Mulan Page #4

Inside the Captain's Tent

General:

The Huns have struck here, here, and here. I will take the main troops up to the Tung Chow Pass and stop Shan Yu before he destroys this village.

Chi Fu:

Excellent strategy, sir! I do love surprises.

General:

[to Lee Shang] You will stay and train the new recruits. When Chi Fu believes you're ready, you will join us ... Captain.

Shang:

Captain?

Chi Fu:

Oh! This is an enormous responsibility, General! Perhaps a soldier with more experience?

General:

Number one in his class, extensive knowledge of training techniques ... an impressive military linuage ... I believe Lee Shang will do an excellent job.

Shang:

Oh I will! I won't let you down! This is... I mean... Yes sir.

General:

Very good, then. We'll toast China's victory at the Imperial City. I'll expect a full report in three weeks.

Chi Fu:

And believe me, I won't leave anything out.

Shang:

Captain Lee Shang. Leader of China's finest troops. No, the greatest troops of all time. [They step outside]

Chi Fu:

Most impressive.

General:

Good luck, Captain! Yah! [He rides off, followed by two lines of soldiers on horses.]

Shang:

Good luck ... Father.

Chi Fu:

Day one.

Shang:

Soldiers!

Soldiers separate, revealing a cowering Mulan

Soldiers:

HE started it!

Shang:

[to Mulan] I don't need anyone causing trouble in my camp.

Mulan:

Sorry ... [in a deep voice] I mean, sorry you had to say that. But you know what it is when you get those manly urges ... just gotta KILL something. Fix things ... a cook outdoors ...

Shang:

What's your name?

Mulan:

uh...um...uh...

Chi Fu:

Your commanding officer just asked you a question!

Mulan:

I've got a name ... and it's a boy's name, too.

Mushu:

Ling! How 'bout Ling?

Mulan:

(to Mushu) HIS name is Ling.

Shang:

I didn't ask for HIS name, I asked for yours!

Mushu:

Uh ... Ah-chu!

Mulan:

Ah-chu!

Shang:

AH-CHU?!

Mushu:

Gesuintit! Hee hee ... I kill myself.

Mulan:

Mushu ...

Shang:

MUSHU?

Mulan:

No.

Shang:

Then WHAT is it?!

Mushu:

Ping! Ping was my best friend growing up.

Mulan:

It's Ping.

Shang:

Ping.

Mushu:

'Course, Ping did steal my girl--

Mulan:

Yes. My name is Ping.

Shang:

Let me see your conscription notice. [Mulan hands the scroll to him.] Fa Zhou? THE Fa Zhou?

Chi Fu:

I didn't know Fa Zhou had a son.

Mulan:

Er, he ... doesn't talk about me much. [She attempts to spit, but fails miserably.]

Chi Fu:

I can see why. The boy's an absolute lunatic! (Laughter)

Shang:

Okay, gentlemen, thanks to your new friend Ping, you'll spend tonight picking up every single grain of rice. Tomorrow, the real work begins.

Grumbling

Mushu:

You know, we have to work on your people skills.

Inside Mulan's tent

Mushu picks up Crickee and uses him for an alarm clock.

Mushu:

All right, rise and shine, Sleeping Beauty! C'mon, hup, hup, hup!

Mulan pulls the blanket over her, and Mushu pulls it off.

Mushu:

Get your clothes on, get ready! Got breakfast ready. Look, you get porridge! And it's happy to see you!

Crickee is resting happily in the bowl of porridge, Mushu uses chopsticks to fish him out.

Mushu:

Hey, get out of there! You're gonna make people sick!

Mulan:

Am I late?

Mushu:

[stuffs porridge in her mouth] No time to talk. Now, remember, it's your first day of training, so listen to your teacher and no fighting, play nice with the other kids, unless, of course, the other kids want to fight, then you gotta kick the other kid's butt.

Mulan:

But I don't want to kick the other kids' butts.

Mushu:

Don't talk with your mouth full. Now let's see your war face.

Mulan looks at Mushu, her mouth full of porridge.

Mushu:

Oh, I think my bunny slippers just ran for cover. C'mon, scare me, girl!

Mulan:

Rrrrraaaaarrrgggghhhhh!

Mushu:

That's my tough looking warrior! That's what I'm talking about! Now, get out there and make me proud!

Khan neighs frantically

Mushu:

What do you mean, the troops just left?

Mulan:

They WHAT? [She rushes out of the tent]

Mushu:

Wait, you forgot your sword! [sniffs] My little baby, off to destroy people ...

Chi Fu:

Order! People, order!

Soldier:

I'd like a pan-fried noodle!

Chien Po:

Sweet and pungent shrimp.

Chi Fu:

That's not funny.

Ling:

Looks like our new friend slept in this morning. Why, hello, Ping, Are ya hungry?

Yao:

Yeah, cause I owe you a knuckle sandwich.

Shang:

Soldiers! You will assemble swiftly and silently, every morning. Anyone who does otherwise, will answer to me.

He takes off his shirt, and Mulan stares in awe.

Yao:

Ooh, tough guy.

Shang:

[pulls out a bow and arrow and aims it at Yow, then at the top of a high pole in the middle of the camp.] Yow. Thank you for volunteering. Retrieve the arrow.

Yao:

I'll get that arrow, pretty boy, and I'll do it with my shirt on. [He walks over to the pole and prepares to climb up it.]

Shang:

One moment, you seem to be missing something. [He pulls two giant medals out of a box.] This represents disipline. And this represents strength. You need both to reach the arrow. [He ties them around Yao's wrists, and all the soldiers after him, and none of them can make it to the arrow.]

Shang:

We've got a long way to go.

Beginning of "I'll Make a Man Out of You."

Shang:

Let's get down to business

To defeat the Huns

Did they send me daughters

When I asked for sons

You're the saddest bunch

I ever met, but you can bet

Before we're through

Mister, I'll make a man

Out of you.

Tranquil as a forest

But on fire within

Once you find your center

You are sure to win

You're a spineless, pale, pathetic lot

And you can bet before we're through

Mister, I'll make a man out of you.

Chien Po:

I'm never gonna catch my breath

Yao:

Say good-bye to those who knew me

Ling:

Boy I was a fool in school for cutting gym

Mushu:

This guy's got 'em scared to death

Mulan:

I hope he doesn't see right through me

Chien Po:

Now I really wish that I knew how to swim

(Be a man)

We must be swift as a coursing river

(Be a man)

With all the force of a great typhoon

(Be a man)

With all the strength of a raging fire

Mysterious as the dark side of the moon

Time is racing t'ward us

Till the Huns arrive

Heed my every order

And you might survive

You're unsuited for the rage of war

So pack up, go home, you're through

How could I make a man out of you

(Be a man)

We must be swift as a coursing river

(Be a man)

With all the force of a great typhoon

(Be a man)

With all the strength of a raging fire

Mysterious as the dark side of the moon

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