Monkey Business Page #7

I think I flew in.

Look out for the step.

But I didn't have my glasses.

Yes, I know.

I stepped on them.

- Here, you'd better put this on.

- What for?

- Because you might get cold.

- Oh.

That's it. There now.

Now get in.

Oh, it's... Huh.

Are you all right?

Yes, thank you, dear.

Are you?

Yes. The effects of the formula

have worn off.

Now don't talk.

Just relax, and try to get

some sleep on the way home.

Yes, dear.

- Darling?

- Hmm?

We're home.

Wake up.

Oh, good, good, good.

- Oh.

- I'll help you.

You know what? I just had such

a peculiar dream about Hank.

Was that true about

you kissing him?

- Not that it matters, of course.

- Darling, that's so silly.

Oh, I just remembered.

I did something terrible,

and I forgot to tell you.

Hey.

- Who's that?

- Hold it.

- You get it?

- Yep.

- Dr. Fulton?

- Yes.

We're from the news.

We'd like a statement.

What about?

We had a call from your lawyer,

Mr. Entwhistle.

I do wish Hank wouldn't give out

statements to the press about my work.

- Give us the whole story, Doc.

- Barney, I think...

Darling, l-I can't be

impolite to the gentlemen.

I have nothing to say until

I've finished all of my experiments.

- Is there another woman?

- No, there's no other woman.

My wife has been

my only victim so far.

I'll have a much

better story for you...

when I've experimented

with ten or twenty others.

I'm not going to try it again

with human beings for a while.

- I'll stick to chimpanzees.

- Is that right?

Wait a minute, Barney.

You... You're talking about

two different things.

Well, what happened, Doc?

Did your wife raid your love nest?

Don't answer that, Barney.

You don't know what he means.

Don't try to protect him.

This is good for our side.

What are you doing here?

- Look out. Get inside.

- Don't do that, Mrs. Fulton.

- This is all the story I've got.

- That's all you're going to get.

What is the idea of making

statements to the press?

Don't try to pretend

you don't know the reason.

I tried to tell you out on the porch,

but you wouldn't...

You know the reason very well,

and don't pretend that you don't.

- It happened at the hotel last night.

- Keep your distance.

If you lay a hand on her,

you'll answer to me.

Hank, will you please

shut up and go home?

Barnaby, I've tried t...

Mother!

- Well!

- Oh, no.

Edwina, Hank told me.

I expected you'd be

bruised and disfigured.

- But, Mother, you don't understand.

- What is everyone talking about?

You stay away from her,

you wife-beater!

Mother, it isn't what you think.

Now, it's all my fault.

- I won't let you forgive him.

- Hank, will you please shut up?

- Edwina, Hank's right.

- And you, too, Mother!

- As your lawyer and your friend...

- Hank, you are going.

- But it's my duty...

- You are just one too many.

- But you told me that...

- I know I did.

What is it you want me to do

if you don't want...

I'll telephone. Now go on.

Now listen here,

you two.

No. You listen to me.

I'm not going to let you

throw away the rest of your life.

Will you please tell me

what's been going on?

If you'll only give me...

Oh, I just knew something

like this would happen.

- Edwina, tell me what's...

- Quiet.

Mother, I've been playing

guinea pig for Barnaby...

trying a new formula.

And, under its influence,

I caused all this mess.

Oh. Oh, you...

You mean you telephoned Hank?

Yes, darling, l-I did that

last night after you left.

I'm terribly sorry,

but I couldn't help it.

Oh, well, I don't suppose

it was your fault, actually.

Oh, don't let him

dominate you again.

Do something, do anything,

but just don't...

- My-My dear mother-in-law.

- Yes?

Now, I have not lost my temper

with you for seven years.

Do not trifle with your luck.

Well, let's be

civilized about this.

Well, that's better.

Just mind your business and shut up!

Now will you drive me

to the plant, please, Edwina?

- Right away?

- Yeah, yeah.

As soon as I can

put on some clothes...

I'll try to salvage some of the wreckage

I seem to have made of our lives.

- Well, l...

- Mother, I think you'd better be quiet.

- Hello, Jerome.

- Well, good morning, Mrs. Fulton.

Doctor, I looked everywhere

for you last night.

Later, please, Jerome.

Right now I'd like to have

the laboratory to myself for a while.

Oh, yes.

Very well, Doctor.

Edwina, my spare glasses

are in the top drawer of the desk.

- Would you get them, please?

- Certainly, dear.

Here? Oh, yes,

here they are.

Darling, you're

acting rather stern.

Are you angry at me because

of what I did last night?

Edwina, now, I thought

this over very carefully...

and I've almost

come to a conclusion.

I'm thinking

of destroying the formula.

Destroying it?

So then you are angry.

Oh, I've been

in better moods.

Do you think you'd feel any better

if I fixed you some toast and coffee?

You haven't had any

breakfast yet, remember?

Yeah, thank you.

I'm starved.

Well, the coffee

and coffee pot are in there.

You can use this plug

thatJerome uses.

All right.

You know, l-I've decided

that the formula...

is the most dubious

discovery since itching powder...

and just about as useful.

Oh, I wouldn't say that.

It cured your bursitis

and improved your vision.

And I must say,

it made you feel young.

Hmm!

I'm beginning to wonder

if being young...

is all it's cracked up to be.

The dream of youth.

We remember it as a time

of nightingales and valentines...

and what are the facts?

Maladjustment, near idiocy,

and a series of low-comedy disasters.

That's what youth is.

I don't see how anyone survives it.

- Now, Edwina?

- Hmm?

Tell me something,

because it's been bothering me.

- Yes, dear?

- Why did you want to divorce?

Oh, Barnaby. It wasn't me.

It was the formula.

You ought to understand that.

Oh, I understand it was

the formula that brought it out.

Brought what out?

Well, some subconscious

aversion to me.

Aversion to you?

Well, I love you,

you potato head.

How do I know there isn't

some buried resentment...

that you don't consciously realize?

Well, I certainly don't

consciously realize...

and I think that's pretty

rotten of you to say that.

Wait a minute.

What about the way you kept

bringing up Hank Entwhistle?

- Oh, bosh.

- Do you love him?

Now that is ridiculous.

I don't know.

You kissed him, didn't you?

You can't seem to get that

out of your mind, can you?

- No, I can't.

- Well, all right.

Are you in love with this,

um, whozits?

Of course not.

Well, you went smooching

with her on roller skates.

May I ask, what was your hidden aversion

or subconscious discontent...

or whatever it is

you want to call it...

that made you go playing

patty-cake with her all over town?

Doing a swan-dive,

acting like a...

Well, go on.

Oh, Barnaby.

Don't say anything, darling,

and I won't either.

We shouldn't be fighting...

having doubts

about our marriage.

- That isn't right.

- Well, that's just my point.

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