Miss Tanakpur Hazir Ho Page #3

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I had gone to pick up my aunt...

Come with me.

Get into the car!

Listen to me!

It wasn't his fault!

I haven't done anything!

You are suspicious.

That's not my problem.

You can make up as

many excuses as you want.

My sixth sense says

that you're up to no good.

Let me know when we reach Rasulpur.

Yes, you've already told me thrice.

I'm not as old as

you that I'll forget.

And where are you going, uncle?

Uncle? My dear little girl, I'm

going to find a suitable boy for you.

Speak for yourself!

Boys are queing up for me!

Tickets? Are all tickets done'?

Conductor...

Yes, I know, Rasulpur.

Just keep looking out the window.

No, I just wanted to know,

what time is it'?

Your time hasn't come as yet.

And, when you go you'll

take some of us along!

- Who hasn't bought their tickets?

- Tickets!

Have we reached Rasulpur?

Just sit down quietly!

- And if I hear one more word out of you

I won't stop the bus at Rasulpur.

Uncle, why don't you try wooing her?

I'm losing my mind!

- She's chewed my brains too!

- Do you even have one'?

- What'?

- A brain!

(Rasulpur- 0 K.M.)

Stop the bus when we reach Rasulpur.

We passed it 10 mins ago.

- Turn the bus back around to Rasulpur.

- Turn around?

- Please I beg of you!

The old woman will kill me.

Here, this is Rasulpur. Get off!

I don't want to get off,

I want to go to Tanakpur.

Why did you keep

asking about Rasulpur?

You see, the doctor said, "When

you get to Rasulpur, take your pills."

So should I take them'?

Please have all of them.

Turn the bus around!

Did I ask you to stop'? Move on!

Should I carry you and

drop you inside the house?

You fool, take me to the door,

not inside the house.

If you wanted to be dropped till the door,

you should have come in a palanquin.

Why did you sit in this hand cart?

Don't talk so much, move on!

- No. What will you do'?

- What will I do!

- You idiot!

- Don't hit me Father!

What's happened?

What's going on'?

Shut up!

Greetings, sister.

I thought the wedding

preparations would have started...

but it's raining shoes here.

What do I say!

Your nephew was beaten up by the

Pradhan in front of the whole village.

Is that true'?

Don't be ashamed!

Now your aunt is here!

Nobody will have the guts

to look you in the eye.

Don't worry.

Ramprasad, take the rickshaw inside.

Ma, look aunt is here!

- Speak up Goswami's spirit.

In 48 hours that boy will be roaming

the streets naked, like a madman.

You will have to spend a lot of money.

Shastri, don't take otherwise.

I am 10 + 2 (high school pass).

Really?

Dont worry about money,

just give me a solution.

- Are you sure'?

- Yes

Give me a solution,

Goswamiji's spirit...

A monkey bone...

...or the left leg

bone of a black dog.

Bury the bones in an

urn filled with vermillion.

With a 100 rupee note.

The mud from your enemy's left leg...

...and his faeces.

Mix it together and make a paste.

- Wait...a dog's bone...

- Yes...

- ...the mud from the left foot...

- That's correct.

What happened?

- And his faeces?

- Yes.

Why don't you make

pilaf out of all of this!

Bheema, we are just wasting our time,

let's go!

- Pradhanji, just listen to him.

- Why should I listen to this'?

Shastri made Chavinder's son impotent.

He is a master of tantric rituals.

- Yes, you need to take me seriously.

- Then be serious!

Calling a spirit almost kills me,

should I call him or not'?

You need to talk less.

Goswamiji's spirit,

they are apologizing.

Okay, he forgives you.

You need to bury all these

objects in a foot- deep hole.

Then you sit on it and say,

Om- burambhu swat swaha...

Om khulat khu thang

thang thang phat swaha...

Don't you need to write that down'?

We'll just record it on the mobile.

- Om- burambhu swat swaha...

Om khulat khu thang thang thang

phat swaha... Did it get recorded?

Ma!

I'm not coming to pick you up.

Hey, tell mom that...

Oh drat! We dropped everything. Ma!

Oh damn!

He's not going to come back out now.

How are we going to get

the mud from his left leg'?

How can it possible?

Tell me.

Looks like we'll have

to wait till tomorrow morning.

What to do!

- Pradhanji.

- What do you think you are doing'?

I swear upon the

ground you walk upon...

...that tomorrow, your enemy...

...is going to take

the last dump of his life.

Who is this boy'?

Bheema got him.

I got him from Jadalpur

to collect the faeces.

I paid him 100 rupees

plus conveyance.

What have you told him'?

I told him that our Pradhanji

is a big scientist...

...he's researching

different kinds of faeces.

I am the Pradhan,

I can do what I want.

Arjun is here.

Why isn't he sitting down'?

His pajama strings

aren't getting untied.

Why'?

How would I know?

And if they don't open?

Then it will become a bigger problem.

It opened! Thank the Lord!

Congratulations!

Looks like he is leaving.

- Go, do what needs to be done

- Yes.

- You, boy, come with me.

- Pradhanji!

- What has happened now'?

There is a problem.

What is it'?

Somebody else has taken

a dump here as well.

Now how will we know

which one is his?

Which one is fresh?

Both look fresh.

Ok which one is fresher?

I can't tell you

by just looking at it.

Do you want to taste it then'? This

was your idea. Don't take otherwise!

Yesterday we spent the entire day

looking for mud and today it's this.

Give me 5 minutes and I promise

I'll pick up the right one.

Do me a favour.

Do you have his father's phone number?

Yes I do, why'?

Can you call him and ask him...

...did they have okra for dinner?

- No, I'm not doing this...

- Pradhanji!

We are so close to our goal, please.

Please!

Making friends with idiots

only puts you through hell.

Hello, Ramprasad,

this is the Pradhan speaking.

Ramprasad, what did your

son have for dinner last night'?

What did he say'?

Last night Arjun ate out.

Wasted my time you idiots!

Do you know what I am doing,

Pradhanji?

No.

I'm making the sound of a crying cow

in front of Arjun's house.

- How is that going to help?

- What'?

This will put the curse of

performing a cow sacrifice on him.

If you do it once...

...then the curse of

4000 cow slaughters will be on him.

And if you do this 25 times...

...then the curse of 1,00,000

cow slaughters will fall upon him.

- Will this destroy him'?

- Yes it will.

(Chanting)

Why do you sound so happy,

like a cow that has won the lottery.

It's not possible to

become a cow so quickly.

You don't have to become a cow,

just sound like one.

Do it with devotion.

(Chanting)

(Chanting)

Bheema, make the sound of a goat...

...then a goat sacrifice

curse will fall upon him.

(Chanting)

Quickly, otherwise we'll get caught.

(Chanting)

- Quickly before someone catches us.

(Chanting)

- Shastri!

- Shastri, what has happened?

- Look Bheema,

look at how he's jumping around.

Pradhanji, tell me what you can see.

The boy is acting like a mad man.

I told you! My mantras are working!

Now, give me 100 rupees.

Give me a 100 rupee note, go on.

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