My Fellow Americans Page #8

the kickback money.

That's how Olympia came in.

Russell, please.

There must be a way around this.

I'll give you anything you want.

I have money.

Pardon? Are you honestly saying that

Russell P. Kramer can be bought?

Shut up.

Why resign? I know nothing about

Reynold's death or the crash.

Okay, all right.

I admit I used the office.

But how is that different

from what you're doing?

You made money from this office.

Two things.

One... I never did anything illegal.

Big difference. Two...

I never did it for money.

- Come on! Sure you did!

- No, no, you just don't get it.

My books, personal appearances, I do

them so people still know I'm here.

So they don't forget me.

And so I can get

just a little taste of...

...what it's like to be...

...what I was.

This office has done a lot for me!

Now I'll do something for it...

get you out!

Excuse me, sirs. I'm Agent Kopeck,

in charge of the White House detail.

This is Officer Ralph Fleming.

He stopped Colonel Tanner.

Thank you Ralph.

You saved our lives.

it's an honor to meet you, son.

Actually, we've met before...

We have? Where?

Somewhere... "over the rainbow. "

And so...

...it is with a heavy heart...

...and ironically, a weak heart...

...that I resign...

...from the office of

President of the United States.

Poor President Haney.

Don't you worry, Rita.

He'll be just fine.

You haven't lost your touch.

I miss you too.

I was finally getting used to him.

Now I must start all over again.

President Matthews.

Who would have ever thought of that.?

President Matthews.

There's only one way that moron

was ever going to become...

...president.

Either Haney would be assassinated...

...or he'd have to...

...resign.

I'm convinced that

it's for the nation's good...

...that I step aside.

Two more minutes.

Thank you. I'll be ready.

We need to talk, and right now.

Will you excuse us a minute?

What's up?

- We figured it out.

- You'll never get away with it.

I already did. Chief Justice Rehnquist

just swore me in.

I'm about to go on television

and reluctantly accept my charge.

You sent Tanner to kill us.

We investigate Olympia, wind up dead,

it gets tied to Haney.

Either way, he goes down.

You're right.

Only a few unfortunate deaths...

...but they can be blamed on Tanner.

He won't be a Joint Chief after all.

How do you explain us being here?

Are we both dead?

Your chopper definitely went down.

Thankfully it turned out

you weren't on board.

Press secretary's already apologized

for any confusion.

Thirty seconds.

Thank you.

Well, gentlemen...

...if you ask me, this whole thing's

been a real coup.

Funny thing, isn't it?

Everyone thinks I'm an idiot.

But nobody knows it was

all just a big facade.

Who's the idiot now?

- Good to see you.

- Welcome home, sir.

I guess that's all she wrote.

Want to know what

gives me the red ass?

He damn near got away with it.

What do you mean "damn near"?

You got the whole conversation on tape?

I learned from the master.

The only problem is if I drop this off

at CNN Matthews gets thrown out...

...according to the 25th Amendment...

...the Speaker of th House

will become preseident.

God, anybody but him.

Tell me about it.

But I guess we have no choice.

We did everything we could.

I'll go home, kiss my wife, take

a shower and go to bed for a month.

Sounds good.

You know something? I must tell you...

After going through this whole thing...

...i've realized...

...i really don't like you.

No kidding.

That's not what I wanted to say.

The thing is...

...I don't like you.

But...

...I think I'm going to...

...miss you.

If we hadn't spent 30 years

hating each other's guts...

...we might have been...

...friends.

I think I'll stop there...

...because I feel the goat cheese

pizza backing up on me.

You take care of yourself.

And...

...don't jump off trains.

I was pushed.

Same difference.

"Hail to the Chief, if you don't

I'll have to kill you.

"I am the Chief.

"So you better watch your step,

you bastards. "

We're even.

I was told what you went through.

It's amazing.

Yes, I guess it was.

Now you can go home to Cleveland

for a well-deserved rest.

When it comes time for a rest...

...there's no place like Cleveland.

This must've been

a difficult experience.

It was pretty bad.

But on some level...

...I enjoyed it.

It was just nice to do something and...

...have a goal again.

I think it was a great service

you did for your country.

Most people would've given up.

You and President Kramer

did everything you could.

I'm proud to be attached to you.

No, Chet...

...you're wrong.

We didn't do everything we could.

Nine months after he took

the oath of office...

...former president and

convicted felon Ted Matthews.

...today began serving his sentence at

a federal prison in Stafford, Virginia.

But, unlike other political

scandals of the past...

...this one as spawned

an unusual coupling.

For that story, we take you

to correspondent Kaye Griffin.

Two of America's biggest

political rivals are making history.

Running together as independents are

ex-Presidents Kramer and Douglas.

I come to this country

with those fellows.

However...

...we don't know who will be running

as president and who as vice president.

I'm not ashamed to say it,

I slept with both those guys.

My love.

- Any words of wisdom?

- Of course.

Don't be a frigging fool.

Please, if you're going to use

the F-word, go for the gold.

Excuse us.

- Ready to face the voting public?

- Let's do it.

I'll make the announcement.

You're saying I'm going

to be president...

...and you vice president, correct?

After all we did,

you still don't trust me?

I trust you.

Thank you.

Like you me. I'll announce it.

We agreed that I would do it.

- Let go, please.

- No I won't.

I'm not letting go either.

Move, old man.

No way, sleazebag.

Money!

Did you drop that?

Yeah, that's mine.

My fellow Americans...

You son of a-

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