Monty Python and the Holy Grail Page #11

The BRIDE being dressed by several ATTENDANTS. FATHER ordering SERVANTS

around - organizing the STEWARDS etc.

SIR LAUNCELOT bursts through the middle of them, slashing heroically,

hacking, wounding and killing. Again fairly CLOSE-UP chaotic SHOTS.

We see GUESTS stagger back wounded - a COOK bites the dust, etc.

SIR LAUNCELOT eventually reaches the staircase ... runs up it and

into a small door.

23 INTERIOR - DAY

CUT TO SIR LAUNCELOT running up spiral staircase. He reaches the door

of the PRINCE's room. he flings it open.

FIRST GUARD:

Ah! Now ... we're not allowed to ...

SIR LAUNCELOT runs him through, grabs his spear and stabs the other

guard who collapses in a heap. Hiccoughs quietly.

SIR LAUNCELOT runs to the window and kneels down in front of the PRINCE,

averting his head.

LAUNCELOT:

Oh, fair one, behold your humble servant, Sir Launcelot,

from the Court of Camelot. I have come to take you ...

(he looks up for the first time and his voice trails away)

away ... I'm terribly sorry ...

PRINCE:

You got my note!

LAUNCELOT:

Well ... yes ...

PRINCE:

You've come to rescue me?

LAUNCELOT:

Well ... yes ... but I hadn't realised ...

PRINCE:

(his eyes light up)

I knew that someone would come. I knew ... somewhere out there ...

there must be ...

MUSIC INTRO to song.

FATHER:

(suddenly looking in the door)

Stop that!

Music cuts out.

FATHER sees SIR LAUNCELOT still kneeling before his son.

FATHER:

Who are you?

PRINCE:

I'm ... your son ...

FATHER:

Not you.

LAUNCELOT:

(half standing self-consciously)

I'm ... er ... Sir Launcelot, sir.

PRINCE:

He's come to rescue me, father.

LAUNCELOT:

(embarrassed)

Well, let's not jump to conclusions ...

FATHER:

Did you kill all those guards?

LAUNCELOT:

Yes ... I'm very sorry ...

FATHER:

They cost fifty pounds each!

LAUNCELOT:

Well, I'm really am most awfully sorry but I ...

I can explain everything ...

PRINCE:

Don't be afraid of him, Sir Launcelot. I've got a rope here all

ready ...

He throws a rope out of the window which is tied to a pillar in the room

He looks rather pleased with himself that he has got it all ready.

FATHER:

You killed eight wedding guests in all!

LAUNCELOT:

Er, Well ... the thing is ... I thought your son was a lady.

FATHER:

I can understand that.

PRINCE:

(half out of the window)

Hurry, brave Sir Launcelot!

FATHER:

(to his SON)

Shut up!

(to LAUNCELOT)

You only killed the bride's father - that's all -

LAUNCELOT:

Oh dear, I didn't really mean to...

FATHER:

Didn't mean to? You put your sword right through his head!

LAUNCELOT:

Gosh - Is he all right?

FATHER:

You even kicked the bride in the chest! It's going to cost

me a fortune!

LAUNCELOT:

I can explain ... I was in the forest ... riding north

from Camelot ... when I got this note.

FATHER:

Camelot? Are you from Camelot?

The PRINCE's head peeps over the windowsill.

PRINCE:

Hurry!

LAUNCELOT:

I am, sir. I am a Knight of King Arthur.

FATHER:

'Mm ... very nice castle, Camelot ... very good pig country....

LAUNCELOT:

Is it?

PRINCE (out of vision)

I am ready, Sir Launcelot.

FATHER:

Do you want to come and have a drink?

LAUNCELOT:

Oh ... that's awfully nice.

PRINCE (OOV)

(loud and shrill)

I am ready!

As they walk past the rope, the FATHER nonchalantly cuts with his knife.

there is no sound except after a pause a slight squeal from very far away

as the PRINCE makes contact with the ground.

LAUNCELOT:

It's just that when I'm in this genre, I tend to get over-excited

and start to leap around and wave my sword about ... and ...

FATHER:

Oh, don't worry about that ... Tell me ... doesn't Camelot own

that stretch of farmland up by the mountains?

He puts his arm round LAUNCELOT's shoulders as they go though the door.

24 INTERIOR - DAY

CUT TO the great hall. GUESTS wounded and bloody, are tending to the dead

and injured, sighs and groans, the PRINCESS in her white wedding dress is

holding her chest and coughing blood.

People dabbing the stains off her dress.

FATHER and SIR LAUNCELOT start to walk down the grand staircase. Talking

to each other.

One of the GUESTS notices and points to SIR LAUNCELOT.

GUEST:

There he is!

As one man all remaining able-bodied MEN look up and make for the staircase,

muttering angrily. SIR LAUNCELOT grabs his sword.

FATHER:

Hold it!

But it is too lake. SIR LAUNCELOT cannot be stopped. With fearless abandon

he throws himself into the CROWD and starts hacking and slashing. He has

carved quite a number up before the FATHER can stop him and pulls him back

onto the stairs. Renewed groans and cries.

FATHER:

(shouting above noise)

Hold it! Please!

LAUNCELOT:

Sorry! Sorry ...

(with bitter self reproach)

There you See ... I just got excited again and I got carried away ...

I'm ever so sorry.

(to the CROWD)

Sorry.

CROWD kneeling round their wounded again. Moans etc.

GUEST:

He's killed the best man!

SECOND GUEST:

(holding a limp WOMAN)

He's killed my auntie.

FATHER:

No, please! This is supposed to be a happy occasion!

Let's not bicker and argue about who killed who ... We

are here today to witness the union of two young people in

the joyful bond of the holy wedlock. Unfortunately, one

of them, my son Herbert, has just fallen to his death.

Murmurs from CROWD; the BRIDE smiles with relief, coughs.

But I don't want to think I've not lost a son ...

so much as gained a daughter ...

Smattering of applause.

For, since the tragic death of her father ...

SHOUT FROM BACK:

He's not quite dead!

FATHER:

Since the fatal wounding of her father ...

SHOUT FROM BACK:

I think He's getting better!

FATHER nods discreetly to a SOLDIER standing to one side. The SOLDIER

slips off. FATHER's eyes watch him move round to where the voice

came from.

FATHER:

For ... since her own father ... who ... when he seemed about to

recover ... suddenly felt the icy ... hand of death upon him.

A scuffle at the back.

SHOUT FROM BACK:

Oh, he's died!

FATHER:

I want his only daughter, from now onwards, to think of me as her

old dad ... in a very real and legally binding sense.

Applause.

And I'm sure sure ... that the merger ... er ... the union

between the Princess and the brave but dangerous Sir Launcelot

of Camelot ...

LAUNCELOT:

What?

Gasp from the CROWD.

CROWD:

The dead Prince!

There is CONCORDE holding "THE DEAD PRINCE" in his arms.

CONCORDE:

He's not quite dead!

PRINCE:

I feel much better.

FATHER:

You fell out of the Tall Tower you creep!

PRINCE:

I was saved at the last minute.

FATHER:

How?

PRINCE:

Well ... I'll tell you ...

MUSIC INTRO to song. CONCORDE stands the SON on his feet and adopts cod

"and now a number from my friend" pose.

FATHER:

Not like that!

But the music doesn't stop and the CROWD starts to sing.

CROWD:

He's going to tell.

FATHER:

Shut up!

CROWD:

He's going to tell ...

FATHER:

(screaming)

Shut UP!

As the song starts the FATHER tries yelling at them and eventually gives

up. SIR LAUNCELOT joins CONCORDE in the CROWD.

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