Monkey Business Page #8

Synopsis: Barnaby Fulton is a research chemist working on a fountain of youth pill for a chemical company. While trying a sample dose on himself, he accidentally gets a dose of a mixture added to the water cooler and believes his potion is what is working. The mixture temporarily causes him to feel and act like a teenager, including correcting his vision. When his wife gets a dose that is even larger, she regresses even further into her childhood. When an old boyfriend meets her in this state, he believes that her never wanting to see him again means a divorce and a chance for him.
Genre: Comedy
Director(s): Howard Hawks
Production: Twentieth Century Fox Home Entertainment
 
IMDB:
7.0
Rotten Tomatoes:
88%
APPROVED
Year:
1952
97 min
686 Views


That's why I'm going

to destroy the formula.

Oh, now, really.

Are you crying?

Hmm.

Are you sure you wanna

throw away two years of hard work?

Yes, I am. But it's still

in my head, unfortunately.

I'm going to forget it.

It's too dangerous.

It's utterly unpredictable.

Oh, no. Now, please, please.

Don't use this water.

Can't you see the sign?

Just use the bottled water

out of the cooler.

And make plenty of coffee.

I need a lot this morning.

That's that.

Hello?

This is Mr. Oxly.

Oh, Mr. Oxly,

Dr. Fulton's here in the plant.

He just came in with Mrs. Fulton.

- Are you sure?

- Yes, sir.

Well, how is Mrs. Fulton?

Is she behaving normally?

Well, she didn't try to hit me,

but she wasn't very polite.

- She said that...

- Never mind.

Now listen carefully, Miss Laurel.

I don't want them to leave.

Have the guards hold 'em

if they try to go.

- You understand?

- Yes, sir.

And notify the entire

board of directors...

that I want to see them in

the conference room immediately.

- I'll be right down.

- Yes, sir.

My, this is funny-tasting coffee.

It's bitter.

Yeah, I noticed it.

It's not the coffee.

It's the aftereffects of the formula.

Hmm. The formula.

What a fool I was to let you

take that stuff last night.

- Well, you couldn't help it.

- Hmm.

- Hey, that's your third cup.

- I know it.

That's your second cup,

isn't it?

- Yes.

- Good.

Supposing you'd taken an overdose?

- Perhaps I did.

- No, I mean a serious overdose.

You know,

it's perfectly logical to assume...

that you'd have

behaved even younger.

You remember

Mr. Oxly jumping around?

Yeah.

My, I'm going to be embarrassed

when I see him again. Hmm!

How young do you think

it could really make you...

if you drank a whole glassful?

Oh, I don't know.

Twelve, ten, five...

It might even turn you

into an infant.

Hmm-hmm.

I was just imagining you

not being able to talk...

or feed yourself even.

It could be very embarrassing.

Yeah, couldn't it be?

Well, you know that's just

about what could happen.

Ah! Ta-da. I'll get it.

Hello? Hi!

Hey, did you ever find the fish?

What'd you do with him?

Ha! Yeah, I'm keen.

He's here. Just a minute.

It's old Oxly.

What's on your mind?

Ha-ha-ha.

Barnaby, could you and your wife

meet me right away?

We're just here drinking coffee.

- I'll be in the conference room.

- We'll be right there.

Put that back, please.

Put that back, please.

Any other orders, sir?

Going up.

- Good morning, gentlemen.

- Good morning.

Dr. Fulton will be here shortly,

so please be seated.

We must act quickly.

You all know why you're here...

to negotiate with Dr. Fulton

for his formula.

As far as money goes,

I say all out, and hang the expense.

Yes, but as chairman

of your board of directors...

I want to point out that Fulton

made his discovery on our time.

I've got bad news for you, G.J.

We do not have the formula.

- What?

- Last night, Dr. Lentil...

- Dr. Linten.

- Dr. Linten, Dr. Fulton's assistant...

brought me a dose

of the formula, and I took it.

I can't tell you with what eagerness

I awaited the results...

but there were none.

No reactions at all.

The formula that Dr. Thingamabob

brought me is incomplete.

Now, there must be

another ingredient...

that he knows nothing about.

Dr. Fulton has made

no record of it...

and there's nothing in his notes

to tell us what it is.

And without that ingredient,

we are helpless.

Failure to keep complete records is

against every rule of this organization.

Fulton knows that.

He's been an employee for ten years.

Failure may not have

been intentional.

- Fulton was not himself yesterday.

- No, definitely not.

Well, let's hope he's himself now.

There's no doubt about it.

We are now dealing with

a sane and adult scientist...

and I anticipate no difficulties.

Well?

All right, Oliver, go ahead

if you want to. It's up to you.

I wonder what's keeping them.

- Doctor, would you mind taking a look?

- Yes, sir.

Hmm. Uh...

Oh, Barnaby, Mrs. Fulton,

come on in.

Uh, what's the matter?

No. Come on in.

Mrs. Fulton,

forget all about last night.

- I assure you I have. Come in.

- Yes, yes.

You fellows are always

experimenting, aren't you?

I believe you know

everybody here.

Yes. Come on.

There you go.

- Take a seat.

- Thank you.

Make yourself comfortable.

Oh, Mrs. Fulton,

won't you sit over here?

Do I have to?

- No.

- I wanna sit here.

All right.

Barnaby, I think I speak

for everyone here...

when I say that I consider you

one of the great men of modern science.

Now, I asked you

to come here today...

to discuss

the sale of your formula.

Our organization...

Our organization is ready

to offer you a block of stock...

the income from which is sufficient

to keep you and Mrs. Fulton...

to keep you and Mrs. Fulton

in comfort for the rest of your lives.

Now the question is,

how much cash do you want?

Mmm.

Barnaby?

I said, how much cash

do you want?

How much?

Oh.

- Name any amount.

- A zillion dollars.

- What?

- How much did he say?

- What?

- How much did he say?

A zillion dollars.

That's a million trillion.

- By George, he's taken it again!

- Obviously.

Look here, Fulton.

Your discovery was our property

in the first place.

- Now take it easy.

- We don't have to give you a cent.

Oh, I wish I had a nickel.

Fulton, I'll blackball you

out of the chemical industry!

- You're talking to a child, G.J.

- Don't be ridiculous.

- He's no child.

- Oh, what you said. Put 'em up!

Here, give me something.

Knock that off my shoulder.

Barnaby, when we get mad,

we don't fight, do we?

- Yes, we do.

- They didn't teach you that in school.

Well, who care...

Hi!

Hello, Dr. Fulton.

- Did you come to play with me?

- No. I came to tell Mr. Oxly...

Never mind, Miss Laurel.

I think you'd better go.

No, no, no. I want her

to stay and play with me.

Well, if I let her stay...

will you tell me the missing

ingredient in your formula?

- Yes, yes!

- All right, go ahead.

'Well, well. All right,

now-now say "terrify."

- Terrify.

- Now say "tissue."

- Tissue.

- Now say them both fast together.

- Terrify tissue.

- No!

- How dare you!

- Oh, goody, goody!

- Why, Miss Laurel...

- Really, Mr. Ox...

- But I don't...

- Don't you do that. Oh! You too!

I did it! I pinched her!

I shot her!

Oh, now you've

spoiled everything!

Did you see her run?

She's a scaredy-cat!

Now, little girl, you stop it!

Hear me? Stop it!

Now you come over here.

You sit in that chair

and behave yourself.

- You understand? Behave yourself!

- Yes, sir.

Now, Barnaby?

- Barnaby? Barnaby, where are you?

- He's under the table.

Barnaby, what are you

doing under there?

Tickling Esther.

Now come on out.

I wanna talk to you.

I don't wanna talk anymore.

G.J., we're dealing

with a ten-year-old.

We've got to humor him.

There's no other way.

If you say so, Oliver.

Well, come on down here and help me!

Don't just stand there!

Rate this script:4.3 / 3 votes

Ben Hecht

Ben Hecht (1894–1964) was an American screenwriter, director, producer, playwright, journalist and novelist. A journalist in his youth, he went on to write thirty-five books and some of the most entertaining screenplays and plays in America. He received screen credits, alone or in collaboration, for the stories or screenplays of some seventy films. more…

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Submitted on August 05, 2018

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    "Monkey Business" Scripts.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2024. Web. 26 Jul 2024. <https://www.scripts.com/script/monkey_business_13974>.

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