My Fake Fiance Page #5

- Just making plans.

- Oh. Wow. What is that number right there?

- Uh, that is the price per head.

Is that the price for a real human head? Because if not, it's way

too expensive

Weddings aren't cheap, Vince. Don't worry. Al and I have got it covered.

- Honey, remember our mantra - less food, more seats.

- Listen to that boy. He makes good sense.

- Sweetie? We're throwing a wedding, not a tailgate party.

- We lucked out, Vince.

The country club had a cancellation for April 25th. Can you imagine?

Less than a month before the wedding? Poor soul.

Oh, well, I guess one girl's heartbreak is another girl's special day, hmm?

So, your first counselling session with Reverend Jim - it's Tuesday night.

Counselling session?

You just go in and chat with the Reverend about your relationship

and the hopes and fears you have about marriage.

Oh, a lot of touchy-feely mumbo-jumbo if you ask me.

What will we talk about?

Mom, remember I told you Vince is not very religious. Do you think

maybe Reverend Jim would make an exception?

He will not perform the ceremony unless you go through counselling first.

Just say, 'yes, dear', It's two of the most important words to a successful marriage.

Yes, dear.

Honey, have you thought about colours? 'Cause I'm thinking teal, huh?

It's one of those few colours that doesn't wash you out.

-There she is.

-Hi, Mom.

Look at you. Give me a hug. Oh, you're just so huggable.

I'm sorry, honey. I would've been here sooner, but I got lost.

I always get lost in a full moon. So, introduce me.

- Hi.

- Uh, everybody, this is my mother, Catherine.

Mom, these are Jennifer's parents. This is Val.

Oh, it is so good to meet you. Oh... You smell wonderful. Like saffron.

- Thank you.

- And that is Al.

- Al.

- Oh. So, can we call you Mrs G.?

- Uh, actually, I don't...

- Well, you can call me whatever moves you.

And you must be Jennifer. Oh! Oh.

I am sure that you hear this all the time, but you have

the most beautiful aura.

Actually, that's a first.

Well, it's true. It's purple and orange and swirls of magenta. I can tell that

you are a very passionate lover. Good work, son.

Oh, let me see the two of you together. Click. Now I have an announcement

to make. I'm sure that Vince has told you a little bit about our family.

He did. I hope someday we get to meet that Tootie.

- Who?

- Mom, you and I should talk about this in private.

It's OK, honey. These people are family now.

As you know, Vince's father abandoned us to pursue his dream

of selfish isolation.

You've got to have goals.

Luckily, my son is an Aries with a Saturn rising, so he perseveres.

But a few days ago, out of the blue, his father called. It seems that

he's having regrets about some of the decisions that he made.

And when I told him about Vince's wedding, he offered to pay

for half of it.

- Well, that's fantastic.

- No. We can't let him pay.

We can't? I think we can. I think we should. I mean, how can we

deny him that joy?

I'm not letting him pay.

See? Now this is the perfect thing to talk about with Reverend Jim.

Who's Tootie?

- OK, well, that wasn't so bad.

- Can I just say one more thing?

Sure. Express yourself.

He refuses to go see his dad. You know, it's clear he has abandonment

issues, but I just feel that rather than avoiding them, he should

he should confront them head-on. It would really help with his

personal growth.

She's the one who's still desperately searching for approval from her

parents, so I really wish she would leave my personal growth out of this.

Vince, don't you see why Jennifer is concerned with your

relationship with your father?

Yeah, because she wants him to pay for half of the wedding.

I'm sure that Jennifer is more concerned with how you bring these feelings

into your role as father to your own children. Isn't that right, Jennifer?

No, I want his father to pay for half.

- Oh, I see.

- You with me?

I mean I'm not the crazy one but it doesn't take Dr Phil to see that your

father is somehow the root of your gambling problem.

- Gambling problem?

- I do not have a gambling problem.

Oh, come on. I would say owing 15,000 to a bookie named

'The' monkey who's gonna have you killed unless you pay him

I would say that's a pretty big problem, wouldn't you?

- Vince, you owe 15,000 to a bookie?

- Named 'The' Monkey.

Who's gonna have him killed if he doesn't pay - I got that part.

Is it true?

- No. It is not true. I do not owe 15,000.

- What?

- It's 20,000. Ah, didn't see that one coming now, did you?

- No, I didn't. You owe another 5,000 dollars?

No, not exactly. Remember what The Monkey was talking to us

about at the zoo? The sweetness clause? It's like a service charge.

For those special occasions when The Monkey shows just

how sweet of a guy he can be.

Jennifer, tell Vince how this makes you feel.

I feel like I cannot wait for this to be over so I never have

to see you again.

Don't expect a Christmas card from me either, sweetie.

- I'm not even sure you know how to write.

- OK. I think we're done here.

- Yeah.

- Hold on. Hold on. I'm confused. Are we calling the wedding off?

- No way.

- No way.

Oh, good. You're home.

Mom, those keys are for emergencies only.

- This is an emergency.

- The wedding is off.

- What?

- What?

- Your father played golf this morning with Reverend Jim.

- He told me about your little gambling problem.

- I don't have a gambling problem.

- I'm sorry, son. I'm not letting my daughter marry an

addicted gambler.

I thought it was supposed to be confidential.

Oh, Reverend Jim is a terrible gossip. Thank God we're not

catholic. That man could never handle confessions.

Vince, we feel for your predicament. We think you're a good

guy, but we've got to look out for Jennifer.

- She hasn't always made the best choices when it comes to men.

- Excuse me?

- Remember Bobby Sherwood, the gum-in-hair incident?

- Uh, that was junior high.

- Just saying it's a pattern.

- I'm sorry. We can't support this wedding.

- I see.

- Mom, Dad, I'm ashamed of you. Marriage isn't only for the

good times.

- Mom, did you leave Dad when he had that awful toenail fungus?

- No.

- Dad, did you leave mom when she gave herself that bad home

perm and was bald for a year?

- No.

- And I'm not leaving Vince in his time of need, either.

- Thanks.

Besides, the catering deposit is non-refundable.

It is?

- Won't get a dime back.

- Can they do that?

- Yes.

- Yes.

- And on top of all that, Vince has agreed to go to

Gamblers Anonymous.

- Oh!

- What?

- You can beat this, son.

I am so proud of you.

Hi, I'm, uh, Vince, and, uh, I'm a gambler.

ALL:
Hi, Vince.

Still me?

Well, um, what can I say? Um...

You got to know when to hold 'em.

Know...when to fold 'em.

Thank you.

That felt good.

Crazy, huh?

Yeah. You've known this guy, what, a month? You sure

you're not preggo?

I mean, we are a David's Bridal, I'm sure we can find

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