Miss Congeniality 2: Armed and Fabulous Page #9

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- Foreman.

- Jeff? Hi, it's Janet.

I just wanted to talk to you about us.

- Now's not a good time.

- Is that Liza Minnelli in the background?

Yeah. On the radio.

I'm just home, listening to Liza.

I don't want it to end this way.

I know that you're mad at me,

but I still care about you...

- Got it.

- Just give me a call if you get a chance.

Two-block radius of Koval and Harmon.

Liza Minnelli. I know where he is.

Let's move.

Oh, you go, Miss Minnelli!

You are definitely on to the next round.

Why don't you go rest up backstage.

Wasn't she wonderful?

Bad news. We want in those

dressing rooms, we have to perform.

I am not going out there as a woman

pretending to be a man...

...pretending to be Tina Turner.

I can't afford therapy on my salary.

What other choice do we have?

No! No!

You can do this. Okay, you can

because you are Sam Fuller, FBI...

...and nothing scares you.

I am Gracie Hart...

...and at this moment, I am also Big Bird,

and nothing scares me...

...except losing Cheryl because having

a friend like her, having any friend, for me...

...is a really, really rare thing, okay?

Okay, but I am not singing.

Fabulous Tina Turner!

Everything is gonna be okay.

Just be Tina-ish.

- You can do Tina.

- Just take it.

- I am not singing.

- Just take it.

How come he gets to go first?

I was here before him!

It's all right here on my list, in alphabetical

order. Tina, then Tina, then Tina.

And you're all doing the same song anyway.

What's the difference? Hit it.

Smile.

- You smiling?

- I am smiling.

Come on, boys!

Bring back Liza!

Thank you and good night.

No, no, we have to stay here.

Stay here. Shake. Shake.

Oh, shoot. He's gonna give us the hook.

Sell it, Tina.

Rolling.

- I found Dolly!

- What's he saying?

Tinas of the world, unite!

Take the stage!

Shake!

I found Dolly.

He picked me up at the bar...

...and invited me to dressing room five.

I'm glad I wore the heels.

- Joel found Dolly in dressing room five.

- Got it.

- We need a big finish.

- Maybe I should take my top off.

No, we need a good big finish.

- Pick me up.

- No.

FBI. Pick me up!

Settle down, settle down.

- Smile!

- Well, I personally didn't love it...

...but what's love got to do with it?

The crowd decides and tonight

the drinks must be strong...

...because this Tina's moving on

to the next round!

Come on, come on!

All right, he said dressing room

number five.

It's that one right there.

Joel, let us handle this.

- He invited me!

- I'll get you his phone number.

Hello? Can I help you boys?

What do you know about

the Miss United States kidnapping?

Tom Abernathy, the limo driver.

You paid him 200 bucks to park far away

from the entrance to the senior home. Why?

I don't know what you're talking about.

Please leave.

You know, normally I would calmly

interrogate you, but I'm kind of in a rush.

- I don't know anything!

- Talk!

- No, please! It wasn't me. It was some guy.

- What guy?

I met him when I was a keno girl

at Treasure Island.

I borrowed money from him

and couldn't pay it back.

- He said he would dump...

- What was his name?!

Ken? Cal? Karl? I don't remember.

He didn't tell me his last name.

Karl.

- Karl Steele was on that sheet.

- One of the brothers.

Lou and Karl Steele, armed robbery, grand

theft auto. You met him at Treasure Island.

- Let's go.

- Where are we going?

Treasure Island,

that's where they took them.

- How do you know?

- Dolly said the Steele brothers were pirates.

Janet is here with backup.

I repeat, Janet is here.

Jeff?

- Where is she?

- Where is who?

- You are a lousy liar, Jeff.

- Yeah.

And you're a good one.

- How are we gonna get out of here?

- I don't know, but it has to be subtle.

Ladies and gentlemen, the next show

will be in 20 minutes.

Okay, let's go.

You both keep your mouths shut,

or you're dead.

The Steele brothers were fired

from the Treasure Island show.

Cheryl said something

about her booty being on the line.

Cheryl would never refer to her ass

as a booty or refer to her ass, period.

She calls it a po-po.

- Excuse me! Excuse me!

- Excuse us!

- FBI. We need your car.

- Well, that's not gonna happen.

Get lost. Hey!

Hart, Hart! Too much!

Yeah, I know, but now I kind of see

why you enjoy it so much.

You are fine citizens, and you will get

your car back. Thank you very much.

- All right.

- Okay, here I come.

- I'm sorry. I'm gonna turn.

- Okay.

Sorry, sorry. What did Joel do,

weld this thing on...?

Just keep quiet, do as you're told

and nobody gets hurt.

I believe him.

Don't you believe him, Cheryl?

- He wouldn't lie about a thing like that.

- Will you just shut up?!

Jeff.

Jeff! Gracie and Sam went to...

Go on, if you don't wanna spend

a few years in prison...

...for obstruction of justice.

Which prison?

Just in case I don't get a chance

to say it...

...I'm sorry for getting on you

about that whole Matthews thing.

It was none of my business.

That's all right.

I scared him off.

But the thing is, right,

he came back to save me.

I mean, why would somebody come back

to save someone if they didn't have...

...feelings? You know?

I'm sure he liked you,

but maybe he was just doing his job.

Maybe.

Men. Can't live with them, you can't...

- No, that's about it.

- Yep.

Okay, hold on.

Come on!

- Okay! Clearly that's not working.

- Don't start with me, Tina.

Are we gonna die?

Not if you develop gills

in the next five minutes.

Let's go back through the casino.

Okay. I'm gonna take this side,

you take that...

The Steele brothers.

Lou! Lou and Karl Steele, freeze! FBI!

Freeze! Freeze!

- Keep going.

- Move. Move, move.

Hey, hey!

We're gonna need more help

in sector four.

Where are Cheryl and Stan?

- Where?

- You're breaking my wrist.

- Where are Cheryl and Stan?

- They're at the bottom of the boat.

What boat?!

Lou!

I'm coming, bro!

- I got your back.

- No, no. I got this. You go for Cheryl.

- You sure?

- I've got this!

Twenty dollars on the sister.

You're good.

I'm gonna enjoy this.

- Nothing left to talk about, lady.

- I'm not gonna talk. I'm gonna sing!

Hope you weren't planning on reproducing.

- I'm coming! I'm coming!

- Gracie!

Everything's gonna be okay.

- I've got you. Can you swim?

- Can I swim?

I made junior lifesaver at Camp Mondago.

I was captain of the miniature golf team.

- Stan, just go! Go, go!

- Not without Cheryl!

- Stan, I have her! Go! Go!

- Okay.

- Where?

- The back is blocked.

- Go to the nearest porthole. Right here.

- Oh, okay.

There's a cannon in my porthole!

- Pull! Come on, hurry!

- My God!

It's moving!

- Go!

- Here I go. Here I go.

Gracie!

Hart jumped in a few minutes ago.

- Okun, Hills, help him!

- I can't swim, sir.

I gave you an order.

Gracie...

- Miss United States.

- You can call me Cheryl.

It's okay, we got you. We got you.

And so all of our clues...

...eventually led us here. Here she is.

- Nice work, Hart.

- Thank you, sir.

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