Monty Python and the Holy Grail Page #15

Shots of ARTHUR etc. Riding out of the forest. They leave the forest and

they meet LAUNCELOT and GALAHAD.

VOICE OVER:

And so Arthur and Bedevere and Sir Robin set out on their search to

find the Enchanter of whom the old man had spoken in scene twenty-four.

Beyond the forest they met Launcelot and Galahad, and there was much

rejoicing.

29 EXTERIOR - ANOTHER LANDSCAPE - DAY - ANIMATION

VOICE OVER:

In the frozen land of Nador, they were forced to eat Robin's

minstrels ... And there was much rejoicing ... A year passed ...

MONTAGE of shots of the KNIGHTS.

Autumn changed into Winter ... Winter changed into Spring ... Spring

changed back into Autumn and Autumn gave Winter and Spring a miss and

went straight on into Summer ... Until one day ...

30 EXTERIOR - WASTES - DAY

The KNIGHTS are riding along the top of a ridge. The country is wild and

inhospitable. Suddenly some of them see fire in the distance and ride

towards it. As they approach they see an impressive WIZARD figure striding

around conjuring up fire from the ground and causing various bushes and

branches to burst into flame.

ARTHUR:

What manner of man are you that can conjure up fire without flint

or tinder?

TIM:

I am an enchanter.

ARTHUR looks at BEDEVERE.

ARTHUR:

By what name are you known?

TIM:

There are some who call me Tim?

ARTHUR:

Greetings Tim the Enchanter!

TIM:

Greetings King Arthur.

ARTHUR:

You know my name?

TIM:

I do.

(does another fire trick)

You seek the Holy Grail.

ARTHUR:

That is our quest. You know much that is hidden O Tim.

TIM:

(does another fire trick)

Quite.

Ripple of applause from the KNIGHTS.

ARTHUR:

Yes we seek the Holy Grail.

(clears throat very quietly)

Our quest is to find the Holy Grail.

ONE OR TWO KNIGHTS

Yes it is.

ARTHUR:

And so we're looking for it.

KNIGHTS:

Yes, we are.

BEDEVERE:

We have been for some time.

KNIGHTS:

Yes.

ROBIN:

Months.

ARTHUR:

Yes ... and obviously any help we get is ... is very ... helpful.

GALAHAD:

Do you know where it ...

TIM does another fire trick.

ALL OTHER KNIGHTS

Sssssh!

ARTHUR:

Fine ... well er ... we mustn't take up anymore of your time ...

I don't suppose ... sorry to sort of keep on about it ... you

haven't by any chance ... aaah ... any idea where one might

find ... a ... aaa ...

TIM:

What?

ARTHUR:

A G...g...g...

TIM:

A Grail?

They all jump slightly and look about apprehensively.

ARTHUR:

Er ... yes ... I think so.

ALL OTHER KNIGHTS

Yes.

TIM:

Yes.

KNIGHTS:

Fine.

ROBIN:

Splendid!

OTHERS:

Yes, marvellous.

TIM looks thoughtful and they all stand around a little. Then TIM produces

another fire trick producing several different colours.

ARTHUR:

Look, you're a busy man ...

TIM:

Yes, I can help you with your guest.

Slight pause.

ALL OTHER KNIGHTS

Thank you. Yes, thank you very much.

TIM:

To the north there lies a cave, the cave of Caerbannog,

wherein, carved in mystic runes, upon the very living rock,

the last words of Olfin Bedwere of Rheged ...

There is a thunderclap and a wind starts. They KNIGHTS get nervous.

TIM:

... make plain the last resting place of the most Holy Grail.

ARTHUR:

How shall we find this cave, O Tim?

TIM:

Follow!

The KNIGHTS register delight and wheel round on themselves.

But follow only if you are men of valour. For the entrance

to this cave is guarded by a monster, a creature so foul

and cruel that no man yet has fought with it and lived.

Bones of full fifty men lie strewn about its lair ...

therefore sweet knights if you may doubt your strength or courage

come no further, for death awaits you all with nasty pointy teeth.

ARTHUR:

What an eccentric performance!

31 EXTERIOR - DAY

CUT TO impressive rock face with caves in it. The KNIGHTS are 'riding'

towards it. A foreboding atmosphere supervenes. TIM gives a signal for

quietness. ARTHUR shushes the 'horses'.

ARTHUR:

Shhh!

The PAGES decrease the amount of noise they are making with the coconuts

for a few seconds. Then there is a burst of noise from them including

whinnying.

BEDEVERE:

(to ARTHUR)

They're nervous, sire.

ARTHUR:

Then we'd best leave them here and carry on on foot.

TIM takes a strange look at them. They walk on leaving the PAGES behind.

After a few more strides TIM halts them with a sign.

TIM:

Behold the Cave of Caerbannog!

CUT TO shot of cave. Bones littered around. The KNIGHTS get the wind

up partially. A little dry ice, glowing green can be seen at the

entrance. Suddenly we become aware of total silence. Any noises the

KNIGHTS make sound very exaggerated. They unsheathe their swords.

ARTHUR:

Keep me covered.

Stir among KNIGHTS.

BEDEVERE:

What with?

ARTHUR:

Just keep me covered.

TIM:

Too late.

ARTHUR:

What?

TIM:

There he is!

They all turn,, and see a large white RABBIT lollop a few yards out of the

cave. Accompanied by terrifying chord and jarring metallic monster noise.

ARTHUR:

Where?

TIM:

There.

ARTHUR:

Behind the rabbit?

TIM:

It is the rabbit.

ARTHUR:

... You silly sod.

TIM:

What?

ARTHUR:

You got us all worked up.

BEDEVERE:

You cretin!

TIM:

That is not an ordinary rabbit ... 'tis the most foul cruel

and bad-tempered thing you ever set eyes on.

ROBIN:

You tit. I soiled my armour I was so scared!

TIM:

That rabbit's got a vicious streak. It's a killer!

GALAHAD:

Oh, f*** off.

Get stuffed.

TIM:

He'll do you up a treat mate!

GALAHAD:

Oh yeah?

ROBIN:

You turd!

Mangy scots git!

TIM:

Look. I'm warning you.

ROBIN:

What's he do? Nibble your bum?

TIM:

Well, It's got huge ... very sharp ... it can jump a...

look at the bones.

ARTHUR:

Go on, Bors, chop its head off.

BORS:

Right. Silly little bleeder. One rabbit stew coming up.

TIM:

Look!

As TIM points they all spin round to see the RABBIT leap at BORS'

throat with an appalling scream. From a distance of about twenty feet

there is a tin opening noise, a cry from BORS. A quick CLOSE-UP

of a savage RABBIT biting through tin and BORS' head flies off. The

RABBIT leaps back to the mouth of the cave and sits there looking

in the KNIGHTS' direction and growling menacingly.

ARTHUR:

Je...sus Christ!

TIM:

I warned you!

ROBIN:

I done it again.

TIM:

Did I tell you? Did you listen to me? Oh no, no, you knew better

didn't you? No, it's just an ordinary rabbit isn't it. The names you

called me. Well, don't say I didn't tell you.

ARTHUR:

Oh, shut up.

TIM:

(quietly)

It's always the same ... if I've said it once.

ARTHUR:

Charge!

They all charge with swords drawn towards the RABBIT. A tremendous twenty

second fight with Peckinpahish shots and borrowing heavily also on the

Kung Fu and karate-type films ensues, in which some four KNIGHTS are

comprehensively killed.

Run away! Run away!

ALL KNIGHTS:

(taking up cry)

Run away! Run away!

They run down from the cave and hide, regrouping behind some rocks. TIM,

some way away, is pointing at them and laughing derisively.

TIM:

Ha ha ha. Ha ha ha.

ARTHUR:

Who did we lose?

LAUNCELOT:

Sir Gawain.

GALAHAD:

Ector.

ARTHUR:

And Bors. Five.

GALAHAD:

Three, sir!

ARTHUR:

Three. Well, we'll not risk another frontal

assault. That rabbit's dynamite.

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