My Big Fat Greek Wedding Page #3

with my parents, all summer.

Well, don't all your cousins go up, too?

No!

I only have two cousins.

They live in Wisconsin.

-You only have two cousins?

-Yeah.

-How many do you have?

-More than two.

Well, who else?

Didn't you have brothers and sisters?

What are your parents like?

What?

Well....

Okay, Christmas.

What do you do for Christmas

with your family?

My mom makes roast lamb.

-With mint jelly?

-No.

And?

And....

-I'm Greek, right?

-Right.

So what happens is my dad and my uncles...

fight over who gets to eat the lamb brain.

And them my Aunt Voula forks the eyeball,

and chases me around...

trying to make me eat it,

because it'll make me smart.

You have two cousins.

I have 27 first cousins.

Just 27 first cousins, alone.

And my whole family is big and loud...

and everybody's always

in each other's lives and business.

You never have a minute alone to just think,

because we're always together eating.

The only other people we know are Greeks...

because Greeks marry Greeks,

to breed more Greeks...

to be loud, breeding, Greek eaters.

-Wow.

-I'm serious.

No one in my family has ever

gone out with a non-Greek before. No one.

And you're....

You're....

God, you're just, you know, wonderful.

But I just don't see

how this is going to work out.

So....

Work out? What's to work out?

We're not a different species.

Yes, we come from different backgrounds...

and, hey, here's some news

about my life, to this point.

It's boring.

Then I met you...

and you're interesting,

and you're beautiful and fun.

You've got a weird family. Who doesn't?

I just want to spend some time with you.

I just want to spend a little time with you.

Did you say I'm beautiful?

Yes.

Which house is yours?

This is good, actually.

-Can you stop?

-Sure.

Right here is good. Just stop.

Thanks.

Good night.

Good night.

-Okay, good night.

-What?

No, don't go.

Good night.

Don't go.

And I can make a man out of you

'Cause I'm a woman

W-O-M-A-N

Happy again today, Toula?

Yeah.

Now every time I see you,

you have a great big smile.

-Hi, Ma.

-Hey, Niko.

-Where'd you go?

-Nowhere.

-What did you do?

-Nothing.

-Who did you see?

-No one.

Wait a minute, Niko,

I put them in your room.

Toula, how was your class?

My pottery class?

-It's great.

-Good.

-You've got to get out of here.

-Just one more kiss, then I'll go.

No.

What is going on?

Mr. Pottery Class, nice to meet you.

Ian, this is my cousin, Nikki.

Hello!

It's nice to finally meet

a member of Toula's family.

Yeah, well....

I'm the least of your worries.

Listen, the family knows.

Last night, Vicki Pavalopolis

saw you sucking the lips...

off his head, in the Denny's parking lot.

She told her ma, who told my ma,

who told your ma....

Let me put it this way. You're busted.

You sneak around, all over Chicago...

but you never come here to ask me,

can you date my daughter.

I'm sorry, but to ask you

if I can date your daughter....

Sir, she's 30 years old.

I am the head of this house!

Okay, may I please date your daughter?

No!

-I'll see you tomorrow.

-See you tomorrow.

Excuse me.

Didn't I say it's a mistake...

to educate women?

But nobody listened to me.

Now we have a boyfriend in the house.

Is he a nice Greek boy?

No, no Greek.

No Greek! A xeno!

A xeno with a big long hairs...

-on top of his head!

-Kosta.

I'm sorry I lied to you.

Okay, Toula...

maybe you are having a little romance.

But end it now.

I love him.

Toula, eat something...

please.

Your father has a friend for dinner.

What's this? Where are we?

My apartment.

You wanna go up?

This is it.

Don't worry, they're gonna love you.

"Toula." Now that's not a name

you hear every day.

Does it mean anything in your language?

Well, my Greek name, Fotoula,

means "Light of God."

Who would like a coffee?

So, you're Greek then?

What's your last name?

Portokalos.

In Greek, it means "orange."

Like an orange that you eat,

the one with the peel, not the color.

Yeah, it's really Greek.

Rodney, didn't you once have

a Greek receptionist?

No, Harriet, she was....

-Just a minute.

-No, she was Armenian.

-Is Armenia close to Greece?

-Not exactly.

-What was she?

-Who?

My secretary, for heaven's sake.

Everyone like cheesecake?

-Guatemalan.

-That's right, dear. She was Guatemalan.

I love you.

I love you.

I don't....

I don't really know how to say this.

What?

Will you marry me?

Yes!

I guess, now you can have this.

Come here.

Enough.

What? Don't you walk away from me.

Sit down.

Kosta...

they love each other. It's done.

How?

How can she do this to me?

She didn't do this to you or to me.

They fell in love. It happens.

Is he a good boy? I don't know.

Is he from a good family? I don't know.

Is he respectful? I don't know...

because nobody talks to me

about nothing no more.

A respectful boy would come here

and ask for my permission.

My daughter engaged to a xeno.

I always think she's going to be married

in the Greek Orthodox Church.

Why is she doing this to me?

...and leave space.

Sometimes their space is so big...

that the roof can't support itself,

so it collapses.

Excuse me.

Try not to be too loud.

Hi.

-Hi.

-Hi.

What's going on?

-Are you okay?

-Can we go to Vegas?

What?

Can we go to Niagara Falls or Fiji....

You want to go to Fiji?

Sure.

Okay, let's go. Come on.

Come here.

What's the matter?

I just feel like we can't get married,

not like this.

It's like...

when I'm with you...

I am so happy...

but my family is so unhappy.

And our wedding should be

this joyous thing.

But it won't be for them,

because it can't be in our church.

So, let's just go somewhere.

Please, let's just go.

Hey, I love you.

Why?

Why do you love me?

Because I came alive when I met you.

But my family....

You're a part of your family...

and I'll do anything...

whatever it takes, to get them to accept me.

Because you're my whole life now.

We're not going to skulk off

and get married...

as if we're ashamed of ourselves.

Okay?

Okay.

Did you say "skulk"?

-Shut up.

-Let's just skulk off somewhere....

Come on, talk to him.

Toula loves him.

Do it for Toula, come on.

Come on.

He wants to get married in the church.

-Go!

-All right.

So, you're going to be baptized tomorrow?

It's your lucky day...

to be baptized

in the Greek Orthodox Church.

Nikki's going to be your godmother.

You know...

the word "baptism"...

comes from the Greek word "baftisia. "

That's where we dip the baby...

in a beautiful, little silver basin.

It's not so bad?

Are you kidding? Any minute now,

he's going to look at me and go:

"Right, you're so not worth this."

Yes, you are.

You're all oily.

I'm Greek, now.

Thank you so much.

So, for "Happy Easter,"

we say "Khristos Anesti."

Then the other person says back,

"Alithos Anesti."

So if you want to say "Happy Easter,"

you go, "Khristos Anesti." So try it.

That's good.

Hey, Dad.

Mr. Portokalos, Khristos Anesti.

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