Mighty Aphrodite Page #4

Look, let me give you

my phone number.

If anything turns up,

I would love to locate her.

- Here. Give me that. I'll take that.

- Thank you.

- Yeah. Okay.

- You're welcome.

You have a phone call. Mr. Lamont.

Says he's from Philadelphia.

- Oh.

- You gave him your number?

- Mm-hmm.

- Is this Lenny Weinrib?

- Go ahead, sir.

- Hello.

Yeah, this is Bill Lamont.

Um, that woman you were looking for--

We asked another guy who said

her name was Leslie St. James.

Said she moved to New York City,

talked about becoming an actress.

- Leslie St. James?

- Yes, sir. Yeah.

He remembered her quite well.

Leslie St. James is the name she took.

There was a Leslie St. James who was

a member of the Screen Extras Guild.

- So that's that.

- So what are you telling me?

That-- That she was a movie

extra or stage extra?

Yeah.

That's all I have.

So-- And there's an address,

but, uh, you know,

this book's

a few years old. So.

I'm looking for a--

it's-- she--

A Leslie St. James

or maybe it's a Leslie Wailes.

- I don't know,

but I think she lived here.

- Oh, yeah, sure. I remember.

She was a tall girl.

She changed her name to Linda Ash.

Linda Ash?

Yeah, it was a fake name.

She-- She did sex movies.

- Sex movies?

- Yeah, you know, like, uh, Deep Throat.

Skin flicks.

Tall, blonde, hot.

- Very hot.

- Really? Good-looking?

Oh, great looking.

Tremendous body.

- How you doin'?

- Hey, Lenny, how are ya?

- Good. Can I talk to you a minute?

- Yeah.

- I need a favor.

- You got it. What?

You got friends in the, uh,

the adult film business, right?

My nephew knows them all.

Why?

I'm trying to locate

an actress named Linda Ash.

- You know which movies she did?

- No.

I was in the video store

trying to get a video,

but, you know, I get embarrassed

because my neighbor saw me there.

- And, you know--

- I hear ya.

- Well, let me get back to you

on that one. All right?

- Yeah.

You know, I don't know

why we have to do this.

I-I don't want to spend

the whole weekend at Jerry Bender's.

Oh, Lenny, please.

We've been through this.

There are lots

of important clients there.

I-- You know,

so what is this?

Meanwhile this guy's going to

stare at you the whole weekend

and mentally undress you.

He is not. He's not.

God, your paranoia is rivaled

in history only by Joseph Stalin.

I'm really glad you

could make it out this weekend, Amanda.

There's some people around here I think

it's very important you should meet.

Oh, thanks, Jerry.

I really appreciate it. I really do.

- God, I love your sailboat.

- Yeah, it's fun, isn't it?

- Yeah.

- Sorry the waves were so choppy, Lenny.

Oh, it's no problem. I don't mind

throwing up into the wind, you know.

You know, we could see

that house next door at 3:00.

By the way, it's a great buy.

Is it possible that I could

just make one quick phone call?

- Yeah. Ken!

- Yes, Jerry.

Oh, sorry, Ken.

Can you show Lenny the private phone?

Sure. Come on, Lenny.

It's right over here.

The house sounds exciting.

What are they asking again?

Amanda, listen. Why don't you,

uh, spend the night here tonight.

- What do you say?

Are you free tonight?

- Uh--

We could go for a sail.

You can't believe what the stars

look like lying on the back of a boat.

- Yeah. No, I'd love to.

I really would love to.

- Well, then, do it.

But I-- No, he

has to get back.

Really?

- Yeah.

- Hmm.

Hmm.

I got the skinny

on Linda Ash.

She's been in a few films.

She's no star or nothin'.

That's why you

never heard of her.

She works under

the stage name "Judy Cum."

Mostly, she's a hooker.

Uh, I got her number.

Judy Cum?

Oh, you never should

have looked for her.

Now I see big trouble.

Oh, for God's sake.

You know, you're such a Cassandra.

I'm not such a Cassandra.

I am Cassandra.

- That's who I am.

- I gotta check this thing out.

You'll be sorry.

I'm telling you, quit now.

Oh, and don't let Amanda talk you

into buying the house next door.

- This place?

- Yes! I see big problems

with beach erosion...

and a heavy mortgage.

Well, I love that property.

- Mm-hmm.

- We're right near everybody.

Doesn't mean we have to see them

all the time, but we have the option.

You-- You're not afraid

of beach erosion, right?

Beach erosion? Oh, come on, now.

You're such a Cassandra.

You gonna take a shower?

Yeah. Yeah, can you, uh,

fix something for dinner?

Yeah, I'll make dinner.

I'll make the spaghetti, okay?

There's some sauce

in the fridge.

Hello, is this Linda?

Linda, um, this is Lenny.

Uh, I-- I got your number

from Charlie Biggs.

And I wonder if, uh,

it would be possible...

that you would have some time

tomorrow afternoon.

- You shouldn't do this.

- Would you please stop it?

- You're gonna cheat on Amanda?

- I'm not cheating.

-I just want to see what she looks like.

-You can get a disease.

- Aren't you scared of AIDS?

- I'm not gonna sleep with the girl.

I just want to see

what she looks like.

I want to get to know her

or something. It's just--

Uh, is it possible that we

could meet at a hotel?

You're gonna rent a hotel room

with a hooker and not sleep with her?

Leave me alone.

I want to talk to her.

How about the Plaza

on 59th Street? Is that--

What are you doing?

At least pick an out-of-the-way spot.

Oh, Christ.

Um, Linda, maybe

it'd be better if I--

What about your place?

Would that be a possibility?

- Uh-huh. Uh--

Hold on one second.

Okay.

Um, I'll be there.

And it's Lenny.

Uh, Lenny... Gildersleeve.

Okay.

I can't believe this.

I can't believe it.

Hi. Are you my 3:00?

- Linda Ash?

- Yeah, that's right.

- I'm Lenny.

- Hello, Lenny. Come on in.

- Uh, you're-- you're Linda Ash, right?

- Yeah.

- 'Cause we spoke on the phone?

- Yeah.

Are you okay?

You look all white.

- I'm okay.

- Yeah?

- Do you want something to drink?

- Maybe-- Do you have a little

Perrier or something?

- What?

- Little-- Just a little tap water?

- Oh, sure. I have that.

- You're definitely Linda Ash?

- Yeah.

What's the matter?

Are you a stroke victim or something?

I told you three times.

I'm Linda Ash.

Oh.

Oh, you have a,

a beautiful apartment.

- Oh, thank you. I did it myself.

- Oh.

Oh, let me show you

something I just got.

- That. Isn't it a pisser?

- Ohh!

Oh, yes, it's--

it's magnificent.

Oh. Well, yeah.

I got a great sense of humor.

That's something you're going

to find out about me-- I'm funny

and I can take a joke.

- A lot of people can't take a joke.

- Oh, no, I can.

- They say that about me too.

- Oh, yeah?

- That I have a good sense of humor.

- Oh, good!

Then you'll like this. Look,

I just got this. Somebody gave it to me.

As the main spring goes back and forth,

the bishop keeps f***ing her in the ass.

- It's a genuine antique

and it keeps perfect time.

- Oh, my goodness.

It's a disgusting--

Ohh.

- Lenny?

The water today is a little bit brown.

Would you like some Sprite instead?

- I'm feeling a little dizzy. I--

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