Much Ado About Nothing Page #2

Benedick.

Repair to Leonato's.

Tell him I will not fail him at supper,

for indeed he hath made great preparation.

Examine your conscience.

And so I leave you.

Hath Leonato any son, my lord?

No child but Hero. She's his only heir.

Dost thou affect her, Claudio?

My lord,

when you went onward on this ended action...

...I looked upon her with a soldier's eye,

that liked...

...but had a rougher task in hand

than to drive liking to the name of love.

But now...

...I am returned and that war-thoughts

have left their places vacant...

...in their rooms come thronging soft...

...and delicate desires...

...all prompting me how fair young Hero is.

Saying...

...I liked her ere I went to wars.

Thou wilt be like a lover presently

and tire the hearer with a book of words.

If thou dost love fair Hero, cherish it.

And I will break with her and with her father

and thou shalt have her.

I know we shall have reveling tonight.

I will assume thy part in some disguise and...

...tell fair Hero I am Claudio.

And in her bosom, I'll unclasp my heart...

...and take her hearing prisoner,

with the force and...

...strong encounter of my amorous tale.

Then, after to her father will I break...

...and the conclusion is...

...she shall be thine.

In practice let us put it presently.

What the good-year, my lord.

Why are you thus out of measure sad?

There is no measure

in the occasion that breeds.

Therefore the sadness is without limit.

You should hear reason.

And when I have heard it...

...what blessing brings it?

I cannot hide what I am.

I must be sad when I have cause

and smile at no man's jests...

...eat when I have stomach...

...and wait for no man's leisure...

...sleep when I am drowsy...

...and tend on no man's business...

...laugh...

...when I am merry...

...and claw no man in his humor.

But you must not make full show of this

till you may do so without controlment.

You have of late

stood out against your brother...

...and he hath ta'en you newly into his grace...

...where it is impossible

you should take true root...

...but by the fair weather that you make yourself.

I had rather be a canker in a hedge...

...than a rose in his grace.

In this, though I cannot be said to be

a flattering, honest man...

...it must not be denied

but I am a plain-dealing villain.

If I had my mouth...

...I would bite.

If I had my liberty...

...I would do my liking.

In the meantime...

...let me be that I am and seek not to alter me.

Borachio!

What news?

I can give you intelligence

of an intended marriage.

Will it serve for any model to build mischief on?

Marry, it is your brother's right hand.

Who?

- The most exquisite Claudio?

- Even he.

How came you to this?

I heard it agreed upon that the prince

should woo Hero for himself...

...and having obtained her,

give her to Count Claudio.

Come.

Come, let us thither.

This may prove food to my displeasure.

That young start-up hath all

the glory of my overthrow.

If I can cross him any way...

...I bless myself every way.

You are both sure...

...and will assist me?

To the death, my lord.

- Shall we go prove what's to be done?

- We'll wait upon your lordship.

- Was not Count John here at supper?

- I saw him not.

How tartly that gentleman looks!

I never can see him but

I am heart-burned an hour after.

He's of a very melancholy disposition.

He were an excellent man that were made

just in the midway between him and Benedick.

The one is too like an image and says nothing,

and the other too like my lady's eldest son...

...evermore tattling.

Then half Signior Benedick's tongue...

...in Count John's mouth...

...and half count John's melancholy

in Signior Benedick's face.

With a good leg.

And a good foot, uncle.

And money enough in his purse.

Such a man would win any woman in the world.

If he could get her good will.

By my troth, niece, thou wilt never get thee

a husband, if thou be so shrewd of thy tongue.

Lord, I could not endure a husband

with a beard on his face.

I'd rather lie in the woolen.

You may light on a husband that hath no beard.

And what should I do with him?

Dress him in my apparel

and make him my waiting-gentlewoman?

He that hath a beard is more than a youth.

And he that hath no beard is less than a man.

And he that is more than a youth is not for me.

And he that is less than a man, I am not for him.

Yet in faith, she's too cursed.

Well, then, go you into hell?

No, but to the gate.

And there will the devil meet me

like an old cuckold...

...with horns on his head, and say:

"Get you to heaven, Beatrice.

"Here's no place for you maids."

So away to Saint Peter for the heavens.

He shows me where the bachelors sit.

And there live we as merry as the day is long.

Well, niece,

I hope you will be ruled by your father.

Yes, faith,

it is my cousin's duty to make curtsy...

...and say, "Father, as it please you."

But yet for all that, cousin,

let him be a handsome fellow...

...or else make another curtsy

and say, "Father, as it please me."

Daughter...

...remember what I told you.

If the prince do solicit you in that kind...

...you know your answer.

Well, niece.

I hope to see you one day fitted with a husband.

Not till God make men

of some other metal than earth.

Cousin, you apprehend passing shrewdly.

I have a good eye, uncle.

I can see a church by daylight.

The revellers are entering!

Lady, will you walk about with your friend?

I know you well enough.

You are Signior Antonio.

At a word, I am not.

I know you by the waggling of your head.

At a word, I am not.

Come, come, do you think I do not know you

by your excellent wit?

Can virtue hide itself?

Go to, mum, you are he.

Graces will appear, and there's an end.

Well, I would you did like me.

So would not I, for I have many ill qualities.

- Which is one?

- I say my prayers aloud.

- Will you not tell me who told you, sir?

- No, you shall pardon me.

- Nor will you not tell me who you are?

- Not now.

That I was disdainful...

...and that I had my good wit

out of the "Hundred Merry Tales."

Well, this was Signior Benedick that said so.

What's he?

I'm sure you know him well enough.

Not I, believe me.

Did he never make you laugh?

I pray you, what is he?

Why, he is the prince's jester.

A very dull fool.

His only gift is in devising impossible slanders.

None but libertines delight in him,

for he both pleases men and angers them...

...and then they laugh at him and beat him.

I am sure he is in the fleet.

I would he had boarded me.

When I know the gentleman,

I'll tell him what you say.

Do.

We must follow the leaders.

In every good thing.

Are not you Signior Benedick?

You know me well. I am he.

Signior,

you are very near my brother in his love.

He is enamoured on Hero.

I pray you, dissuade him from her.

She is no equal for his birth.

How know you he loves her?

I heard him swear his affection.

So did I, too.

And he swore he would marry her tonight.

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