Mr. Roosevelt Page #7

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Yeah?

So what are you going to do now?

Are you leaving tomorrow?

I don't know!

I don't know! I don't know!

You could stay here.

No. I can't, I've already

burned every bridge in Austin.

I'm gonna go back to LA, and

try to get another editing gig.

And then audition

for commercials and

be a desperate improv comedian

who never gets a real job,

and ends up being

some loser f***ing waitress?

Yeah, you wouldn't want

to do that.

No, Jen...

Jen, I didn't...

Obviously, I didn't mean...

Emily, shut up!

You are amazing.

Jen, I didn't know...

I even f***ed this up.

No, you didn't!

Listen, I'm you're friend,

no matter what.

But you need to grow the f***

up.

You're not the only one in

the world with f***ing problems.

You're right.

I don't deserve friends.

God, you are so self-pitying!

I'm sorry!

Stop saying you're sorry!

[Theme music comes up]

F***!

F***!

Where's my bike?

Where's my bike?

Sh*t, sh*t...

Oh my God.

Someone f***ing stole my bike!

It's so f***ing obvious!

F*** everyone!

No, Jen.

Hey, buddy.

Jen, Jen, no, I don't want to.

I'm just here to help.

You can't do this to me.

- I'm here to help.

- I don't want it.

I'll hit you

with a little water.

No, no, no.

- Don't do this.

- There's nowhere to go.

No, no.

Come on, Em.

You gotta face your fears.

No.

No, no.

- Just trying to help.

- No!

- Here to help.

- NO!

[Theme music comes up

more powerfully]

[Theme music fades out]

Ahhhhhhhhh!

[Crying]

Mr. Roosevelt!

I'm sorry!

I'm so sorry!

[Crying uncontrollably]

[Sound of Emily still crying]

Jen, am I a bad person?

No...

There's no way in hell

you're a bad person.

You're a good person,

with really bad execution.

[Laughter]

You ready to do this?

[Sound of knocking]

Hi.

There's not much of him in here.

What's up?

I'm Jen.

Heard a lot about you.

I'm not sure where Eric is.

After this morning,

he just disappeared.

And he left his phone here.

I'm sure he's alright.

Emily, I was just trying

to do something nice...

with the brunch, and with you.

Okay?

I don't know how to handle

stuff like this.

Or maybe I went about it

the wrong way.

And everyone's so upset.

Everyone is so upset.

And you ran away.

And Eric is gone and I don't

even know who you are.

And I was just trying

to do something nice.

And I wanted to do

something right!

What the f***!

This is the part where you're

supposed to start laughing.

What?

[Sound of Jen

and Emily laughing]

[Sound of Celeste laughing]

You want some?

Yeah.

I never had a pet

before Mr. Roosevelt...

Really? Never?

No.

[Front door opening]

Eric.

Where were you?

Just walking around, thinking.

- Are you wet?

- Uh-huh.

Some stuff happened.

Shall we do this?

[Sound of shoveling soil]

[Theme music comes up softly]

(Emily)

Dear Eric and Celeste,

Thank you for taking

such good care of me.

Now that I'm no longer alive, I

just want to report back and say,

the tuna in heaven is divine.

Love, Mr. Roosevelt.

PS:
I know my mom Emily

was kind of a c*nt,

but she's grown up a lot

over this weekend.

Thank you for showing her

what a family looks like.

She thinks you guys are building

something great together.

And the wood floors

look awesome.

PPS:
Sorry I broke your thing.

I tried to fix it

as best as I could.

PPPS:
Hey, just in case you didn't

know, this is Emily writing this.

[Knocking on door]

Hi, is Jen home?

I thought you were gone.

Yeah. I'm going to be leaving

I just wanted to say goodbye

to you before you left for tour.

What? I'm not going on tour.

You say that now,

but maybe this...

will change your mind.

"mdotclark79"

"This drummer is sick.

Come to Cincinnati."

The people have spoken.

They love you.

Dude, maybe I will go on tour.

Yeah you will. Guess my YouTube

came in handy for something.

F*** yeah!

Well, Jen, I'm gonna miss you.

I'm gonna miss you, too, man.

Bring it in. Bring it in.

- Oh my God.

- Yeah!

[Sound of women giggling]

Well, I guess that's it.

See you.

Oh, wait Jen, I almost forgot.

I am flat broke.

Can I get a ride to the airport?

- Oh, f*** you.

- Okay.

- I'll get my keys.

- Okay.

[Theme music comes up]

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