Mr. Deeds Page #6

- Come on, we'll catch you.

Go away! I can't leave without my kitties.

They're all I got.

Crazy lady!

- Oh, babies, where are you?

- Up there now, get going!

Longfellow Deeds, Mandrake Falls

volunteer fire chief. I'll be up there in a jiff.

- He's crazy!

- He's going up there right now, though.

- Look at him.

- Where's he going?

Watch it, man!

- Sully, who's that guy up there?

- I don't know.

He says he's from

the Mandrake Falls Fire Department.

- How's he climb like that?

- He must have monkey blood in him.

It's an honour to work

with New York's bravest, guys.

Be careful!

- I'll get you.

- Babies, where are you?

- Ma'am!

- Lord, it's hot in here.

- Kitties, come to Mommy.

- Calm down. Everything will be all right.

Okay, but I'm not leaving without my kitties.

- How many do you got?

- Seven.

Holy sh*t! Let's get cracking.

- I apologize for the language.

- Apology accepted.

- Fire excites me.

- Knock yourself out.

- Come here.

- That's Freddy.

- Here we go!

- Oh, my children!

- Nice catch, Pam!

- Good throw, Deeds!

- That's Frobo. Thank you, darling.

- Coming at you, boys.

I'll take that.

- There's a lot more.

- Okay, okay.

Holy sh*t, it's a cat!

Full snap. I got you, kitty.

Nice grab!

One more to go.

Fifi, where are you?

- I think I found Fifi.

- Oh, good!

Hang in there, buddy!

I got it!

Okay, let's do this together.

Be careful!

All right, they do it all the time. Here we go.

Oh, sh*t!

Deeds.

I'm okay.

Are you okay?

Yes, I am. Thanks to you!

You're hurting me!

Longfellow Deeds is at it again.

His latest victim, Coretta Keeling...

... whose only crime

was loving her cats too much.

And letting Deeds find out about it.

- I'll get you!

- Go away!

- I love it.

- Here comes two!

- Cat killer!

- After he finished with her cats...

... he turned his sights

on Miss Keeling herself.

My God!

That's not what I shot.

Has Longfellow Deeds been locked up?

Of course not.

While the rest of us obey the law,

rich playboys like himself get to laugh at it.

Longfellow Deeds. Our jackass of the week.

What the hell? Who edited that?

I did. Your first cut was great,

but I needed to spice it up a bit.

The truth was a great story.

He saved that woman and her seven cats.

- He was heroic!

- Heroic is nice.

- Depraved and insane is better.

- Hell, yeah!

This footage you're getting, gorgeous.

Keep it coming!

God, how can we do this

to such a sweet guy?

Sweet? Sweet?

Look at me!

Was he sweet when he gave me

the most savage beating of my life?

- You were mugging me!

- Babe!

No one is as good

as this guy's pretending to be.

Don't be a sucker.

He doesn't deserve this.

He doesn't deserve you.

My neck!

I feel like an idiot.

They made me look like a fool, Jan.

I was thinking of going down

to that Inside Access place...

... and giving Mac McGrath

the beating of a lifetime.

That sounds like fun,

but don't stoop to their level.

You're better than that, Deedsy.

So hang in there.

And know that we are always here for you.

Thanks, Jan.

My uncle really built an amazing company.

Because of him, 50,000 people have jobs.

And he always tried to do the right thing.

Well, he does sound amazing.

But don't forget, he was related to you.

Enough about that.

Tell me more about this girl.

She's nice, a small-town kid, like me.

Deedsy, you sick ass mo' fo'...

You got to tap that

before she starts boning other guys, kid.

Boo-Yah!

He thinks it's you! He thinks it's you!

- Let's go, Cedar. Put some steam on it, kid.

- Here it comes.

He's trying to kill me. You're good at this.

When you asked me to play,

I thought you'd done this before.

No, Johnny McEnroe said

it was wicked easy.

Plus, it was my uncle's

favourite game, right?

- How'd you know that?

- I read it in his diary.

Really?

I didn't know he kept a diary.

Sorry about that, dude.

It's okay. He's a new member.

Ball boy.

Ball boy!

All right, baby, I'm ready for you.

You okay?

- Not a problem.

- Anderson, you liked that, didn't you?

I did.

Listen, Deeds, I got some good news.

Those papers will be ready

to sign tomorrow.

So you can relax knowing

your uncle's company'll be in good hands...

...and you can go home $40 billion richer.

I was thinking about

maybe sticking around here...

...and going to some meetings with you.

- What?

Fault!

I figured I could learn, like this tennis thing.

I swear to God, I'm not trying to do that.

I don't got to sell my shares right away,

do I?

Plus, I met this girl, Cedar.

I swear to God, I think she's the one.

That's wonderful for you.

That got you right in the throat, huh?

Got to ask you, though, if it hits you,

is it my point or yours?

- Yours.

- I'm winning then, I guess.

"Deeds info, meet in shower"?

Sweet Jesus!

Who are you?

And what do you want to tell me?

I'm a junior producer at Inside Access.

I have information that will help you

get Deeds out of town. Interested?

Very. Provided the information is good

and you stop soaping your ass.

- You know Deeds' girlfriend?

- The school nurse.

Not quite.

Lucy, bring me the overnights.

J.D. Will tell you where they are.

Hey. What the hell are you doing

in my chair?

Chuck Cedar.

I think you and I could help each other out.

- You excited about this trip?

- I'm so excited.

- Where are you taking me?

- I told you, that's a surprise.

Well?

"Winchestertonfieldville, lowa."

You got to be shitting me.

I never heard you curse before.

I'm that excited!

All you Winchestertonfieldvillians,

recognize this little girl?

I'll give you a hint.

"I fell out of Boo Radley's apple tree...

"...and my arm is killing me!"

Come on, it's little Pammy Dawson!

Hello.

You related to Bill Dawson?

Yes, he's my relative.

I think I remember you.

Did you used to have a hump on your back?

- Yes, that was me. I had a slight hump.

- Really?

This was no slight hump.

The girl I'm thinking of looked like

she had a damn beach ball on her back.

Okay, it was a huge hump

and I'm a little sensitive about it.

Look, Martha,

it's Quasimodo, all growed up.

How wonderful! I thought you died.

She actually became a school nurse.

- You're a nurse?

- Yes.

What should I do about this?

- I would call Dr. Pepper.

- Who?

It was so great seeing everybody again.

We're going to leave now.

'Bye.

- Hi, mailman.

- 'Morning.

How you doing?

Oh, my God, there it is.

Blue shutters, red door, tire swing.

That's your house, isn't it?

Wouldn't you know it?

Come on.

How you guys doing?

You know who she is?

She used to live in this house

when she was a little girl.

It's true.

You live here and she used to live here.

You're practically cousins.

So many memories.

Where to begin?

This is our fireplace...

...where my dad would build fires...

...out of wood.

And this is the dining room,

where we would have our meals...

...made of food.

And this was my brother's room.

My parents hated my brother.

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