Mulan Page #5

(Be a man)

We must be swift as a coursing river

(Be a man)

With all the force of a great typhoon

(Be a man)

With all the strength of a raging fire

Mysterious as the dark side of the moon!

Shan Yu cuts the top off a tree. The hawk flies overhead and drops a small doll. Shan Yu jumps down from the tree and throws the doll to one of the Huns.

Shan Yu:

What do you see?

Hun #1:

Black pine ... from the high mountains!

Hun #2:

White horse hair ... Umperial stallions.

Hun #3:

Sulphur ... from cannons.

Shan Yu:

This doll came from a village in the Tung Show Pass, where the Imperial Army is waiting.

Hun Archer:

We can avoid them easily.

Shan Yu:

No. The quickest way to the emperor is through that pass. Besides, the little girl will be missing her doll. We should return it to her.

Moo Shung Camp, at night

Mushu:

Hey, this is not a good idea. What if somebody sees you?

Mulan:

Just because I look like a man doesn't mean I have to smell like one.

Mushu:

so a couple guys don't rinse out their socks. Picky, picky, picky. Myself, I kinda like that corn-chip smell.

Mulan:

[Jumps in the water] Ah.

Mushu:

Okay, all right, alright, that's enough, now c'mon, get out before you get all pruney and stuff.

Mulan:

Mushu, if you're so worried, go stand watch!

Mushu:

Yeah, yeah. Stand watch, Mushu, while I blow our secret with my stupid girly habits. Hygiene.

Three (naked) men flash by, laughing.

Mushu:

We're doomed! There're a couple of things I KNOW they're bound to notice!

Mulan ducks into the water as Ling, Yao and Chien-Po jump into the water. She tries to hide herself with a lilypad.

Yao:

Hey, Ping!

Mulan:

Oh, hi, guys, I didn't know you were HERE. I was just washing so now I'm clean and I'm gonna go. Bye-bye.

Ling:

Come back here! I know we were jerks to you before, so let's start over. Hi, I'm Ling.

Chien Po:

And I'm Chien-Po.

Mulan:

Hello, Chien-Po.

Yao:

And I am Yao, King of the Rock! And there's nothing you girls can do about it.

Ling:

Oh yeah? Well, I think Ping and I can take you!

Mulan:

I really don't want to take him anywhere.

Ling:

But, Ping! We have to fight!

Mulan:

No, we don't. We could just close our eyes, and ... swim around!

Ling:

C'mon! Don't' be such a ... OW! Something bit me!

Mushu:

What a nasty flavor.

Ling:

[sees Mushu] SNAKE!!!

While Yao, Chien Po and Ling are shrieking, Mulan whistles for Khan and sneaks away.

Ling:

[huddled on the rock with Chien Po and Yao] Some King of the Rock.

Mulan:

Boy, that was close.

Mushu:

No, that was vile. You owe me big!

Mulan:

I never want to see a naked man again.

A herd of naked men flash by.

Mushu:

Don't look at me, I ain't biting no more butts.

In Chi Fu's tent

Chi Fu:

You think your troops are ready to fight? Hah! They wouldn't last a minute against the Huns!

Shang:

They completed their training.

Chi Fu:

Those boys are no more fit to be soldiers than you are to be captain. Once the general reads my report, your troops will never see battle.

Mushu:

Oh, no, you don't! I've worked too hard to get Mulan into this war! This guy's messing with my plans!

Shang:

We're not finished!

Chi Fu:

Be careful, Captain. The general may be your father, but I am the Emperor's Council. And, oh, by the way, I got that job on my own. You're dismissed.

Mulan:

[to Shang] Hey, I'll hold him, and you punch! ... Or not. For what it's worth, I think you're a great captain!

Mushu:

I saw that.

Mulan:

What?

Mushu:

You like him, don't you

Mulan:

No! I ...

Mushu:

Yeah, right, sure. GO TO YOUR TENT!

Smiling, Mulan walks away.

Mushu:

[to Crickee] I think it's time we took this war into our own hands.

They rush into the tent as Chi Fu strolls out, dressed in a towel, a hat, and slippers.

Crickee types out a letter, like a typewriter.

Mushu:

Okay, lemme see what you've got. [reads] From General Lee. 'Dear Son, we're waiting for the Huns at the pass. It would mean a lot of you'd come and back us up.' Hmm. That's great, except that you forgot, 'and since we're out of popourri, perhaps you wouldn't mind bringing up some!' HELLO! This is the army! Make it sound a little urgent, please. You know what I'm talking about?

Crickee hops around typing out another letter.

Mushu:

That's better, much better! Let's go!

Mushu:

Khaney, baby. We need a ride. [Khan squirts him off, and Crickee slowly backs off.]

At the lake. Laughter

Chi Fu:

Insubordinate ruffians. You men owe me a new pair of slippers! [More laughter] And I do not squeal like a girl! [He turns to see a straw soldier (Mushu and Crickee) riding a panda bear.] Eeeeeeek!!!

Mushu:

[In a deep voice] Urgent new from the general! [He holds out a scroll] What's the matter, you've never seen a black and white before?

Chi Fu:

Who are you?

Mushu:

Excuse me? I think the question should be, who are you! We're in a war, man! There's no time for stupid questions! I should have your hat for that! Snatch it right off your head! I'm feeling gracious today, so ... carry on. [Chi Fu turns, and the panda climbs up a nearby tree.]

In the captain's tent

Chi Fu:

Captain! Urgent news from the general! We're needed at the front!

Mushu:

Pack your bags, Crickee, we're moving out!

Begin "A Girl Worth Fighting For."

For a long time we've been marching off to battle.

In our thundering herd, we feel a lot like cattle.

Like the pounding beat, our aching feet aren't easy to ignore.

Hey! Think of instead, a girl worth fighting for!

Huh?

That's what I said! A girl worth fighting for!

I want her paler than the moon, with eyes that shine like stars.

My girl will marvel at my strength, adore my battle scars!

I couldn't care less what she'll wear, or what she looks like!

It all depends on what she cooks like!

Beef, pork, chicken, mmm ...

Bet the local girls thought you were quite the charmer!

And I bet the ladies love a man in armor!

You can guess what we have missed the most

Since we went off to war!

What do we want?

A girl worth fighting for!

My girl will think I have no flaws

That I'm a major find

How 'bout a girl who's got a brain, who always speaks her mind?

Nah!

My manly ways and turn of phrase and sure to thrill her!

He thinks he's such a lady-killer!

I've a girl back home who's unlike any other!

Yeah, the only girl who'd love him is his mother!

But when we come home, in victory

They'll line up at the door!

What do we want?

A girl worth fighting for!

Wish that I had

A girl worth fighting for!

A girl worth fighting--

The Chinese army stares in horror at the charred and burning remnants of a small village. They walk through it.

Shang:

Search for survivors!

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