MoDeRn WaRfArE 2 Page #5

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CAPTAIN PRICE:

I've been imprisoned here for five years. Give me a second to recover my sanity.

(Beat)

Okay, I'm good. Now I'd like to commandeer a Russian nuclear submarine.

CAPTAIN MACTAVISH

What for?

CAPTAIN PRICE:

Not telling. It's a surprise.

CAPTAIN MACTAVISH

Good enough for me. Let's go!

EXT. SUBMARINE BASE - DAY

CAPTAIN PRICE leads ROACH through a SNOWY FOREST, copying everything from THAT ONE SNIPER MISSION IN THE PREVIOUS GAME.

CAPTAIN PRICE:

Soap, follow me.

ROACH:

Soap? Who the hell is that?

CAPTAIN PRICE:

Sorry, Roach. You guys change around so often, it's hard to keep track.

They infiltrate the BASE by blowing up EVERYTHING. CAPTAIN PRICE works his way into the SUBMARINE.

CAPTAIN PRICE:

Now I'm going to launch a nuke at Washington D.C., which I can apparently do all by myself without any higher authority signing off on it. The Russian nuclear capability is clearly being managed by a bunch of morons.

ROACH:

Okay, this is starting to make less and less sense.

DEVELOPER INFINITY WARD

Well, basically we all submitted one cool set piece we wanted to see in the game and then we strung those together into a disjointed and nonsensical plot. Time for the nuke part!

CAPTAIN PRICE pushes a BIG RED BUTTON and launches a NUCLEAR MISSILE.

EXT. WASHINGTON D.C. - NIGHT

The NUKE is detonated in the SKY because of CAPTAIN PRICE'S SHEER BADASSERY. Its EMP BLAST disables all electronic equipment in WASHINGTON D.C., which causes A F***ING RAIN OF HELICOPTERS.

PRIVATE RAMIREZ:

(Dodging helicopters)

An EMP blast? At what point did we start channelling a Tom Clancy novel?

SERGEANT FOLEY:

Right around the time we pigeonholed Russians as the enemy, I should think.

SERGEANT FOLEY spots a group of SILHOUETTES in the distance.

SERGEANT FOLEY:

Speaking of enemies, who are those guys up ahead? I can't tell through the arbitrary rain.

PRIVATE RAMIREZ:

I don't see any names popping up when I hover my crosshair over them.

SERGEANT FOLEY:

I guess they’re not friendlies then. I'm still going to toss this flare at them and give away our position along with the element of surprise.

After shooting their way through the onslaught of RUSSIAN SOLDIERS, SERGEANT FOLEY and his squad arrive at the WHITE HOUSE, another WASHINGTON LANDMARK desecrated by a team of LEVEL DESIGNERS.

INT. WHITE HOUSE - NIGHT

PRIVATE RAMIREZ must race to the roof of the WHITE HOUSE and set off GREEN FLARES to stop the AIR FORCE from bombing the living f*** out of WASHINGTON D.C.

PRIVATE RAMIREZ:

Is it just me or are we acting out the ending to The Rock? I also somehow recall a firefight in a prison shower room, even though I wasn't in that particular scene.

SERGEANT FOLEY:

If it’s this game’s unyielding goal to be like a movie, it might as well be a Michael Bay one if the themes are jingoistic militarism and explosions.

PRIVATE RAMIREZ:

I'm sure that's why I'm hearing every Hans Zimmer soundtrack ever being mixed together. In any case, I'm glad I survived. If the last game taught me anything, it's that you don't want to be an American in an Infinity Ward game.

Another RANGER lights his flares right before PRIVATE RAMIREZ does and TOTALLY STEALS HIS THUNDER.

BOMBER PILOT:

I got green smoke, I got green smoke!

In a sudden and jarring change, NOTHING EXPLODES. All is right again in AMERICA, even though the ENTIRE EAST COAST is BLACKED OUT and anyone with a PACEMAKER is pretty much F***ED.

EXT. MAKAROV'S SAFEHOUSE - DAY

ROACH raids VLADIMIR MAKAROV’S SAFEHOUSE alongside soldiers with callsigns such as GHOST, REAPER and HITMAN.

ROACH:

(Insanely jealous)

Oh man, these guys have such badass callsigns. How the f*** did I get Roach?

GHOST:

Maybe it's because you just won't die.

After a series of COMPLETELY UNNECESSARY BREACHES, they find MAKAROV’s personal computer.

GHOST:

Makarov’s got loads of files here. We’ll copy them onto a DSM drive.

ROACH:

Can’t we just pull the hard drive? Or take the computer itself even?

GHOST:

No, we need to draw this out long enough to allow for an endless wave of enemies to come bearing down on us.

ROACH:

Of course we do.

After defending the SAFEHOUSE and frantically bolting through a field littered with enemies, ROACH and GHOST make it to GENERAL SHEPHERD’S HELICOPTER.

GENERAL SHEPHERD

Good work. Now I'm going to shoot you both.

(He does)

ROACH:

Ow, what the f***? I must've died countless times on my way over here. What makes this death different from all the others?

GENERAL SHEPHERD

Drama, basically. How else can we emphasise my betrayal?

ROACH:

Whatever. This game constantly switches protagonists so there’s really no point in forming an emotional bond.

MELANCHOLY VIOLIN MUSIC swells as ROACH is burned alive in a very DRAMATIC WAY.

EXT. AIRCRAFT BONEYARD – DAY

CAPTAIN MACTAVISH and CAPTAIN PRICE need to regroup after being separated.

CAPTAIN MACTAVISH

Shepherd betrayed us!

CAPTAIN PRICE:

Have to trust someone to be betrayed. I never did.

(Beat)

Nikolai, I trust you completely. Pick a vehicle from your apparently vast inventory and come save us. Preferably one we can drive a jeep into. I'm also going to trust the man we’ve been made to hate and enlist his help. Hello, Makarov?

VLADIMIR MAKAROV

Huh, I thought I wasn’t in the game anymore.

CAPTAIN PRICE:

You’ve been bumped for a new villain. If you tell us where he is, we’ll kill him for you.

VLADIMIR MAKAROV

Shepherd is hiding out in a cave in Afghanistan. I'll see you in hell, Price.

CAPTAIN PRICE:

Really? That's the cliché you want to leave us off with? “I’ll see you in hell?"

VLADIMIR MAKAROV

All my best lines were used in the trailers.

CAPTAIN MACTAVISH gets into a JEEP and is then forced to steer it when the DRIVER is SHOT and RAGDOLLS onto the ACCELERATOR. After getting into a DEMOLITION DERBY, he and CAPTAIN PRICE escape.

EXT. CAVE SYSTEM - DAY

CAPTAIN PRICE and CAPTAIN MACTAVISH are on a SUICIDE MISSION to kill GENERAL SHEPHERD for being a SELFISH DOUCHEBAG.

CAPTAIN PRICE:

Soap, do exactly as I say.

CAPTAIN MACTAVISH

Just like old times.

They infiltrate a cave and OWN THE SNOT out of an entire company of soldiers. GENERAL SHEPHERD locks himself inside the CONTROL ROOM.

CAPTAIN PRICE:

Soap, place a slow motion charge on the door.

They BREACH the room and use the power of SLOW MOTION to get the drop on the soldiers inside.

CAPTAIN PRICE:

Hack the door panel, Soap! We need to get out of here!

CAPTAIN MACTAVISH

I don't know how to hack computers.

CAPTAIN PRICE:

Just press the Use key.

CAPTAIN MACTAVISH

Oh hey, that did it.

They run after GENERAL SHEPHERD, who demonstrates more of his DICKISHNESS by BOMBING HIS OWN MEN. He then escapes on a ZODIAC. CAPTAIN PRICE and CAPTAIN MACTAVISH give chase in another ZODIAC which was conveniently left for them. GENERAL SHEPHERD then drives straight into the back of a HELICOPTER. PLAUSIBILITY misses the hatch and goes over A WATERFALL.

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