Mr. & Mrs. Smith Page #4

OK. I give up.

Blow it.

- What?

- Go on, blow it.

- You think I won't?

- I think you won't.

OK.

Five, four...

- Any last words?

- The new curtains are hideous.

Goodbye, John.

- What the hell was that?

- What? You said goodbye.

The gas! Cut off the gas!

Jane?

Madame.

Thought of a number of lines

for this moment.

"Thought I'd just drop in. "

"Hey, doll, thanks for giving me the shaft. "

Nice. So what did you decide?

I want a divorce.

I like it. You proposed to me here,

so it has agreeable symmetry.

Coat, sir?

- May I sit?

- No.

- Champagne?

- No, champagne's for celebrating.

- I'll have a martini.

- I'm fine, thank you.

So what do you want, John?

We have an unusual problem, Jane.

You obviously want me dead. And I'm

less and less concerned of your wellbeing.

So what do we do?

Do we shoot it out here? Hope for the best?

Well, that would be a shame, because they'd

probably ask me to leave once you're dead.

Dance with me.

- You don't dance.

- That was just part of my cover, sweetheart.

Was sloth part of it too?

Think this'll have a happy ending?

Happy endings are just

stories that haven't finished yet.

Satisfied?

Not for years.

It's all John, sweetheart.

Why is it you think we failed?

Cos we were leading separate lives?

Or was it all the lying that did us in?

I have a theory. Newly formed.

- I'm breathless to hear it.

- You killed us.

Provocative.

You approached our marriage like a job,

to be reckoned, planned and executed.

And you avoided it.

What do you care, if I was just a cover?

Well, who said you were just a cover?

- Wasn't I?

- Wasn't I?

I have to... Excuse me.

No exits up there, Jane.

Be cold, John. She's a liar.

Be super cold.

Come on, madam, this way.

Do you know that you're ticking?

Get back!

Limo, sir?

Jane Smith.

- That's the second time you tried to kill me.

- It was just a little bomb.

I'm going home to burn

everything I ever bought you.

I'll race you there, baby.

You there yet?

First time we met,

what was your first thought?

You tell me.

I thought...

I thought you looked like Christmas morning.

I don't know how else to say it.

And why are you telling me this now?

Guess in the end

you start thinking about the beginning.

So there it is.

I thought you should know.

So how about it, Jane? Hm?

I thought...

I thought that you were

the most beautiful mark I'd ever seen.

- So it was all business, yeah?

- All business.

- From the go.

- Cold, hard math.

Thank you.

That's what I needed to know.

OK.

Hey, John.

Hey, Bill.

- Are you all right?

- Yeah.

OK.

Uh, by the way, John, your car

is hanging out over the sidewalk here.

- Yeah, thanks, Bill.

- OK. Have a good night.

Good night.

Sh*t.

Sh*t.

You still alive, baby?

Your aim's as bad as your cooking,

sweetheart.

And that's saying something.

Come on, honey.

Come to Daddy.

Who's your daddy now?

Can't do it.

Don't! Come on.

Come on!

You want it?

It's yours.

Hi, stranger.

Hiya back.

- Yeah?

- Everything OK? We heard an awful ruckus.

- No, everything's fine here. Yeah, it's great.

- So you guys are fine?

Yeah, couldn't be better.

Nice. You guys are...

- Suzy, Martin.

- Have a nice night.

Looks like you're redecorating, it's very...

Yeah. Shame about the red oak...

Five more minutes, Mom...

Tempting. But I don't get out of bed

for less than half a million dollars.

- That left of yours... A thing of beauty.

- You take it well.

Thank you.

That vacation in Aspen?

You left early. Why?

- Jean-Luc Gaspard.

- Oh, God!

- Yeah.

- I wanted him.

Forget it.

You didn't hear me that night the chopper

dropped me off for our anniversary dinner.

- No.

- No?

Percussion grenades.

I was partially deaf that night.

I'm slightly color blind.

- Retinal scarring.

- I can't feel anything in these three fingers.

Three ribs. Broken eye socket.

Perforated eardrum.

You ever have trouble sleeping after?

- Nope.

- Yeah, me neither.

Go, go, go.

Look out.

Move it.

Shoes.

I was given 48 hours to take you out.

Same.

Jesus, where's the trust?

What do you expect?

Why do I get the girl gun?

- Are you kidding me?

- No.

We need a car.

Colemans.

Guy's had my barbecue set for months.

- I was never in the Peace Corps.

- What?

I really liked that about you.

Maybe this honesty thing

isn't such a good idea.

- I didn't go to MIT.

- Really?

Notre Dame. Art History major.

- Art?

- History.

- It's reputable.

- OK.

F***ers get younger every year.

I have to tell you,

I never really liked your cooking.

It's not your gift.

Baby, I've never cooked a day in my life.

L- Temp girls cooked.

Web of lies!

I don't know how you do it

Making love

Out of nothing at all

Making love...

I like it. Deal with it.

- We got company.

- What?

Sh*t.

- Baby, hold steady now!

- It's called evasive driving, sweetheart.

Hold still.

This thing's all over the place.

How do you drive these things?

Honey!

- Honey, let me drive.

- I got it.

Move over. Move.

I'm the suburban housewife, sweetheart.

- You move.

- Fine. Go.

- Go.

- Go.

They're bulletproof.

They're bulletproof!

I think I should probably tell you.

I was married once before.

- What is wrong with you?

- You're what's wrong with me.

- It was a drunken Vegas thing.

- That's better. That's much better. Great.

Stop it.

Go, go, go!

- Her name and social security number?

- No, you're not gonna kill her.

These doors are handy.

You know, sweetheart,

you're being a bit hypocritical.

It's not like you're some beacon of truth.

John, my parents...

They died when I was five.

I'm an orphan.

Who was that kindly fellow

who gave you away at our wedding?

Paid actor.

I said I saw your dad on Fantasy Island.

I know.

I don't even want to talk about it.

- You got it?

- Got it.

- Any time.

- I got it.

We're gonna have to redo

every conversation we've ever had.

I'm Jewish.

Can't believe I brought

my real parents to our wedding.

Disgusting.

How could you serve this?

Ma'am, is it possible to get this reheated?

Miss? Miss, I'm talking to you. Excuse me?

Jesus, Johnny.

- Good morning, Eddie.

- Morning.

It's good to see you're OK.

Tell me you got smart

and that you killed that lying b*tch.

This lying b*tch?

Guess it was just wishful thinking.

- I'm sorry.

- Eddie.

- Nice to see you, Jane.

- Eddie. Eddie! Focus. We got problems.

Problems? Crack addicts got problems,

my friend. You two are smoked.

- Maybe.

- Maybe?

You got the entire agency gunning for you.

Probably her agency, too.

- And what about you? Where you at?

- Me? Where am I at?

I find myself dragging my feet this morning.

I think you owe me a little money, anyway.

- So what do...

- We don't understand each other.

But I don't need those looks, OK?

I been in his life a long time.

- Focus, Eddie, focus.

- A long time.

I'm pissed off. They blew up my house,

they shot at my wife. My own company.

If she works for

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