Monkeybone Page #16

STU:

NO! DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND?? HE'S GOT MY E-TICKET!

HE'S GOT MY -

HYPNOS:

Sorry, Stu. It's all part of the deal. We've got

big plans for that body of yours!

EXT. E-TICKET RIDE - ON MONKEYBONE

The familiar miasma of COLORS is beginning to swirl in the night sky

overhead. MONKEYBONE straps on a NEEDLE-TIPPED HELMET which makes him

look like a simian DART. Then he climbs into the seat of the TEST-YOUR-

STRENGTH machine and braces himself for the big ride!

EXT. DARK TOWN PLAZA - THAT MOMENT - RIGHT

ONLOOKERS APPLAUD as the robot lifts its mallet and LETS FLY. DING!! The

tiny figure of MONKEYBONE soars toward the swirling colors. His DART-

HELMET strikes the black hole dead center.

STU WATCHES HELPLESSLY as MONKEYBONE penetrates the veil of the sky and

VANISHES. He's still SCREAMING when the cackling DARKTOWNERS drag him

out of the plaza by the heels...

STU:

NO! JULIE! NO-O-O-O!

AERIAL SHOT - ON MONKEYBONE

ROCKETING UPWARD through the clouds in his dart-helmet, a look of SHEER

EXHILARATION on his simian face. Somewhere a CLOCK begins to chime the

hour...

INT. STU'S PRIVATE ROOM - 8:59 AM - DAY

MOST OF OUR CAST is either in STU's room or in the hallway outside.

PLUS we've got a man of the cloth; two LEGAL TYPES, with briefcases; and

several of the NURSES from the facility.

ALICE squeezes JULIE's hand, and JULIE squeezes STU's. The minute hand

on the clock hits twelve. KIMMY, sobbing into a handkerchief, gives DR.

EDELSTEIN the nod. As he reaches for the power switch...

STU:

EEEEEEPP!!

JULIE DROPS the hand with a gasp. The DOCTOR jumps half a foot.

All at once STU is sitting BOLT UPRIGHT IN BED...shaking his head and

feeling around gingerly under the bedclothes, as if something VERY SHARP

has just poked him in the ass.

STU:

Oooie! That smarts!!!

KIMMY sighs and FAINTS DEAD AWAY.

STU blinks and looks about the room, disoriented. It could be because

he's just come out of a coma after seven months. Or it could be because

he's a MONKEY unaccustomed to hanging out in a human body.

JULIE:

Stu?

STU:

Julie?... Hey, you are a looker.

A BURST OF LAUGHTER from the others in the room. Weeping TEARS OF JOY,

JULIE flings herself across the bed and hugs him tight.

While JULIE is hugging him, STU is checking out his new fingers and

toes, RUBBING his sparse patch of CHEST FUR. DOCTORS and NURSES look on

in amazement from the doorway.

NURSE:

It's a miracle. It's a miracle.

DOCTOR:

Two more ticks of the clock...

STU is almost oblivious to JULIE. He lifts up the sheet, sneaks a quick

peek at his CROTCH, and grins delightedly.

JULIE gives him another kiss, WHISPERS in his ear:

JULIE:

Thank you. Thank you for coming back to me.

What she doesn't know is that, although he still looks like STU, his

body is now occupied by MONKEYBONE. Since he's now a hybrid character,

man on the outside and monkey within, let's call him...

STU-BONE

Boy, I don't know about you guys, but I'm

starving.

WIPE TO:

INT. DUNGEON - NIGHT

A damp, stonewalled VAULT with a barred door. STU is sprawled on the

floor, OUT COLD, when a VOICE awakes him...

RAT GUARD (o.s.)

Heads up! Feeding time!

STU comes around just in time to see a PANEL sliding open in the ceiling

far overhead. A torrent of JUNK - stale popcorn, half-eaten candy bars,

molten ice cream pops, and sticky soda - rains down ON HIS FACE.

A horde of DARK FIGURES emerge from the shadowy catacombs around him.

All at once, HANDS are grabbing at him from all directions. STU lets out

a SCREAM - backs up against a wall -

STU:

Who are y-- WHAT DO YOU WANT??

A MONGOL WARRIOR with a droopy mustache looks up at him.

GENGHIS KHAN:

Dinner.

After a moment STU realizes that the DARK FIGURES have almost no

interest in him - instead, they've been grabbing at the half-eaten

SNACKS that cascaded down onto his head. A long-haired SLAV - RASPUTIN -

dives on a Hershey bar with only one bite out of it, but an oddly

familiar FAT MAN gets there first. STU gapes at him...

STU:

Alfred Hitchcock??

EDGAR ALLAN POE:

A fat bastard, but damn quick on his feet.

TYPHOID MARY:

That's how he keeps his girlish figure.

STEPHEN KING:

Gotta move fast in this crowd, or you'll starve.

Here you go, pal. Have some popcorn.

He offers STU a box of popcorn soaked in Dr. Pepper.

STU:

What is this stuff?

STEPHEN KING:

They feed us the slops from the Morpheum

Theatre. You hope for Jujubes, settle for

goobers. - I'm Steve. Steve King.

STU:

Stephen King? What are you doing in here?

Various OTHERS emerge from the shadows to shake STU's hand.

JACK THE RIPPER:

I'm Jack the Ripper.

TYPHOID MARY:

Typhoid Mary.

ATILLA THE HUN:

Atilla the Hun. Trade you a Twizzler for a box

of Raisinets!

STU:

Atilla the - ! What in hell is this place?

As if in reply, a FANFARE sounds in the distance...

INT. DUNGEON - ENTRANCE

A RAT GUARD stands at attention by the door, TOOTING HIS KAZOO to

announce the arrival of an honored guest.

RAT GUARD:

All hail the most glorious! Most eminent! Most

esteemed all-powerful God of Sleep...his Royal

Lassitude -

HYPNOS:

Enough, enough, I'm hung over.

As HYPNOS passes, the DUNGEON DWELLERS race up to the WALL OF BARS that

separates the entry area from the dungeon proper.

TYPHOID MARY:

Hyp! Did you bring me the cough medicine?

STEPHEN KING:

Did you remember the night light I asked for?

EDGAR ALLAN POE:

King, you p*ssy.

STEPHEN KING:

Bite me, Poe! I hate waking up in the dark.

HYPNOS:

Sorry, Steve, maybe next time. And how's our new

guest settling in - ?

STU:

YOU SET ME UP!!

STU LUNGES at HYPNOS - who backs up just out of reach.

Rate this script:3.0 / 1 vote