Monkeybone Page #5

STU:

Chasing me - animals - horrible -

BULL:

Animals? What kind of animals?

STU GAGS. BULL is a full-fledged MINOTAUR, body of a man, head of a

BULL. His features are CUBIST - weirdly squashed over to one side.

BULL:

Yeah, I know - Picasso. Guernica, right? That's

what everybody says - although personally, I

don't see the resemblance. What are you

drinking?

STU:

Uhh - martini?

BULL:

Olive or eyeball?

STU:

Olive. - Where exactly am I?

BULL:

Dark Town. Land of nightmares. I'm Bull.

STU:

Stu Miley.

BULL:

Yeah, I've seen a few of your dreams. You're

quite a celebrity down here.

STU gives him a cockeyed look. BULL points to a MONITOR mounted over the

bar, on which a panicked man in pajamas is trying to run barefoot

through a great sticky SEA OF MOLASSES.

BULL:

I told you, it's the land of nightmares. Same on

every channel...all the stuff people dream,

after they have the extra anchovies.

He changes channels with a remote. Now we see a guy falling through

midair, arms and legs flailing, falling, falling, falling...

STU:

Jeez, it all looks like bad late-night cable.

BULL:

Sad commentary, huh?

Now a small muffled VOICE speaks from the area of STU'S BACKPACK:

DISEMBODIED VOICE (o.s.)

"Bull," huh? That's cute. What's your last name

- "Sh*t"??

BULL:

(turning angrily to STU)

I beg your pardon?

STU:

I didn't say anything.

VOICE (o.s.)

Nice face. Lemme guess. You were in a bullfight

...with a Mack Truck!!

STU claps both hands over his mouth to prove he's not the one talking.

BULL glowers at him, snorting STEAM out of both nostrils.

STU:

I was, uh, just getting ready to leave...

BULL:

Yo, Jumbo. We got us some kind of ventriloquist

here.

The ELEPHANT GOD from the Wurlitzer organ comes lumbering over.

VOICE (o.s.)

Well, hello, sailor. Get a lot of dates with

that ding-dong on your face??

BULL and JUMBO rear back to PUNCH STU'S LIGHTS OUT. He's saying his

prayers when his BACKPACK begins to BULGE and QUIVER - and a SMALL FURRY

BEAST pops out, CACKLING HIS HEAD OFF!!

MONKEYBONE:

Just kiddin', folks! Drinks for everybody -

(pointing at STU)

On him!! HIYA, BOSS!!

BULL and JUMBO back off, STUNNED. The monkey grabs STU'S FACE and plants

a big wet SMOOCH right on his NOSE. STU SCREAMS.

CUT TO:

INT. HOSPITAL ROOM - THAT MOMENT - NIGHT

TIGHT ON an EEG monitor. There's a sudden BLIP on the readout.

NURSE:

Just a spike, ma'am. It happens. It's perfectly

natural with coma patients.

JULIE:

I'm a doctor too. I know this man's brain -

JULIE strokes STU's limp hand. He's COMATOSE, cocooned in a tangle of

wires and tubes. His head and shoulders are heavily bandaged. He's

hooked up to as much machinery as you can cram into one room.

DOCTOR:

Go home, Doctor. Rest. Come back when you can do

us some good.

INT. HOSPITAL - WAITING ROOM - NIGHT

Dead on her feet, JULIE stumbles toward the exit. As she's leaving she

passes the WAITING ROOM -

WOMAN'S VOICE

Julie?

She turns and sees an older colleague from work - ALICE - waiting in the

doorway. Hovering right behind ALICE is HERB. And behind him -

It appears that almost everyone in the waiting room is a friend of JULIE

and STU's. Disheveled and groggy, they rouse themselves and make their

way over to JULIE's side. She's overcome with emotion.

INT. STU & JULIE'S HOUSE - ENTRY - NIGHT

The sound of the key in the lock is met by INSANE BARKING. JULIE and

ALICE enter and are met by BUSTER, the pet basset - jumping and yipping

like crazy after 24 hours without food or human company.

ALICE:

Now don't pick a fight. I'm staying over.

JULIE:

Oh, poor Buster. He hasn't been fed in a day and

a half. Let me get some food...

ALICE kneels to play with the dog. She hears a sudden GASP from the

kitchen. JULIE is standing by the open refrigerator, wearing an

absolutely stricken expression...

INT. KITCHEN - THAT MOMENT - NIGHT

ALICE finds JULIE holding a bottle of champagne - Veuve Clicquot La

Grande Dame 1989 - all wrapped up in a bow and ribbon.

ALICE:

Special occasion?

JULIE:

I don't know. I guess it was...

She bursts into tears. ALICE sits her down at the kitchen table and

takes the champagne from her.

ALICE:

Don't get all poignant. We're keeping this

bottle on ice. When he comes around you're going

to need it.

INT. BATHROOM - LATER - NIGHT

A limp JULIE soaking in a steamy tub, one arm dangling over the side. On

the vanity is a framed PHOTO STRIP, four poses for a dollar. In the

first three, STU and JULIE are making outrageously goony faces. In the

fourth, they imitate the stern-faced farm couple from American Gothic.

She gazes at it for a long, long time. Eventually she smiles.

INT. SECOND BEDROOM/STUDIO - NIGHT

OPEN on two PHOTOS, mounted in a single frame. On the left, BUSTER

KEATON, droopy-eyed, in his familiar porkpie hat and vest. On the right,

a Photoshopped image of BUSTER THE BASSETT HOUND, in the same pose, also

wearing Keaton's hat and vest.

These photos are on the wall of the cramped room which serves as STU's

studio and JULIE's office. MONKEYBONE STRIPS are scattered across the

drafting table. ALICE is making up the sofa as a guest bed.

As she's hanging her coat in the closet she comes across an ACRYLIC

CANVAS in the back, stashed behind a battered portfolio and a box full

of spiral-bound sketchbooks. She pulls it out. She's obviously disturbed

by it, but she can't tear her eyes away...

She's still gaping at the painting when JULIE enters in a terrycloth

robe.

ALICE:

Who did this?

JULIE:

Stu. That was right about the time we met.

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