Midnight Sex Run Page #8

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... and coincidence.

I didn't know you lived in L.A.

but it totally makes sense.

You were always so funny and talented...

... in our camp productions.

It's true.

Yeah. Remember when we put on

Tortoise and the Hare?

You were the Hare and you

were so bratty-- adorable,

but bratty-- that you actually

won the race at the end?

Well it made more sense.

I mean,

The Hare would have been

refreshed after his nap.

Think about it.

Well, I had to console the

Tortoise all night.

I do remember that. He was

crying. Poor kid. Who was that?

It was Jeff.

Oh.

So I haven't heard from you in two days.

What's the deal?

You over it?

No. I got real busy.

Oh, really? All of the sudden?

That must be nice.

No. It's not nice.

Really? Well I don't know man,

it's kind of weird because,

you know, you were all high on

me, texting non-stop, and...

... I don't know, I thought,

I miss my funny Teddy texts.

Well, I haven't felt too funny lately, so...

... I even miss the gross pictures at night.

Really?

I can get you more of those.

Okay?

'Hey There. You're a good little

boy. You're going to be okay.

Gimme a kiss. All better.

That's how you did it?

Well, yeah. It was better,

but yeah. Basically.

Anyway, enough about me.

What about you?

What have you been doing?

I mean, it's been years.

You could of done

anything you wanted.

That's not even close to true.

I am merely a nurse.

A nurse?

Yeah. You know like um...

...'Get me the paddles-- Stat.'

That kind of thing.

Yeah. Wow. I feel so stupid

trying to sell you Band-Aids.

You're a nurse.

Tell me more. What else?

Uh, you want more, let's see...

... I want everything.

Okay. I volunteer at the homeless shelter.

I'm on cornbread detail.

And I've been taking a

stand-up comedy class,

but that's mostly to get over my

fear of being on stage because...

...I've been playing guitar in

an all girl punk band.

That's amazing.

You're all of them...

I mean you're the whole package.

Maybe we should do lunch

some time this week?

Lunch? No. No.

What?

I said no. No lunches.

Calm down.

I'm cool. No lunches.

Fine.

No lunch.

Okay. Fine. No more lunches.

Maybe dinner?

Dinner I can do. Dinner's fine.

But I gotta go.

Now I really gotta go.

Alright? Thank you. Alright?

What're you doi--...

... [kiss]...

...I've been wanting to do that.

Okay. You gotta let go.

Just stand here.

Talk to me forever.

No, I can't talk to you forever.

I gotta go. Please let go.

Please. Please let go.

You're so sweet now.

Decreased testosterone has

again worked its magic.

Are you kidding me?

This guy too.

Oh.

Oh? All I get is an 'Oh'?

Are you still mad about color war, Ted?

Jennifer, It's so great to see

you again. You have no idea.

You look like a swan in a cardigan.

[laugh]...

... Are you okay?

You look mad and you smell like a toilet.

I fell in some cat sh*t.

But I'm okay.

And I am mad, because I've been

waiting 23 years for that hug.

Can I have one more?

Just one more.

Oh you guys.

Look at us. All back together again.

It's like a real kumbaya moment.

I'll say.

Kiddo, there you are. I've been

looking all over for you.

Julia and I want tacos and we

want you to come with us.

So I hope you're hungry,

'cause we're both starving.

Roland, let me introduce you.

This is Ted and Jordan.

We all went to camp together.

That's cute. Were

you guys counselors?

No. I was the kid that drowns,

and then comes back to

haunt all the campers...

...and Jen is next on my list.

We're here to kill Jennifer.

[laughter]...

...You're funny. You are funny.

Roland,

they're good guys. Okay?

They're good guys.

Sorry, he just gets a

little protective of me.

There's a lot of creeps out there.

Yeah, there sure are.

They seem like good guys.

But uh,

why don't we just go back to my

house for Hulu and tacos?

I'm so tired.

I'm just gonna head home.

No. You are in no condition

to drive, young lady.

Why don't you just spend the

night on my couch or,

in my bed again. Head to toe.

Promise.

That's sweet but I only had one drink and...

... Roland. your feet stink.

I heard that.

Did you hear that, Roland?

She thinks your feet are rancid.

Duly noted, Fred, but why

don't I use my stinky feet...

... and march you to your car,

my lady.

Oh no. Actually, we're gonna

walk you to your car, because...

...we haven't seen her since a

three legged race in 1990...

...and she's requested a rematch...

... so we got a lot of catching up to do.

We'll take her to the car.

I'll walk you back to your car.

Roland, can we have a minute please?

Uh, Jen?

You are killing our dads right

now. You're killing them.

I'm not surprised to see you

two are still butt buddies.

You're even wearing the same shoes.

You were always the dynamic duo.

Yeah. I think it works for us.

But we're always open to a third

if you're interested.

Do you guys ever see Jeff?

Yeah. We're having brunch

with Jeff tomorrow.

Really?

Yeah. Big brunch.

Oh that's great.

I was nervous to even ask,

but that means you must be

making your peace with him.

We're really trying. It's an

ongoing process.

Well this is me.

Goodnight, boys to men.

It was really great catching up with you.

I'm glad to see you're both not too fat.

I guess I'll see you in another 23 years?

You'll still be beautiful.

Ugh. I hope not.

Bye.

Bye? No, not bye. Not bye.

[knock knock] MUSIC...

...Quick quesiton. Are you seeing

anyone? Or engaged or a lesbian?

No. No. No.

Jen, You're the greatest girl ever. Okay?

I've never been able to

make a relationship...

... last more than 6 months.

And now I know why.

Because none of them

could measure up to you.

Excuse me.

Jen, things have been really

confusing since camp and...

...it's been a really crazy night,

but I'm seeing clearly now.

I'm seeing clearly for the

first time in a long time.

I've been holding a f***in'

torch for you so long...

... that it's a nub.

Jen, it's a nub.

Don't you see what I'm trying to

tell you? I love you.

No. Jen, I love you more than

him. Alright? I love you a lot.

This is for real.

No, I love you more.

I wanna put my babies inside of you.

You guys. You guys.

MUSIC...

...I used to have such a crush

on both of you.

I couldn't decide who I was in

love with more. I thought...

... all three of us would get

married and live in a tree.

But after what you guys did to Jeff,

I just couldn't forgive that.

I'm sorry, but when you

blew up Jeff's genitals...

...my heart blew up with them.

Good luck. You'll find

somebody... Most people do.

MUSIC CONTINUES.

Hey, Jeff. Why did you do that?

Because I wanted you to see

something you couldn't have.

Has this all been about her, Jeff?

Has this all been about

Jennifer f***in' Peters?

Maybe.

Well the jokes on you, buddy,

because she loves us.

And she thinks you're a freak.

A peeing in a bag creep.

I don't believe you.

Oh, you better believe it, Jeff.

She was laughing at you.

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