Monty Python and the Holy Grail Page #17

ROBIN:

(to himself)

Oh, great!

BEDEVERE:

The Bridge is guarded by a bridgekeeper, who asks each traveller

three questions. And he who answers the three questions can

cross in safety.

ROBIN:

(warily)

And if you get a question wrong?

BEDEVERE:

You are cast into the Gorge of Eternal Peril.

34 EXTERIOR - DAY

CUT TO them struggling along. Perhaps downhill now. It is growing misty.

SIR LAUNCELOT stops them and points. They peer.

CUT TO see in the mist ... a weird bridge with mist swirling up from the

gorge below. We cannot see the other side.

Beside the bridge an OLD MAN stands, he is the blind soothsayer they

met earlier in the forest.

ARTHUR:

(to BEDEVERE)

He's the Keeper of the Bridge. It's the old man.

BEDEVERE:

(swallowing hard)

Who's going to answer the questions?

ARTHUR:

You go, Robin, and God be with you.

ROBIN:

(looking round wildly)

Er ... I tell you what -

(lowering voice)

Why doesn't Launcelot go?

ARTHUR:

(considering a moment)

Very well ... Sir Launcelot. Brave Sir Launcelot. This is the Bridge

of Death ...

LAUNCELOT:

Oh, yes sir ... I will take it single-handed.

(drawing his sword)

I will ...

ARTHUR restrains him.

ARTHUR:

No, hang on. All we want is for you to approach the old man

and he will ask you three questions. Answer those question as

best you can, and we will watch ... and pray.

LAUNCELOT:

Yes, my liege ...

ARTHUR:

Good luck, brave Sir Launcelot! Be careful ...

They shake hands, Arthur's eyes moisten. LAUNCELOT approaches the

Bridge of Death.

ARTHUR:

Listen to the questions.

BEDEVERE:

Look! It's the old man from scene 24 - what's he Doing here?

ARTHUR:

He is the keeper of the Bridge. He asks each traveler five questions ...

GALAHAD:

Three questions.

ARTHUR:

Three questions ... he who answers the five questions

GALAHAD:

Three questions.

ARTHUR:

Three questions, may cross in safety.

ROBIN:

(warily)

And if you get a question wrong?

ARTHUR:

You are cast into the Gorge of Eternal Peril.

ROBIN:

Oh ... wacho!

GALAHAD:

Who's going to answer the questions?

ARTHUR:

Sir Robin, Brave Sir Robin you go.

ROBIN:

Hey! I've got a great idea!

Why doesn't Launcelot go?

LAUNCELOT:

Yes. Let me. I will take it single-handed ...

I will make feint to the north-east ...

ARTHUR:

No, hang on! Just answer the five questions ...

GALAHAD:

Three questions ...

ARTHUR:

Three questions ... And we shall watch ... and pray.

LAUNCELOT:

I understand, my liege.

ARTHUR:

Good luck, brave Sir Launcelot ... God be with you.

LAUNCELOT APPROACHES THE BRIDGEKEEPER.

BRIDGEKEEPER:

Stop!

SIR LAUNCELOT stops. The KNIGHTS watch anxiously. ARTHUR sniffs briefly

and glances momentarily down at SIR ROBIN's lower armour.

BRIDGEKEEPER:

Who approaches the Bridge of Death

Must answer me

These questions three!

Ere the other side he see.

LAUNCELOT:

Ask me the questions, Bridgekeeper. I am not afraid.

BRIDGEKEEPER:

What is your name?

LAUNCELOT:

My name is Sir Launcelot.

BRIDGEKEEPER:

What is your quest?

LAUNCELOT:

To find the Holy Grail.

BRIDGEKEEPER:

What is your favorite colour?

LAUNCELOT:

Blue.

BRIDGEKEEPER:

Right. Off you go.

SIR LAUNCELOT runs across into the mist. The bridge perhaps disappears

into the mist and we cannot see the other side. ARTHUR and SIR ROBIN

exchange glances. ROBIN breathes a great sigh of relief.

ROBIN:

That's easy!

BRIDGEKEEPER:

Stop!

Who approacheth the Bridge of Death

Must answer me

These questions three!

Ere the other side he see!

ROBIN:

Ask me the questions, Bridgekeeper. I am not afraid.

BRIDGEKEEPER:

What is your name?

ROBIN:

My name is Sir Robin of Camelot!

BRIDGEKEEPER:

What is your quest?

ROBIN:

To seek the Grail!

BRIDGEKEEPER:

What is the capital of Assyria?

ROBIN:

(indignantly)

I don't know that!

He is immediately hurled by some unseen force over the edge of the

precipice.

ROBIN:

Aaaaarrrrrrggghhh!

35 EXTERIOR - DAY

CUT TO SIR LAUNCELOT who is only just arriving on the other side. He looks

back across the invisible chasm. Dimly in the distance he hears:

GAWAIN (OUT OF VISION)

Sir Gawain of Camelot!

BRIDGEKEEPER (OOV)

What is your quest?

GAWAIN (OOV)

To seek the Holy Grail.

BRIDGEKEEPER (OOV)

What goes:
black white ... black white ... black white?

GAWAIN (OOV)

Oh, er ... Babylon! er ... Aaaaarrrrrrggghhh!

SIR LAUNCELOT stands on the other side of the bridge. In the

distance we hear the ritual of questions and then a scream and thud,

suddenly a hand lands on LAUNCELOT's shoulder.

POLICEMAN (VOICE OVER)

Just want to ask you some questions, sir.

LAUNCELOT turns and reacts. He is led away.

36 EXTERIOR - LAKE - DAY

CUT TO ARTHUR, GALAHAD and BEDEVERE struggling towards the lake.

BEDEVERE:

(to ARTHUR)

How did you know how many wing-beats a swallow needs to

maintain velocity?

ARTHUR:

Oh ... when you're king you know all those things.

BRIDGEKEEPER:

What is your favorite colour?

GAWAIN:

Blue ... No yelloooooww!

ARTHUR and BEDEVERE step forward.

BRIDGEKEEPER:

What is your name?

ARTHUR:

It is Arthur, King of the Britons.

BRIDGEKEEPER:

What is your quest?

ARTHUR:

To seek the Holy Grail.

BRIDGEKEEPER:

What is the air-speed velocity of an unladen swallow?

ARTHUR:

What do you mean? An African or European swallow?

BRIDGEKEEPER:

Er ... I don't know that ... Aaaaarrrrrrggghhh!

BRIDGEKEEPER is cast into the gorge.

BEDEVERE:

How do you know so much about swollows?

ARTHUR:

Well you have to know these things when you're a king, you know.

Suddenly they appear at water's edge. They look across the water. A huge

expanse disappearing into the mist. How can they cross?

Suddenly the air is filled with ethereal music, and out of the mist

appears a wonderful barge silently and slowly drifting towards them.

They gaze in wonder. The mysterious boat comes to where they are standing.

As if bewitched, they find themselves drawing closer

to the boat. As they are about to step in, a ragged figure looks

up at them.

BOATKEEPER:

(he is the same as the BRIDGEKEEPER and the SOOTHSAYER)

He who would cross the Sea if Fate

must answer me

these questions twenty-eight.

He fixes them with a baleful eye, ARTHUR and BEDEVERE exchange glances,

then turn, with minds made up, pick him up bodily and throw him in the

water. They climb into the boat and the boat moves off into the mist

FADE OUT:

37 ANIMATION

A wondrous journey in animation carries them across the lake.

MIX TO:

38 EXTERIOR - DAY

The boat carries them across a magical lake. They land and get out of

the boat, their faces suffused with heavenly radiance, and fall to their

knees.

Crescendo on music.

ARTHUR:

God be praised! The deaths of many find knights have this day

been avenged.

Music swells. They bend their heads in prayer, before the castle for

which they have searched for so long. Suddenly a voice comes from

the battlements.

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