Monkey Business Page #9

Synopsis: Barnaby Fulton is a research chemist working on a fountain of youth pill for a chemical company. While trying a sample dose on himself, he accidentally gets a dose of a mixture added to the water cooler and believes his potion is what is working. The mixture temporarily causes him to feel and act like a teenager, including correcting his vision. When his wife gets a dose that is even larger, she regresses even further into her childhood. When an old boyfriend meets her in this state, he believes that her never wanting to see him again means a divorce and a chance for him.
Genre: Comedy
Director(s): Howard Hawks
Production: Twentieth Century Fox Home Entertainment
 
IMDB:
7.0
Rotten Tomatoes:
88%
APPROVED
Year:
1952
97 min
686 Views


Barnaby?

Barnaby, I want to talk to you.

- Want to tickle Esther? She likes it.

- No, no, no, no, no.

How would you like to have...

a nice gold watch

and chain all your own?

- Oh.

- Would you like that, Barnaby?

- I've got one.

- But not like this one.

No, no, I don't want it.

Well, would you like

a new bicycle or a pony?

How would you like that?

Oh.

What do I have to do for it?

All you have to do is to tell us

what was the ingredient...

that you put in the formula.

Oh. Oh.

Well, you promised me

a zillion dollars and a nickel.

- We'll give you a zillion dollars.

- And a nickel.

And-And a motorboat,

and-and-and a new pony.

- Yes, how would you like that?

- When?

Just as soon as you tell us

what the ingredient was...

you added to the formula.

Oh, that's simple.

I just added...

Oh! Now look what...

Barnaby! Barnaby!

Aren't you gonna tell us, Barnaby?

- What you wanna write that for?

- Because it's true, true!

- It isn't, and you're gonna erase it!

- I won't!

Barnaby, you promised

to give us the ingredient!

- You can't make me!

- Yes, I will!

- Barnaby!

- Head her off!

- You big bully! I'll tell my mother!

- Stop her, somebody!

- Barnaby, you can't catch me!

- Why don't you help me catch her?

- If we catch her, will you tell us?

- Sure!

- Somebody, stop her there! Catch her!

- Stop! King's X!

- What was it?

- Heat!

I heated the mixture

to 150 degrees Fahrenheit!

By George, we've got it!

No fair! No fair!

- Now I got you. Go on, erase it.

- No, I won't!

- Yes, you erase it!

- You hurt me! Let go!

You big crybaby!

You erase it and... Aah!

Esther, what are you

doing up there?

- Come down here this instant.

- Mr. Oxly, they're getting away!

Let 'em go, Doctor.

You heard what he said.

We got what we wanted.

That's all that matters.

- We've got to be sure.

- Don't bother me now. I'm busy.

Esther, come here now!

G.J., we're standing on the brink

of a new world and the new...

- What is it you want?

- I heated the formula I gave to you...

Get that monkey down from there!

What'd you say?

I heated the formula

I gave to you last night.

- It didn't do a...

- He's fooled us again!

Well, don't stand there!

Go and catch him!

Run after him! Go on!

Get a policeman! Get two policemen!

When are you gonna

stop tagging after me?

When I want to.

- Why don't you go play with girls?

- Why can't I play with you?

I don't want you to,

that's why. Oh!

- Barnaby Fulton, I don't like you.

- Then go away.

I will not. So there.

Then don't go away.

Hmm!

I'll tell my mother.

Hmm.

Here's one for your mother.

I'll tell Hank Entwhistle.

Here's two

for Hank Entwhistle.

Oh, now look

what you've done!

- I'm gonna tell Hank Entwhistle!

- Hey!

Leave that paintbrush here!

Crybaby!

He's gonna be sorry

for what he did.

Very, very sorry.

I'm gonna call

Hank Entwhistle.

That's what I'll do.

I'll call Hank.

Hmm! Hmm!

Hello?

I wanna speak to

Hank Entwhistle, please.

- You mean Mr. Entwhistle?

- That's what I said.

- Yes, ma'am.

- I'll show him. I'll...

- Hello?

- Hello, Hank?

- This is Edwina.

- Oh, hello, Edwina.

Would you come over

to my house right away?

What's the matter?

It's Barnaby.

He threw a whole bucket

of paint all over me!

See?

- What did you do?

- I didn't do a thing.

- Hmm!

- He must've gone mad.

I don't ever wanna

see him again.

Edwina, are you gonna go through

with it this time and really leave him?

Yes, I'm going to go away.

Far, far away.

- Hmm!

- I'm gonna go away and...

Hello? Hello, Edwina?

Edwina, what's the matter?

Huh? Oh.

I don't know.

I just suddenly feel very sleepy.

That's shock, Edwina.

I saw a lot of it in the army.

Now just lie down and keep warm,

and it'll go away in a few minutes...

and I'll be right over.

- Good-bye.

- Hmm, hmm, hmm!

So he's comin' over here, huh?

Hmm, hmm, hmm!

What'll I do to him?

That's what I'll do. I'll get my gang.

I'll scalp him! Scalp him.

Hank Entwhistle.

You wait till you see

what I do to him. Ha!

I'll scalp him, that's what

I'm gonna do. Scalp him.

Oh, ra!

Ra, ra!

Big chief.

Big chief. I'll fix him.

I'll show him.

Oh!

- Why, Dr. Fulton!

- Shh!

I'm just getting this

to scalp a man.

- What are you...

- Shh!

The things

some people think of.

- Morning, Mrs. Brannigan.

- Morning.

- You gonna be here for a while?

- Yeah, I should be another hour or so.

Would you mind watching Johnny?

I have to go to market,

and it's too much trouble to drag him.

- Sure, I'll watch him for you.

- I won't be long.

All right. What?

Come on, Johnny.

Here we go.

Here. Now, there's a nice

big yard for you to play in.

You all right? Okay.

What do you want us to do

with the bad man, Red Eagle?

Yeah, Red Eagle.

Tell us.

Well, first we stop his car

and then capture him.

Then what do we do with him?

- Let's tie him to a stake.

- And then burn him!

- Yeah.

- Yeah, and burn him good!

- That won't work.

- Who said that?

I did.

Oh, you.

Why won't it work?

Somebody will stop us

the minute we light a fire.

They always do.

- Yeah, that's right.

- What do you say, Red Eagle?

Well, let's tie him to a stake

and scalp him. That's it.

- You mean for real?

- Sure.

You can't scalp anybody

unless you do a war dance first.

Oh. Well, just a minute.

I'll-I'll-I'll remember that.

You two braves...

Can't scalp anybody

unless you do a war dance first.

- He's right, Red Eagle.

- Well, we can scalp him, can't we?

You have to do

a war dance first.

Do you know a war dance,

Red Eagle?

Ah... Well, sure.

That's no good.

You gotta sing when you do it.

Oh. Oh, you gotta sing.

Well, all right, we'll sing.

Oh, you with the drum,

give me a beat.

Uh, bum-bum-bum-bum.

Bum-bum... You sing.

# Me want a wampum #

- # Me want a wampum #

- You sing too.

- # Me want a wampum #

- You go, "Ugh!"

- # Me want a wampum #

- Ugh!

- # Me want a wampum #

- Ugh!

Ugga, ugga, gloop, gloop!

Ugga, ugga, gloop, gloop!

- Ugga, ugga, gloop, gloop! Ugh!

- # Me want a wampum #

You go,

"Ahi, ho, ho, ho."

- #Ahi, ho, ho, ho #

- #Ahi, ho, ho, ho #

Ugh!

# Me want a wampum #

- # Scalp a paleface #

- # Scalp a paleface #

- # Me want a wampum #

- Ugh!

Now you go,

"Aho, ho, ho!"

#Aho, ho, ho #

- #Aho, ho, ho #

- #Aho, ho, ho #

# Di-di-di-di-di #

Barnaby!

Darling, speak to me!

Say something!

Oh, my darl...

Operator!

Operator, get a taxi, will you?

Uh, this is 1605 Gilcrest.

Send a taxi right away.

Emergency. Thank you.

Darling!

Oh, darling!

Barnaby, are you trying

to say something?

Well, speak to me.

Barnaby, I'm your wife.

Say something!

Oh, my poor husband.

What have you done to yourself?

- Driver, hurry. Please hurry.

- Yes, ma'am.

Right this way, mister.

Hello, kids.

Hi.

Well, why did Mrs. Fulton

say to meet her here?

She didn't say.

Was Mr. Fulton there?

I mean, at the house?

- He could've been.

- Oh, that's the reason. I see it now.

Mister, will you play with us?

Rate this script:4.3 / 3 votes

Ben Hecht

Ben Hecht (1894–1964) was an American screenwriter, director, producer, playwright, journalist and novelist. A journalist in his youth, he went on to write thirty-five books and some of the most entertaining screenplays and plays in America. He received screen credits, alone or in collaboration, for the stories or screenplays of some seventy films. more…

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Submitted on August 05, 2018

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