Miss You Already Page #6

( R.E.M.'S "LOSING MY RELIGION" ON RADIO)

- Oh! Oh!

- Turn it up!

Oh life, it's bigger

It's bigger than you

And you are not me...

We're getting out of London!

We're going to the moors!

(GARGLES)

(MILLY) Excuse me.

- What's your name?

- Achmed.

(MILLY) Achmed.

That's me in the spotlight

Losing my religion...

- Haworth!

- Oh, sh*t, there's Haworth!

(JESS) Oh, my God.

There they are, the moors!

There's the sheep!

- Stop, stop! Here we are!

- (MILLY) Achmed, stop. Let us out.

(JESS) Let us out.

(ACHMED) OK.

"My Heathcliff."

"Oh, God, it is unutterable."

"I cannot live without my life.

I cannot live without my soul."

I can't believe we're here.

I can't believe we're here!

Wait, I need one, too.

That was just a dream

That's me in the corner

That's me in the spotlight

Losing my religion

Trying to keep up with you

And I don't know if I can do it

Oh no, I've said too much

I haven't said enough

I thought that I heard you laughing...

- Achmed! Come and dance. Come on.

- No, no, no. I don't dance.

I think I thought I saw you try

But that was just a dream

- Thank you, Achmed, you're a saint.

- Achmed! You are one sexy dancer!

- Take care, huh.

- Drive safely!

You've got the Emily suite.

Top floor, view of the moors,

four-poster and gas effect fire.

(BOTH) Ooh!

And you've got the Branwell room.

Ground floor, shared toilet.

Ooh.

Can I go back to bed now?

Yes. Let's all go to bed.

- I mean, not together.

- Clearly.

Thank you.

You just scored the best pyjamas

I've ever worn in my life.

Oh, God.

Oh, God, I am so exhausted.

- Why can't I stay here?

- I need to get some sleep.

No. You have to sleep in the

Branwell suite. I've paid for it.

Which one was Branwell again?

The big-nosed unsuccessful alcoholic

Bront brother.

What a catch.

Milly... I have to tell you something.

Yes, hello, I'm sorry to bother you...

You ordered something hot?

Oh, there's a little puddy cat.

I like your new job.

Welcome to Yorkshire.

I can't do it with him watching.

(SNARLING)

Kevin.

Go, down. Go to sleep.

Good boy.

Do you see that?

Wait, wait, wait, what's wrong?

- What's the matter?

- Er...

Please say you're not doing this

because you feel sorry for me.

Or because you're into amputees.

For me, the ultimate turn-on would be

if you had no limbs at all.

Mmm... OK, wow.

Throw you in a bag,

get your little nubs in there.

Pull you out

when I just wanna have my way with you

and then just stick it back in.

Yeah, I don't know, I could do that.

Are you kidding me? Come on.

You're f***ing sexy.

Simple as that.

Ssh, ssh.

You're gonna wake my nan.

And she hasn't been up this late

since the Coronation.

Now close your eyes.

Close your eyes.

- Are they closed?

- Mm-hmm.

Hey, and your scars are beautiful.

I wanna do stuff to you.

I'll have the full English breakfast

with tea and porridge.

Someone's hungry.

- I'll have the toast with butter, too, please.

- Mmm.

(KNOCKING AND DOOR OPENING)

Sh*t.

Jess.

I had to see him. It was incredible, Jess.

He thinks I'm sexy

even without hair and b*obs.

I mean, you've done

some crazy sh*t in the past,

but this one takes the biscuit.

You've got a husband.

Or did that slip your mind?

Kit can't look at me,

let alone have sex with me.

Then this is the perfect solution.

Do you know how it felt

to be touched again?

- Don't ask for my approval.

- Oh, I won't.

This could blow your family apart. Or

have you not stopped to think about that?

What do you know about

holding a family together?

Try coping with two kids,

when always at the back of your mind

it's there.

- The fear.

- Oh, don't get all profound on me.

I don't know if you've noticed,

but I have this annoying little disease.

Noticed?

You're a frickin' cancer bully.

You bully everyone around you

while we all try to deal with your life

and take care of your crap.

You're acting like a slutty teenager.

I'm sorry, I didn't realise

you wanted a medal.

You're so selfish.

I don't wanna be near you.

All right, have fun. Off you go,

back to your cosy little houseboat

where all you have to worry about

is bringing in your tiny orange cushions

when it rains.

Oh, my God, Jess, I can't...

You were there

when I pissed on the Predictor stick.

You were there

when both my babies were born.

You didn't tell me because you think it's

just another thing I might not see, right?

Because I'm never gonna meet that person.

Just say it.

- I wanna go home.

- You wanna go home now?

That's funny because for a minute I thought you

were gonna stay here and live in his attic!

I came here because it might

be my last chance

to be seen for who I really am!

- Was.

- No.

You came here and made me drive 250 miles

so that you could get laid by a barman!

Oh, man, I'm not falling for it any more.

- Just make your own way home.

- I will.

Yeah. By the way, fix your wig,

it looks like sh*t.

(GRUNTS)

Oh, my God.

( MOBY:
"ALMOST HOME")

I'll decide

You don't know this time

To turn away

Leave it all behind

So we climb

So we're all told the line

- Jess, it's me ringing for the hundredth time.

- (JESS) Jay!

Hey, baby.

(JESS PANTS)

- Hey, what's wrong?

- Ow!

- You all right?

- Er... I-I-I got hurt.

- How? What's the matter?

- (SOBBING) Honey, I'm so sorry.

I was telling them, "I've gotta

get rid of these for Christmas."

"So I'll give the customers 10% off..."

- Mummy. Where did you go?

- Mummy!

OK, back to your homework.

It's a minor abruption of the placenta.

But I want to see you next week, OK?

Thank you for my coconut bird-feeder.

What did Milly get you?

OK, passport?

Ticket?

Picture of me?

- Happy New Year.

- Happy New Year.

No more dramas, all right?

I promise.

(BEN) This one's you, Mum.

I'm gonna give you some new bosoms.

- Oh, a bit bigger, please.

- Mum!

When I get mine,

they're going to be perfect.

Any news on that?

- (BEN) Now I'm gonna make one of Jess.

- I don't think there's enough cookie dough.

(BEN) Is she coming tonight?

(SCARLETT) Duh, she always comes New Year.

Kids, I think mummy's got

a bit of a headache.

No, I don't!

Sweetie, it's just family tonight.

(SCARLETT) But I want to tell her

about my dance prize.

Can I call her?

Mum, where's Jess's number gone?

(JESS) Miranda.

I've brought you some rosehip tea.

Thank you.

Have a seat.

Is everything all right down there,

you poor thing?

- Yeah, I had some problems.

- Oh, sorry. Does Milly know?

She won't talk to me.

Everything I do is wrong.

Well, that's just the way she is.

Perhaps she's punishing me for not

being the kind of mother she needed.

Feel free to contradict me.

I wasn't really there, was I?

Flying around the world, never at home.

Two husbands.

Different boyfriends.

Selfish.

- You had an exciting career.

- Yes.

I can't have any drama in my life

right now, and Milly is drama.

Please, Jess.

Help her to sort everything out.

I know she's drama,

Rate this script:5.0 / 1 vote