sorry, man.

We're sorry.

You can't talk to my thing like that.

Why you 'otta have your

mouths sewn shut.

And you're well on your way

to becoming bastards.

No, no, no. Wait, wait, wait.

Don't touch our dads.

Just give us our next target.

Just tell us who to f***.

Just don't touch our dads you

old, nasty sh*t head.

That's no way to speak to your elders.

Your next target...

... a dog.

A slobbery, flea ridden,

testicle lapping dog.

That's what you deserve,

so that's what you get.

Rin tin tin.

[shatter]...

... What'd you do that for?

We're gonna go kill 'em.

Really?

I'm not f***ing the dog.

Okay. Let's do it.

MUSIC...

... What are you doing?

I'm looking for something

to kill them with.

Mmm. What do you got?

I got some f***in' old New Yorkers,

I got some tennis balls,

I got this sweater,

we could smother them

with the sweater.

Might be hard to corral.

How about we just beat them to death?

Alright.

Jeff too? Or just the mom?

'Cause I'm not sure he needs to go.

We'll play it by ear.

Good idea, I don't know why we

didn't think of this sooner.

You know, when I was a kid my

dad to me for ice cream once.

And on the ride home, he put

his hand on my knee.

And he started moving it up

higher, and higher, and higher.

He was laughing the whole time but um--...

...I don't know. I think he was

just testing my limits.

But I didn't care. It just felt nice to be--...

... --to be touched by him.

Yeah.

He loves you.

Your dad loves you, Ted.

Yeah.

Your dad loves you.

And that's something worth fighting for.

Yeah it is.

You know...

...I can't help think that maybe

all this wouldn't of happened...

... if we'd been dads by now.

You know. If we had kids of our own.

Well, I guess we forgot.

MUSIC...

...What are you boys doing here?

Have you gotten to ten? Don't

tell me you've finished already.

Not even close.

Then what is it?

Mother, we're going to kill you.

You'll never find your dads in time.

Yes we will. Jeff will tell us.

Probably. He's weak. But you

won't have a chance to hear him.

Really? Why is that?

Because you'll have blood in your ears.

Ahh.

STOP.

Jeff? Get back in your chair.

No Mother.

Leave my friends alone.

They've been through enough.

But honey,

an eye for an eye.

They must be punished.

To what end, mother?

We've spent our whole lives

trying to punish them,

but we've just punished ourselves.

Dad did not leave

because I was castrated.

We drove him away because of our

ruinous obsession with revenge.

We did that.

And now it's over, Joyce.

It's all over.

C'mon, guys. Let's go hang

out in my room.

[crying]...

... Come. It's okay.

This is my play room.

It's nice.

Thank you.

Did you guys come here to kill us?

No.... Yes.

Doesn't sound so bad.

Hey, don't say that, Jeff.

Did Jennifer really say

those things about me?

No. We were just upset that you

were rubbing our faces in it.

She would never say anything

like that. She's an angel.

I know.

Look, Jeff. Dick, no dick,

it doesn't matter.

She doesn't want us.

She doesn't want any of us.

She never did. She never will.

Okay?

Well, I'll never know.

That's a good thing.

Be glad. Alright?

If i've learned anything tonight,

it's that it's terrible out there.

There's a better life for me.

Now I know what's really

important. Thank you.

Me too. Thank you.

Well I'm glad you guys could

experience this big change...

...but where does that leave me?

Two old farts in a moving van?

You guys didn't get one girl

tonight. Not one.

It's not our fault.

You saw what happened.

That I did. But this was

never about ten women.

This was about me.

And I want you to do the last

one on the list. Number ten.

You do that, we're square.

Truce. You understand?

No. I don't understand.

I do.

What did you guys used to call

me? Ah, I remember.

Gaylord. That means I'm the

lord of the gays, right?

I know what he's gonna say.

It's genius, Jeff. Perfect.

He wants us to f*** each other.

You and me?

But we're just friends.

I know. That's why this

is going to be easy.

We like each other more than

any girl we've ever dated.

We get each other. Right.

We can do this. Alright?

We do this last one and it's over.

Okay. You're right.

We do this, we're done. We get

our dads. What is it?

No big f***in' deal.

Just gotta do it.

Alright?

Alright.

Hey a**holes.

You're not f***ing each other.

You're f***ing me.

MUSIC...

... Do it.

Do it.

You want me to just stick it in?

Well, that's how it's done, right?

Now, stop talking and f***

what you've created.

Shh.

Ah. Oh my God.

What?

Holy sh*t.

What? Are you-- What?.

It's amazing.

Oh God.

Oh. Ah. AH.

I'll go again in a few minutes.

I promise.

That's it?

C'mon, Ted. C'mon, you could

do better than that.

C'mon, Ted. F*** me.

Yeah. You want me to f*** you?

I'll f*** you 'til the end of time.

OH. Ah. AH.

AHH.

Oh my God.

Jeff, you don't know what you have.

You don't know.

That was pathetic.

Keys and the address to your

dads is by the fire. Now,

get off my property.

[Slap] Don't touch me.

Both of you, get out.

Get the f*** out.

MUSIC...

... [laughter]...

... You did it.

You really did it.

Didn't I tell ya they did it?

Ted, did you get all ten?

Uh, pretty much. There were some that--...

... We got 'em all.

[laughter]...

... Fantastic.

Way to go.

Ted.

MUSIC...

... What is this music?

Oh, it's my friend, Rachel.

Oh boy.

Yeah. It's the only CD we had so-- I mean--.

It's outstanding. What a superb voice...

... Rachel, you said?

Yeah. She's a friend.

That's dynamite.

Yeah. Yeah, it really is.

MUSIC CONTINUES...

...'And I keep giving love away.

So something has gotta be wrong.

'cause nothing is right anymore.

I wanna be a woman but I'm

just a child, I suppose.

You help me the whole night through.

You kiss me goodbye and I believed you.

I fell for you too soon. But

that's just what I do--'

Sorry I f***ed up.

So how you doin'? Haven't

heard from you in a while.

It's a little odd.

Right? I think it is.

How's uh...

...Caci. She's great. I really like her a lot.

You tell her about the run?

I told her a little bit. Yeah.

How's Rachel?

Same. Good. She wants to go on

a double date. So heads up.

That'd be fun. Does she

have any new songs?

Yeah, she does.

They're really good.

I brought you some.

They're in the car.

Cool.

Have you heard from Jeff?

No. Why? Have you?

No.

Just wondering how he was

doing a little bit.

I keep thinking he's going to

beep in on the walkie talkie...

...and give us some assignment.

Yeah right.

Maybe we should check on him.

I don't know.

No.

That'd be weird.

It'd be weird just showing

up at his house.

Stupid...

... MUSIC.

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