Monty Python and the Holy Grail Page #10

PRINCE:

Herbert.

FATHER:

Herbert ... We built this castle on a bloody swamp, we need all

the land we can get.

PRINCE:

But I don't like her.

FATHER:

Don't like her? What's wrong with her? She's beautiful ...

she's rich ... she's got huge tracts of land ...

PRINCE:

I know ... but ... I want the girl that I marry to have ...

a certain ... special ... something ...

MUSIC INTO FOR song.

FATHER:

Cut that out!

Music cuts off abruptly.

You're marrying Princess Lucky, so you'd better get used to the idea!

Guards!

TWO GUARDS enter and stand to attention on either side of the door

One of them has hiccoughs and does so throughout.

FATHER:

Make sure the Prince doesn't leave this room until

I come and get him.

FIRST GUARD:

Not ... to leave the room ... even if you come and get him.

FATHER:

No. Until I come and get him.

SECOND GUARD:

Hic.

FIRST GUARD:

Until you come and get him, we're not to enter the room.

FATHER:

No ... You stay in the room and make sure he doesn't leave.

FIRST GUARD:

... and you'll come and get him.

SECOND GUARD:

Hic.

FATHER:

That's Right.

FIRST GUARD:

We don't need to do anything, apart from just stop him

entering the room.

FATHER:

Leaving the room.

FIRST GUARD:

Leaving the room ... yes.

FATHER:

Got it?

SECOND GUARD:

Hic.

FARTHER makes to leave.

FIRST GUARD:

Er ... if ... we ... er ...

FATHER:

Yes?

FIRST GUARD:

If we ... er ...

(trying to remember what he was going to say)

FATHER:

Look, it's simple. Just stay here and make sure he doesn't

leave the room.

SECOND GUARD:

Hic.

FATHER:

Right?

FIRST GUARD:

Oh, I remember ... can he ... er ... can he leave the room with us?

FATHER:

(carefully)

No .... keep him in here ... and make sure he doesn't ...

FIRST GUARD:

Oh, yes! we'll keep him in here, obviously. But if he had

to leave and we were with him.

FATHER:

No ... just keep him in here.

FIRST GUARD:

Until you, or anyone else ...

FATHER:

No, not anyone else - just me.

FIRST GUARD:

Just you ...

SECOND GUARD:

Hic.

FIRST GUARD:

Get back.

FATHER:

Right.

FIRST GUARD:

Okay. Fine. We'll remain here until you get back.

FATHER:

And make sure he doesn't leave.

FIRST GUARD:

What?

FATHER:

Make sure he doesn't leave.

FIRST GUARD:

The Prince ... ?

FATHER:

Yes ... make sure ...

FIRST GUARD:

Oh yes, of course! I thought you meant him!

(he points to the other GUARD and laughs to himself)

You know it seemed a bit daft me havin' to guard him when

he's a guard ...

FATHER:

Is that clear?

SECOND GUARD:

Hic.

FIRST GUARD:

Oh, yes. That's quite clear. No problems.

FATHER pulls open the door and makes to leave the room. The GUARDS follow.

FATHER:

(to the GUARDS)

Where are you going?

FIRST GUARD:

We're coming with you.

FATHER:

No, I want you to stay here and make sure he doesn't leave

the room until I get back.

FIRST GUARD:

Oh, I see, Right.

They take up positions on either side of the door.

PRINCE:

But, Father.

FATHER:

Shut your noise, you, and get that suit on!

He points to a wedding suit on a table or chair. FATHER throws one last

look at the BOY and turns, goes out and slams the door.

The PRINCE slumps onto window seat, looking forlornly out of the window.

MUSIC INTRO to song ...

The door flies open, the music cuts off and FATHER pokes his head in.

FATHER:

And no singing!

SECOND GUARD:

Hic.

FATHER:

(as he goes out.)

Go and have a drink of water.

FATHER slams the door again. The GUARDS take up their positions. The SON

gazes out of the window again ... sighs ... thinks ... a thought strikes him

... he gets up, crosses to his desk and scribbles a quick note and impales

it on an arrow ... takes a bow down from the wall ... and fires the arrow

out of the window.

He looks wetly defiant at the GUARDS, who smile pleasantly.

15 EXTERIOR - A FOREST - DAY

CUT TO the middle of the forest. SIR LAUNCELOT is riding along with

a trusty servant, CONCORDE.

LAUNCELOT:

And ... o v e r ... we go!

He strides over a big tree trunk ... his "horse" does run and jump ...

LAUNCELOT:

(enthusiastically)

Well taken, Concorde!

CONCORDE:

Thank you, sir, most kind ...

LAUNCELOT:

And another!

CONCORDE misses a beat.

Steady! Good ... and the last one ...

CONCORDE does the run-up with the coconuts. He does the break for the

leap ... there is a thwack. SIR LAUNCELOT is waiting for the horse

to land.

CONCORDE:

Message for you, sir.

He falls forward revealing the arrow with the note.

LAUNCELOT:

Concorde - speak to me.

He realises he might be in danger and so starts to crawl off ...

when he notices the note. He takes it out and reads it.

LAUNCELOT:

(reading)

"To whoever finds this note -

I have been imprisoned by my father who wishes me to marry

against my will. Please please please please come and rescue me.

I am in the tall tower of Swamp Castle."

SIR LAUNCELOT's eyes light up with holy inspiration.

LAUNCELOT:

At last! A call! A cry of distress ...

(he draws his sword, and turns to CONCORDE)

Concorde! Brave, Concorde ... you shall not have died in vain!

CONCORDE:

I'm not quite dead, sir ...

LAUNCELOT:

(a little deflated)

Oh, well ... er brave Concorde! You shall not have been fatally

wounded in vain!

CONCORDE:

I think I could pull through, sir.

LAUNCELOT:

Good Concorde ... stay here and rest awhile.

He makes to leap off dramatically.

CONCORDE:

I think I'll be all right to come with you, sir.

LAUNCELOT:

I will send help, brave friend, as soon as I have accomplished

this most daring, desperate adventure in this genre.

CONCORDE:

Really, I feel fine, sir.

LAUNCELOT:

Farewell, Concorde!

CONCORDE:

It just seems silly ... me lying here.

SIR LAUNCELOT plunges off into the forest.

20 EXTERIOR - CASTLE GATEWAY - DAY

Two hanging banners one each side of the gate with the monogram:

"H & L".

TWO SENTRIES with spears ... slightly weddingly ... red ribbons on their

right spears. We can hear from inside revelry and celebration music.

We hear LAUNCELOT's footsteps. The TWO SENTRIES are watching him. One of

them raises his hand.

FIRST SENTRY:

Halt, friend ...

LAUNCELOT leaps into SHOT with a mighty cry and runs the GUARD through and

hacks him to the floor. Blood. Swashbuckling music (perhaps).

LAUNCELOT races through into the castle screaming.

SECOND SENTRY:

Hey!

He looks down at his mutilated comrade.

21 EXTERIOR - DAY

CUT TO inside of the castle grounds or courtyard.

in the sunlight beautifully dressed WEDDING GUESTS are arriving.

Converging on a doorway. A country dance in progress.

SIR LAUNCELOT rushes towards them.

CUT TO HAND-HELD CLOSE-UPS as he charges through the crowd, hacking

right and left a la Errol Flynn at all who come in his way.

He fights his way through the country dance. Blood. Shrieks. Bemused

looks of GUESTS - not horror so much as uncomprehending surprise.

Possibly Errol Flynn music.

One COUNTRY DANCER is left holding just a hand.

Right and left the GUESTS crumple in pools of blood as he fights his

way through the door and into the main hall.

22 INTERIOR - DAY

CUT TO interior of main hall. Sound of busy preparations. MEN setting

up huge hogsheads of wine. MEN putting up last minute flower arrangements.

COOKS bearing huge trays of food, pies, suckling pigs, a swan, boar's

head, etc.

Rate this script:5.0 / 1 vote