Miss Nobody Page #6

You mean, beeber?

Hot-shot executives

just don't shish-kebab

Themselves on

their own rain gear.

It doesn't happen.

Well, I don't--

I mean, maybe--

It's possible--

I barely knew him,

But I don't know,

Maybe he just slipped

off of his ladder.

I never said

he had a ladder.

I must've heard

that at work.

Yeah.

What?

I don't know.

You like your bouillabaisse?

It's delicious.

How's yours?

Oh, fantastic.

I'm in real trouble,

st. George.

If bill's onto me,

Then I'm gonna need

to make a move.

But if I make a move

and in the process

Realize that bill's

not onto me,

He might in turn

realize what's up,

And then he will be

onto me...

And I like this guy.

Oh, I want this guy.

So, I guess...

What I'm saying is...

I would like

a miracle, please.

Now.

Okay, maybe not

a miracle...

But a sign, at least?

All right?

( distant thunder rumbles )

( rain patters )

( sighs in relief )

I needed a way

out of this mess,

And there,

in that purifying rain,

It came to me--

I needed a fresh start

with no strings

And no trail.

I needed--

It's a win-win.

A fall guy.

...With my buddies

at ortho blue,

We manufacture,

we distribute.

Their logo, their liability.

Plus, we just put up

half the money.

Eh, josh,

these test results--

Increased heart rate,

liver complications, stroke?

Yeah, nobody

said it was perfect.

Have you run this

by the chicago office?

Milo beeber did

last fall.

Milo beeber?

Yeah. It was his pet project

over at ortho.

He even came up

with the name.

You guys ready? Clarity.

Clarity.

And you said

it causes stroke?

Exactly.

The potential damage

to customers is--

4% tops. Six, maybe

five deaths per annum...

Right.

...Provided they overdose.

And the upside?

Upside! Big upside!

Salary bonuses, stock options,

promotions all around.

People, it's not perfect.

Nothing is.

I say we go for it.

Hands?

Nether wanted clarity?

Oh, he could have it.

Joshua nether,

a walking, talking,

Sexual harassment

machine.

Like they said in rome,

Live by the sword,

die by the sword.

Nether would never know

what hit him.

I had his number...

( laughing )

...All of his numbers.

Social security number,

Mother's birthday,

and password.

I took the funds

he controlled for clarity

And transferred them

to accounts I'd created.

Pretending to be

his wife,

I withdrew

all those diverted funds,

And pretending

to be his girlfriend,

I booked two

first-class tickets to moldova.

Oh, fyi? Moldova has

no extradition treaty

With the United States.

I looked it up.

Oh, that-- no, no.

This was my absolute

last date ever

With anyone whose name

wasn't bill malloy.

I just prayed that bill

would never know

What I've done

in the name of love.

( forcing laugh )

( phone ringing )

Mom, let me

call you back.

I'm, uh, rockin'

and rollin'.

Home, james!

I couldn't keep

this up much longer.

Something had to give.

Here comes the airplane

into the hangar.

That's right.

Big open...

Sadly, it turned out

to be mr. Ketchum.

( sighs ) swallow

'em down, mr. Ketchum.

Here comes another

lovely, lovely bite.

Here we go. Mm!

That's a good boy.

Yeah, you like

my mashed peas.

( burps )

Okay. You ready?

( mumbling )

( thuds )

Day 97.

Breathing discontinued.

With mr. Ketchum dead,

it was like mom...

Was ready

for a close-up.

Well, it would be

her first full-fledged wake

She'd thrown in years.

Hey, bill!

Can you zip--

Where are you going?

I know what you've

been up to, sarah jane.

What? Bill!

Honey, these roses--

with or without

the baby's breath?

With. Bill!

Ah! Mr. Ketchum.

So, lady, where

would you like him?

In the parlor

by the open window.

Bill had discovered

the truth!

My fall guy

had to fall-- and fast.

Sarah jane, let's

do it right now!

No!

Yes!

No!

Yes!

Joshua, we'll

get caught.

No, we won't.

Now.

Besides, you have to go

sign those contracts.

Right.

Right?

Now, I gave you

the address,

didn't I?

Yeah. Mm-hmm.

Right?

And I want you...

To cab out there.

And be there what time?

3:
00.

Room.

Eleven.

Go.

Go!

I'm going.

Seducing a self-proclaimed

stud monkey

Was far easier

than I anticipated...

And, frankly,

far more nauseating.

Nether took the bait,

all right,

And was trying

to swallow it whole.

I typed nether's confession...

Forged his signature

and planted some stolen cash...

I borrowed mom's lincoln...

Picked up supplies,

concocted my poison...

Let's see.

50 milligrams of clarity

Had been too much

for mr. Ketchum...

So I'd use 5,000

for nether.

You know, it's like

mom always said--

When entertaining, better

too much than too little.

Let's rock.

Joshua:
Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah.

One more.

Mm! ( mumbles )

Joshua...

To us.

To us.

Uh uh uh!

( makes schmoopy noises )

( giggles )

Drink up.

Mm.

Do you like

your oysters?

I love 'em.

Yeah?

Do you want some more?

You make me want

to cry. Come here.

Why don't you have

another oyster?

Who needs the oyster

when I have the pearl?

Look, look, look, look.

Open up. Open up.

Mm.

( moaning )

( laughing ) oh!

I didn't know

what would kick in first,

The oysters

or the clarity.

It was the oysters.

Yeah.

Whoa! Oh.

Hey, I never said

I was a virgin.

Ooh! Gah! Uh.

( thud )

ooh!

( panting )

( chatter, music )

Oh, sarah jane!

Darlin',

come here. Look.

You won't

believe this!

April nagata,

Daddy's

parole officer!

Oh, it's nice to see you.

Isn't it a shame?

And look, mr. Tippet!

Mr. Ketchum's boss

at the funeral home.

Finest goddamn hearse driver

that I ever had.

Drunk 24 hours a day--

oh, sorry, father.

Uh.

Hey.

Oh, thanks.

Hi, char.

How are you?

Food's a class act, s.J.

Best wake this year!

Yeah, your mom even

busted out the champagne.

Yeah. Okay, um,

and this is my newest friend,

Snooks cunningham.

Snooks recently underwent

a sex change operation.

How's long's it

been now, snooks?

( super deep voice )

last Thursday.

So, old man ketchum.

In the end, how did

the son of a b*tch go down?

Fightin'?

To the last.

I think he used to bang

my late wife dorothy.

My son's

his spitting image.

Really. Huh.

Mom?

Mm?

Uh, how's

mr. Ketchum?

Well, last I looked, honey,

he was still dead.

( knocking )

um, just a minute.

Good day.

It's father grisham.

( chuckles )

Hi.

I haven't seen you

at church...

Or has your st. George

replaced me?

I've-- I've

just been busy.

Killing people again?

( chuckles weakly )

you mean old mr. Ketchum.

Mm.

( chuckles )

Have you ever heard

of hubris, sarah jane?

Exaggerated pride

or self-confidence.

No.

You, father?

Mm.

I'll leave you

to your thoughts.

( door rumbles )

Bill?

It's over, kid.

End of the line.

You're going

to arrest me?

See, that's not funny.

Oh, I know.

What are you doing?

What? What?

It's freezing.

( coffin and window

close together )

You know,

If I hadn't seen it

with my own eyes,

I never would've

believed it.

I mean, you...

You, sarah jane.

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