Mr. Roosevelt Page #3

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- You did not, really?.

- Yeah.

You know they have them

in six stores?

What?

Yeah. That's our Celeste.

Wow!

It's amazing

how much bread you can eat.

They're not charging

for it, are they?

No, it's not that, it's just

I'm so gluten intolerant...

Even a bite can

throw off my diet for a week.

Yeah,

Celeste got me off bread too

and I feel so much better.

I thought I was gonna miss it,

but I don't.

Well, I for one love bread.

Call me old-fashioned, okay?

I'm jealous.

So, Emily,

I'm just a little confused.

If you don't want to be making

internet videos,

and you don't want to be

a standup comic and

you're not an actress...

What do you want to do?

Why move to Los Angeles

in the first place?

Celeste...

That's a really

good question, Celeste.

And the answer is...

I don't know.

I guess it was pretty

f***ing stupid of me, huh?

Well, for a comedian,

she's awfully serious.

[Breaking dishes]

Sh*t!

I'm so sorry. I'm sorry.

No, no, leave it.

Woah, what happened?

Ouch!

- Oh my God, are you okay?

- I'm fine. Leave me alone!

What the f, Jen!

Suck a dick, Dustin, she's hurt.

Come on, I got you.

Wait, Em...

It's okay. I got her.

Okay.

She has a hot mouth.

Hey, let me see it.

I'm so sorry.

I don't know how I'm going

to pay for all that food.

F*** that food.

Who cares about that food?

Let me see your hand.

Hey...

Are you Emily Martin?

- Yeah?

- Dude!

Jen!

Jen Morales.

We talked for a second

at the party on the East side.

You were with Ravi.

There was that band of girls

that hits pots as instruments.

Ahhh, Manic Pixie Jihad.

- Yeah!

- Yeah!

Dude! Is it weird that

I feel like I know you?

People post your vids

all the time.

- They do?

- Yeah.

My mom's favorite one is

that one of you in the bathtub.

Hey, you're based out of LA?

What are you doing out here?

My cat died.

Oh, I'm sorry.

Was he old?

No, he wasn't.

Oh man...

That guy up there

your boyfriend?

That's my ex-boyfriend.

Oh.

I left my cat with him.

But he wasn't my ex-boyfriend

when I did that.

He was my boyfriend,

and then I moved to Los Angeles.

And we tried long distance,

and then I broke up with him.

But don't worry about him

because he has a new girlfriend

and she's super-cool.

And she lives in our house

that's theirs,

and she ripped up the carpet,

and it looks really pretty.

And she says that

it's her cat too!

And I think that that's fair.

It's okay, it's okay.

I'm sorry, I can't breathe.

- It's okay...

- I'm sorry.

Hold that thought.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

[Sound of Emily struggling

to catch her breath]

I'm sorry.

I don't want to drink.

It's okay,

just tell me what happened.

I already said it.

Say it again.

Which part?

Any of it.

Okay.

I just had all these plans

and these goals.

Right.

And I thought if I did one thing,

then I did another thing...

And this and

that was supposed to happen...

How do you feel?

I don't know.

Exactly.

What?

Just breathe.

How am I supposed to breathe?

You just threw water in my...

Oh my God!

[Sound of laughter]

You feel better?

I feel great.

Do you mind passing the butter?

Sure, here.

Thank you.

I'm sorry about your dress.

I can pay

to have it dry-cleaned.

MEOW:

It's Jen. see you manana...

Emily?

Emily?

Emily?

Emily?

Did I wake you?

Yes.

I wanted to share some good

news.

Okay?

We were able to get

a flight voucher in your name

because my cousin's a manager

at Delta.

What?

I heard you were worried about

returning to Los Angeles?

You got me a plane ticket?

Un-huh.

It's just coach. We used miles.

- You didn't have to do that.

- I know.

But I wanted to.

My apologies for waking you up.

I just wanted to share the good

news before I went to work.

Have a really beautiful day,

Emily.

Eric?

Celeste?

[Sound of floorboard creaking]

[Sound of Emily jumping]

[Sound of breaking pot]

[Sound of Emily yelping]

I'm sorry! I was just

looking for the toothpaste.

It's okay!

It's alright.

Nothing you haven't seen before.

Yeah, that's very true.

Toothpaste is

in the second cabinet

to the right in the bathroom.

Thank you.

Hey, Em?

Have you had breakfast?

I'm surprised you kept the

table.

Celeste, she refinished it.

She's really, really handy.

Oh, Celeste...

Celeste really is the best, huh?

I'm glad

to hear you say that.

Because I was worried

after last night.

You were worried?

Worried about me?

How come? You know me.

New day. New Emily.

Yeah, I do. I know you.

You want me to help?

You want me to make some coffee?

Yeah, that'd be great.

Cool.

I'm sorry, I just need...

Oh yeah. No, sorry.

You're okay.

[Theme music comes up softly]

You know

I like it strong, right?

I'll make it strong.

[Soft theme music continues]

[Sound of Emily's soft laughter]

[Music comes up stronger,

sound of cat's meow]

Yeah, you know what?

We're actually off coffee now.

And I know it sounds crazy but

I have more energy.

I have to head to school.

Are you gonna be okay here

alone all day?

Yeah, I think so.

I still have a key.

Great.

And I can take that back later.

Of course.

Oh, also we moved

a ton of your stuff

in boxes out into the shed.

Maybe you want to go through it,

and take some stuff

back with you?

And your bike.

We both have bikes so...

Maybe you want to figure out

what you want to do with that.

Maybe sell it for money?

Sure, yeah. Really good idea.

Thank you.

Great.

Toodles.

Toodles.

[Front door closing]

[Theme music comes up]

[Shed door opening]

[Faster paced theme music

comes up]

[Music stops abruptly]

[Sound of Emily

struggling with bike]

Jesus, f***ing Christ...

Crap.

[Piped in electronic music ]

It's Jen. See you manana?

[Knocking]

Hi, is Jen home?

Hey, Dude!

- Hey.

- What up?

Hey.

Happy you found me!

Come on in.

It's where the magic happens.

How many people live here?

- Like four to six.

- Really?

Yeah, sometimes

we AirBnB the couch.

Dude, it's so f'd that

you're staying

with your ex-boyfriend

and his new girlfriend.

I know.

What twisted mind would agree

to something like that?

So what are we dealing with?

A jealous psycho-b*tch?

No, Celeste is not the type of

girl that gets jealous.

In fact,

she is super, super nice,

and put together, and everything

in her life is beautiful,

and nothing's out of place.

You know, like a

Pinterest board come to life.

Oh, so she's super-fake.

And she has him

on anti-depressants.

She literally has him drugged

up.

Are you f***ing serious?

I saw them in their cabinet...

which used to be my cabinet.

It's like they've gotten rid of

every trace that I ever existed.

They put all my stuff

in the shed...

My entire life in Austin,

packed up in two boxes.

Eric said, "You have to

get these out of here."

But what am I supposed to do?

I can't take them to LA with me,

I don't have any space,

I live in a studio.

Why not keep your stuff here,

I'd be happy to hold it for you.

Really?

You barely even know me.

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