Monster-in-Law Page #9

Now, I want to get

an up-close look|at the bride.

Holy Toledo!

You are a stunner!

My grandson|is a lucky fellah.

Look, what he did.

He went out and found|himself an exotic Latina!

Would that my son|had been that lucky.

Here we go again.

What? You were|a television weatherwoman

in Dubuque, Montana.

You drove around|in a broken-down minivan

and you drank red wine|from a box!

Classy.

You killed him,|you know?

- What?!|- You killed him.

All the doctors agreed,

my son died|of terminal disappointment!

If anybody killed him,|you did.

You smothered him|to death!

Nobody was ever|good enough for him!

My God, you look old!

Fine.

This woman is going|to drive me insane.

Now, I'd rather not|take all the credit.

You'll get over it.

- Okay, I love you.|- You're kidding.

This is never gonna end, is it?

I mean, that's going|to be me and you in 30 years.

We'll be doing|the exact same thing.

You know what?

I wanted to marry Kevin|because we make each other happy.

But you're never gonna|let that happen.

Are you?

Oh my God.|I can't believe I'm saying this.

You win, Viola.

What do you mean?

The wedding's off.

Bye, Ruby.

I-I cannot believe|she compared me to Gertrude.

I know.|Now that's just wrong.

- Thank you.|- You are far worse.

I don't recall Gertrude|ever trying to poison you.

And I'm pretty sure|she wore black to your wedding.

Black. Yeah, she said|she was in mourning.

Mm-hmm.

I just want my son|to be happy.

Whatever made you|think he wasn't?

Hey, what are you|doing here?

Don't you know it's|bad luck to see the...

Charlie, what's wrong?

What is it?

Are you nervous?

Hey.

- Kevin, I need...|- Charlie,

I need to talk to you.

- Viola, stop it!|- It's the flower girls.

- They're drunk again.|- What?

Yeah, in the toilet.

Not now, Viola, okay?

It's really important.

Just give us a minute.|She'll be right there.

Please?

Charlie, what is it?

I'll be right back.

What do you want, Viola?

I don't want you|to walk out on this wedding.

You don't?

No, I don't.

What, am I supposed to believe|that you've had some epiphany?

That all of the sudden,|everything is going to be different?

It's never been|about you, Charlie.

It's me.

I've been so afraid|of losing him.

He's the only family|I've got.

This is my chance|for a family, too.

- And I'm scared.|- Oh!

Don't blow your chance|for happiness.

You've never needed|my approval.

He's loved you|from the very beginning.

And I promise I will|get out of the way

and let the two of you|be happy.

That's not what I want.

I mean, there just has|to be some boundaries, Viola.

I can do boundaries!

I don't love boundaries|but I can do them.

How about the number of times|you call Kevin a day?

Can we limit that|to, like, one?

Oh, I need at least|four minimum.

- He's 35 years old.|- Three?

- Two.|- Deal.

Two long-ass calls!

When Kevin and I|have kids,

he and I will decide|how they're raised.

All right. But you know I have|raised one wonderful boy.

- And my advice could be very...|- Will be solicited when needed.

All right, as long as one kid|is named after me.

- Middle name.|- Deal.

What else?

Holidays|and special occasions.

Are you gonna keep|me away?

You must be present|for every Christmas,

Thanksgiving,|birthday,

school play,|clarinet recital

and soccer game|in our kids' lives.

I want you to love them|and spoil them

and teach them things|that Kevin and I can't.

Like how to throw|a right hook for example.

I want you there, Viola.

I do, up front and center.

From this point|I will not negotiate.

Damn. That girl can give|a nice little speech.

Deal?

Oh...

can they call me "Aunt Viola"|instead of "Grandma"?

Fine.

Come on, unzip me.

Viola, you don't|have to wear that dress, really.

Yes, I do. Really.

Go, Kevin and Charlie!

Yeah!

Mom!

Do you really think I would leave without|saying goodbye?

I love you, Mom.

- Thanks for everything.|- Go.

Bye, you guys!

Okay, everybody gather around|the back of the car!

Charlie!

Charlie, right here!|Right here, Charlie!

Sheesh.

- Oh, Hawaii! I cannot wait!|- I know. I can't either.

Have a great|time in Hawaii!

- Good luck!|- Have fun in Hawaii!

Just you and me|now, Ruby!

Jesus. Who did I kill|in a past life?

And take off|that damn dress.

You look like|a giant peach cobbler.

You're making me hungry.

Come on, weathergirl,|I'll buy you a box of wine.

# For once in my life #

# I have someone|who needs me #

# Someone I needed|so long #

# For once, unafraid #

# I can go|where life leads me #

# Somehow I know|I'll be strong #

# For once, I can touch #

# What my heart|used to dream of #

# Long before I knew #

# Oh, someone warm|like you #

# Would make my dream|come true #

- # Yeah yeah yeah # |- # For once in our lives #

# For once in my life #

# I won't let sorrow|hurt me #

# Not like it's hurt me|before #

# Not like|it's hurt before #

# For once,|I have something #

# I know won't|desert me #

- # I'm not alone anymore # |- # I'm not alone #

# For once, I can say #

# "This is mine,|you can't take it" #

# As long as I know|I have love I can make it #

# For once in my life #

# I have someone|who needs me #

# Someone who needs me #

# Ah-hah-hah,|hey yeah! #

# Someone who needs me #

# All I need|is love, baby #

# For once in my life #

# Make our dreams|come true #

- # For once in my life # |- # For once in my life #

# I won't let|sorrow hurt me #

- # Not like it's hurt me before # |- # Not like it hurt before #

# For once, I have something #

# I know won't desert me #

- # I'm not alone anymore # |- # I'm not alone anymore #

# For once I can say #

# "This is mine,|you can't take it" #

# Long as I know|I have love I can make it #

# For once in my life #

# I have someone|who needs me #

- # Someone who needs me # |- # Oh #

# For once in my life #

- # Someone who needs me # |- # Yeah #

# Somebody that needs me #

- # Someone who needs me # |- # For once in my life. #

# You can cry|a million tears #

# You can wait|a million years #

# If you think that time|will change your ways #

# Don't wait too long #

# When your morning|turns to night #

# Who'll be loving you|by candlelight? #

# If you think that time|will change your ways #

# Don't wait too long #

# Maybe I've got a lot|to learn #

# Time can slip away #

# Sometimes you've got|to lose it all #

# Before you find|your way #

# Take a chance|and play your part #

# Make romance,|it might break your heart #

# But if you think time|will change your ways #

# Don't wait too long #

# Baby, you and I've got|a lot to learn #

# Don't want to waste|another day #

# Maybe you got|to lose it all #

# Before you find|your way #

# Take a chance,|play your part #

# Make romance,|it might break your heart #

# But if you think time|will change your ways #

# Don't wait too long #

# Don't wait #

# Yeah. #

Gettin' old.

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