Mr. Troop Mom Page #6

I want you to clean this up,

and then I want you off my mountain.

Oh, Lula.

Oh, Lula. Lu.

Lula.

Okay. I don't...

I messed up with Naomi. I don't think she'll

trust me again and I'm not sure I blame her.

Well, here's something

that might cheer you up.

Stephenson file.

Got it all figured it out. You know

how you're telling me to find the fix?

I couldn't find the fix because I didn't

know what the problem was. Check this out.

Wait a minute.

- You couldn't find the fix.

- I hadn't identified the problem.

I was doing all this work.

But not dealing with the actual problem.

You're absolutely right.

- You're absolutely right.

- I am?

If I want a relationship with Naomi,

I have to deal with my problem.

I'm not following.

- There's still time.

- For what?

- Can you burn a CD on that?

- Oh, yeah. Why?

Harry, we're going back in.

We?

Oh. Ow.

Eddie?

We need a diversion.

- Not good under pressure.

- It took me eight tries to pass the bar.

- Use that.

- Right.

- Psst!

- What?

- Not on her. On the pots and pans.

Oh, yeah, yeah. I knew that.

You think I can't smell

a rat in my own kitchen?

I've flown F-17 Stealth Fighters.

I've survived in the desert for days

without food or water.

I've looked death right in the eye

and said:

"Out of my way, poser."

So tell me, soldier, do I sound like

someone you wanna make angry?

Do I?

Oh. Uh, were you talking to me?

Where's Naomi?

I think she was at the beach,

writing in her journal.

- Great.

- The one you read, remember?

- I'm gonna get my scissors.

- No.

Go back to sleep.

"The one you read, remember?"

Naomi?

Naomi?

Naomi?

Your mother was selling cotton candy

at the church fair.

And when I saw her...

...I just kept buying it,

just so I could talk to her.

And that night, I saw her sitting

on the stairs outside the church hall...

...inside the band was playing this song,

and everybody was dancing.

I wanted to ask her to dance...

...but I was too nervous.

So instead I just asked her

if I could sit with her.

And that's what we did.

We just sat there.

Listening to this song, our song...

...not saying a word.

And that night, when I went to bed,

I was sure of two things:

That I had met the woman

I was gonna marry...

...and that 13 cotton candies

does something terrible to your stomach.

Yeah, I know when it comes to parenting,

there's no easy fix.

And your mom was more of a mother to you

than I'll ever be, than anyone could ever be.

And I know that I've let her down.

And I know that I've let you down.

Is that why you never talk about her?

Naomi, I...

I don't wanna make excuses.

And I don't expect you

to understand, really.

And...

...I'm not completely sure I get it.

But I'll always be there for you.

And now when I go to sleep,

I'm sure of one thing.

What's that?

That I love you more than anything else

in the world.

I love you too, Dad.

You're late.

You're old. Let's cut the chitchat

and get down to business.

- Who are you calling old?

- Gee, let me think.

Yeah, well, you know what?

This old lady is the one holding the cash.

So listen, you little punk,

you will do exactly as I say...

...or I will find you

and I will get back more than this money.

Oh, boy.

After everything

I've put you and the girls through...

...this would just be my way of...

...you know, making it up to everybody.

What do you say?

Well, if you really think

you can pull this off, you can stay.

Yes.

Eddie.

That was a wonderful thing you did

for your daughter out there.

It took a great deal of courage.

You faced your fears, and I dare say,

you are a changed man.

Yes, ma'am.

- Get Rocky on the phone, call in that favor.

- Eddie.

Thank goodness you are back.

We got Denise trouble.

This hat contains four slips of paper...

...with the name

of the four final relay events.

Wow.

One of you will swing your way

to survival.

And you will then tag-off to another

who will scale the Wall of Destiny.

And finally, the last two

will work as a team...

...high atop the rock,

a treacherous ropes course.

The most challenging of all.

All right, hold it right there.

Hey, look. It's the inverted man.

We're not used to seeing you

upside-right.

And his friend, Special Agent Matthews.

And his even better friend,

Special Agent Gomez.

- What's that?

- I don't know.

You brought the feds?

- What did she want you to do?

- Just mess with some girls.

Slime the ground, a few ropes.

You're looking at two, four,

maybe 10 years.

You got any tattoos?

- No, ma'am.

Don't worry, you will.

- Unless you boys decide to cooperate.

- Okay.

- Yeah.

- Good.

All right. All right, Wasps.

- Four-time returning champs.

- That's us.

You have made your picks.

Killer Bees.

- Make your picks.

- Not the rock. Please not the rock.

"Wall of Destiny."

I'm climbing.

"Vine swing."

Oh, vine swing. Cool.

It's okay, you go first.

Oh, no. I knew it.

I'm on top.

It's okay, I'm drawing your safety line.

I got your back.

You're on the ground.

See you on top.

All right, ladies,

let the final challenge begin.

Naomi.

I am not comfortable

with you doing the course.

- I'll talk to Miss Hulka, see if we can...

- It's okay. I'll do it.

- There is no reason that you have to...

- No, really. I want to.

All right. But if you change your mind...

Go get them, kiddo.

Naomi?

Like a watermelon.

The two top contenders...

...The Wasps...

...and the Killer Bees...

...are tied.

The winning team of the final relay

will be crowned...

...champion of the Spring Action Classic.

First up, the vine-swing challenge.

Good luck, ladies.

Run!

Ready position. Ready position.

- Looking for someone, Denise?

- I'm surprised they let you back in.

I think today's gonna be full of surprises.

Time to change the baby.

I don't know what you're up to,

but it's not gonna work.

- Baby go boom-boom.

- What?

Stinky boom-boom for Daddy. Over.

Gross.

Oh, no.

- Oh, not again.

- Get up. Go.

Go.

Where are you?

You slimed the wrong rope.

What...? Mo...? Move.

Get out of my way.

You idiots. What are you doing?

- You didn't say she was gonna attack.

- Don't let her take you alive. Over.

Mission accomplished, boss.

- Moving to phase two.

- You're enjoying this a little too much.

- Go, go, go.

- Go where?

I don't know, just go.

You wouldn't happen to know anything

about this, would you?

That's the stuff that Denise uses

to remove the hair on her...

That or someone sat on a frog.

Denise?

- I am so disappointed that you would...

- What? What?

It's my new hair gel.

It's from Paris. I love it.

How many children

do I have to take care of?

What did I ever do to you that day

in second grade?

Is this your way

of messing with my head? Nice try.

I'm asking, Skyler,

because I want to know.

You came to school that day with...

With what?

Came to school with what?

Just forget it.

Skyler, come on, let's go. Move.

- She didn't have to do this.

- She'll be all right.

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