Mr. Hobbs Takes a Vacation Page #2

Oh, she is? Well, she didn't | hurt herself, did she?

As Mr. Hobbs counted up his tribe...

his spirits began to rise | in eager anticipation...

of that happy reunion by the sea.

Doesn't this remind you | of Finland, Brenda?

- Worse. | - Oh, just you wait.

You're going to love it.

Aren't you beginning | to get excited too, Rog?

- Yeah, I think it's gonna be all right. | - You know what we've got to do?

- What? | - This month, while we're all together-

the whole family really living | and playing together-

we've got to teach our children | what a family really is...

that the members of a family aren't | separate people like passengers on a bus...

but a single unit- | one for all and all for one.

- Don't you think? | - You bet.

And if we can do that, it wouldn't | surprise me one bit if this trip...

brought us all closer together | than we ever dreamed we could be.

You little beast!

- Then keep your big foot off my television set! | - It isn't on your TV!

- You're scratching- | - Mother, have you no control over this child?

- Danny, cut it out! | - All right, break!

You know, I've been reading | in a woman's magazine someplace-

I don't know.

We got one consolation.

In the whole history of the world, | there's never been a child brought up right.

Oh, now, really, Mother.

Now, wait a minute, kid.

- I knew it'd be weird, but not this weird. | - Take it easy now.

Let Mother speak first.

Did you ever see anything | so enchanting in all your life?

- I don't see any aerial. | - I think people go crazy in a place like this.

I'm not gonna stay here. | That's all there is to it.

You're not only going to stay, you're going | to help get some of this stuff into the house.

Now, everybody grab something, | and let's get some organization into this deal.

If- If this house was good enough | for Edgar Allan Poe...

it's good enough for us.

I'm sure it's better inside.

- Can we get an aerial tonight, Dad? | - No!

Maybe I can make one.

Everybody stand back | in case of bats.

Where's the switch? The switch?

Well, I'll be a son of a gun.

Isn't it wonderful?

Netta Nickerson says that most | of the houses out this way...

haven't any conveniences at all.

I haven't seen a bulb like that | since I was seven years old.

Dad, really, what are we going to do | in a place like this?

But a bulb this weak, | you can't even call it a light.

It's a dark.

You turn that thing on in the middle | of the day, the whole room goes black.

Must be simply glorious in here | when the sun is out.

Whoops.

Seems to be stuck a little.

When we get an aerial, would you | like to look at some TVwith me?

Danny, | don't be positively infantile.

Wait a minute, Katey. | That was a very nice invitation.

Why don't you be polite about it?

If no one has any objections, | I'm going to take a bath.

That's a very good idea, Katey.

After a good, hot bath, | we'll all feel 100% better.

Just as soon as your dad | gets the pressure up.

- Soon as Dad gets what? | - Well, here it is.

- What is it? | - The instructions for starting up the pump.

Mr. Saltonstall, the plumber, left it for you. | Come along, children.

- We'll get the bags out of the car. | - Wait a minute.!

- I've never even seen a pump, except in the movies. | - Now, really, Dad.

No, come on over here. Take a look | at this thing. What kind of a pump is it?

"Directions for starting the pump. "

Well, this seems pretty clear. | Let's see.

"This pump is very simple | and should start easy.

"Open green priming valve and pour in | bucket of water. Close valve.

"Open green intake valve | and shut red return valve.

"Open green supply valve | and close red.

"Choke butterfly on carburetor | and open throttle. Start motor.

"Engage clutch, | and motor will start.

"If it doesn't, | you did something wrong.

"Also, be sure and adjust throttle | to maintain 50 pounds pressure...

or else you'll blow up | the whole damn place. "

Anybody who wants to take a bath around | here tonight can jump in the Pacific Ocean.

Honey, would you feel better...

if I went out and gave | that butterfly valve a twist now?

Oh, Rog, darling.

Did you ever see anyplace | quite so horrible?

Not since Dragonwyck.

Did you take a look | into that kitchen?

No, and I'm not going up | in the attic either...

until all that sobbing | and moaning stops.

Isn't it awful? All those chains | dragging across the floor.

Yeah, what's that old woman | cackling about? Listen to her.

There's no aerial.

There's that fella that gets shot | off his horse every time...

right in front of the camera.

That hombre can really bounce, | can't he?

"Highest Bounce in the West," | they call him.

Can't be long now.

Yeah.

Here we go. | Five, four, three, two, one.

Ee-yah.!

There he goes.

- Poor old Black Bart. | - Shot him right through the heart.

Well, he should never | have killed Tom's kid brother.

We're gonna make a home | out of this place yet, honey.

- Good night, sweetie. | - Good night.

Boy!

Oh, my. Oh, the pump.

All right. | Where is the pump? Uh-

Must be over there.

A hush falls over the crowd...

as Hobbs's shrewd eyes | take in the intricacies...

of the complicated machine...

at a glance.

Then his strong, skillful fingers...

as sensitive as those of a surgeon...

make their first sure contact | with the key valve.

"Open green intake valve...

"and close red return valve.

"And open green supply valve | and close red supply valve.

Throw in a bucket of water. " | A bucket of water.

Here.

Step by step...

with never a false move | or moment ofhesitation...

he moves relentlessly | toward another triumph...

in the never-ending struggle...

of man versus machine.

And now-

And now-

And now-

The silence is almost unbearable.

Will Hobbs take this sitting down?

5-3-7-2.

The doctor told her she could look | for a hemorrhage, and sure enough, here it came.

Whoosh! | All over the walls, and dripping-

Buckets and buckets and buckets.

- By then, some kind of secretion was coming out of her eyes. | - Eww.

- What was that? | - Sounded like a dog.

There are no dogs on this phone.

Anyway, while they were mopping up-

Madam, I'm sorry, | but I haven't had my coffee yet.

- Who is this? | - Oh, now, really, Dad.

I've gotta get a plumber.

I've never seen such a weird place.

Could be lots of things.

- Did you open the green priming valve and pour in water? | - Yeah.

Uh-huh. Did you choke the butterfly | on the carburetor and open the throttle?

- Yeah, yeah. | - And it still didn't work.

I'm sorry about the delay, but Mr. Saltonstall | fell into Mrs. Coats's cesspool.

- Second time this year. Happy to know you. | - Mrs. Hobbs, Mr. Saltonstall.

- My daughter Katey. | - Hello, Katey!

I've never seen anything back up | like that cesspool of Mrs. Coats's.

Mrs. Saltonstall says I spend more time | in that cesspool than I do at home.

Well, let's go look at that pump.

- Are you sure you followed all the directions? | - Eleven times.

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