Much Ado About Nothing Page #8

we are none.

Well, stand aside.

'Fore God,

they are both in a tale.

Have you writ down,

that they are none?

Master constable,

you go not the way to examine.

You must call forth the watch that

are their accusers.

Yea, marry,

that is the eftest way.

Let the watch come forth.

Masters, I charge you

in the prince's name

accuse these men.

This man said,

sir, that Don John,

the prince's brother,

was a villain.

Write down,

"Prince John a villain."

Why, that's flat perjury,

to call a prince's brother villain.

Master constable...

Pray thee,

fellow, peace.

I do not like thy look,

I promise thee.

What heard you him say else?

Marry, that he had received

a thousand ducats of Don John

for accusing

the Lady Hero wrongfully.

Flat burglary

as ever was committed.

Yea, by mass,

that it is!

What else, fellows?

And that Count Claudio did mean,

upon his words,

to disgrace Hero

before the whole assembly

and not marry her.

O villain.

Thou wilt be condemned

into everlasting redemption for this.

What else?

This is all.

And this is more, masters,

than you can deny.

Prince John is this morning

secretly stolen away,

Hero was in this manner accused,

in this very manner refused,

and upon this

grief suddenly died.

Master constable, let these men be bound,

and brought to Leonato.

I will go before and show him

their examination.

Come, let them

be opinioned.

Let them be

in the hands...

Off, coxcomb!

God's my life,

where's the sexton?

Let her write down

the prince's officer coxcomb.

Come, bind them.

Thou naughty varlet!

Away! You are an ass!

You are an ass.

Dost thou not

suspect my place?

Dost thou not

suspect my years?

O that she were here

to write me down an ass.

But, masters,

remember that I am an ass,

though it be not

written down,

yet forget not

that I am an ass.

Thou villain,

thou art full of piety,

as shall be proved

upon thee by good witness.

I am a wise fellow,

and, which is more, an officer,

and, which is more,

a householder,

and, which is more, as pretty a piece of flesh

as any is in Messina,

and one that

knows the law, go to.

And a rich

fellow enough, go to.

And a fellow

that hath had losses,

and one that hath two gowns and every thing

handsome about him!

O that I had been

writ down an ass!

Now, signior,

what news?

Good day, my lord.

We've been up and

down to seek thee,

for we are

high-proof melancholy

and would fain

have it beaten away.

Wilt thou use

thy wit?

It is in my scabbard,

shall I draw it?

Dost thou wear thy

wit by thy side?

Never any did so, though very many have been

beside their wit.

I will bid thee draw,

as we do the minstrels,

draw, to pleasure us.

As I'm an honest man,

he looks pale.

Art thou sick,

or angry?

What, courage, man!

What though care killed

a cat thou hast mettle in thee to kill care.

But when shall we set

the savage bull's horns

on the sensible

Benedick's head?

Yea, and text underneath,

"Here dwells Benedick the married man"?

Shall I speak

a word in your ear?

God bless me

from a challenge.

You are a villain.

I jest not.

I will make it

good how you dare,

with what you dare,

and when you dare.

Do me right, or I will

protest your cowardice.

Well, I will meet you,

so I may have good cheer.

My lord, for your

many courtesies, I thank you.

I must discontinue

your company.

Your brother the bastard

is fled from Messina.

You have among

you killed a sweet and innocent lady.

For my Lord Lackbeard,

there, he and I shall meet.

And, till then,

peace be with you.

Did he not say,

my brother was fled?

Officers, what offense

have these men done?

Marry, sir, they have

committed false report.

Moreover, they have

spoken untruths.

Secondarily,

they are slanders.

Sixth and lastly,

they have belied a lady.

Thirdly, they have

verified unjust things,

and, to conclude,

they are lying knaves.

This learned constable

is too cunning to be understood.

What's your offense?

Sweet Prince, let me go

no farther to mine answer.

Do you hear me,

and let this count kill me.

I have deceived

even your very eyes.

What your wisdoms

could not discover,

these shallow fools

have brought to light.

Who overheard me confessing

how your brother incensed me

to slander the Lady Hero,

how you saw me

court Margaret in Hero's garments,

how you disgraced her.

My villainy they

have upon record,

which I had rather seal

with my death than repeat over to my shame.

Runs not this speech like iron through

your blood?

I have drunk poison

whiles he utter'd it.

Come, bring away

the plaintiffs,

and, masters, do not forget

to specify,

when time and place shall serve,

that I am an ass.

Which is the villain?

Let me see his eyes, that, when I note

another man like him,

I may avoid him.

Which of these is he?

If you would know

your wronger, look on me.

Art thou the slave

that with thy breath

hast kill'd mine

innocent child?

Yea, even I alone.

No, not so, villain.

Here stannk pair

of honorable men,

a third is fled,

that had a hand in it.

I thank you, Princes,

for my daughter's death.

Record it with thy

high and worthy deeds.

'Twas bravely done,

if you bethink you of it.

I know not how to pray your patience,

yet I must speak.

Choose your

revenge yourself,

impose on me what penance your invention

can lay upon my sin,

yet sinn'd I not

but in mistaking.

By my soul, nor I.

And to satisfy

this good old man,

I would bend under any heavy weight

that he'll enjoin me to.

I cannot bid you

bid my daughter live.

That were impossible.

But, I pray you both,

possess the people in Messina here

how innocent she died,

and if your love can labor

ought in sad invention,

hang her an epitaph

upon her tomb

and sing it to her bones.

Sing it to-night.

To-morrow morning

come you to my house,

for since you could not be my son-in-law,

be yet my nephew.

My brother hath a daughter,

almost the copy of

my child that's dead,

and she alone is

heir to both of us.

Give her the right

you should have given her cousin,

and so dies my revenge.

I do embrace your offer

and dispose for henceforth

of poor Claudio.

This naughty man shall face to face

be brought to Margaret,

who I believe was

pack'd in all this wrong,

hired to it by

your brother.

No.

By my soul, she was not,

nor knew not what she did

when she spoke to me.

But always hath been just and virtuous in

any thing I do know by her.

Moreover, sir.

Although it be not

under white and black,

this plaintiff here, the offender,

did call me ass.

I beseech you, let it be

remembered in her punishment.

I thank thee for thy

care and honest pains.

God keep your worship.

I humbly give you leave to depart,

and should a merry

meeting be wished,

God prohibit it.

Come, neighbor.

Until to-morrow morning,

lords, farewell.

We will not fail.

Bring you these

fellows on.

Pray thee, Mistress Margaret,

deserve well at my hands

by helping me to the speech

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