My First Wedding Page #5

that 200 billion years were needed

for the molecule of protein

to appear on Earth, randomly.

Randomly.

That Darwin's fairytale

has deceived a lot of people.

So we are descendants of the apes.

Do I look like a monkey to you?

Just a little bit.

The kids at my parish

crack up...

-when I put on a monkey face.

-Is that so?

-Yes.

-And how's that face?

No... I can't do it right now.

-Come on. Father.

-No. I can't.

Come on, Father.

-Come on.

-Please get in.

I'm going to rest for a while.

You can do it, come on.

I'm a little shy.

Nobody can see us here.

It's a good deed.

Alright... let me see.

You see?

Yes. that's nice.

It's quite a natural.

Look at you.

I'm sorry... my angel.

This is all my fault.

-Smile, smile!

-Here we are!

A smile, you guys.

I think Agustina is into me.

Do you have three condoms

to borrow?

Please... smile... grandma.

If you are taking my picture

and that man is in it, I won't smile.

Come on, grandma.

It's just for the picture.

I don't give a sh*t.

One more, one more.

It's jammed. I'm sorry.

Come on, come on.

What a lovely smile!

That's nice.

Another one.

Just a minute,

the camera is jammed.

There we go.

That's it.

He's Tiang Bei.

He probably is one of the

most important guys here.

But he doesn't know it,

and he probably never will.

Tiang Bei, together with

is responsible for building

the Three Gorges Dam

one of the most spectacular

wonders of hydraulic engineer

of the whole world.

He's Chinesse.

As almost everybody knows,

the Chinese are great inventors:

the compass, the gunpowder.

the toilet paper, the silk...

the kite, the fireworks,

and the list goes on.

But almost nobody knows

that they've invented

one of the most revolutionary

artifacts in mankind:

the bellows.

It is a simple device.

With a movement, you capture air...

and then you expel it with

a great deal of pressure.

It is like an air pump :

breath in, spit out.

That gave me an idea

to recover the ring.

The ring came down the breather

pipe of the reservoir tank.

The house has water

thanks to this tank...

which, by means of a pump,

supplies the above ground tank...

this sends water to the two

circuits of internal pipelines.

By disabling

one of the two circuits...

and by forcing the pump

of the above ground tank...

the whole content of the

reservoir tank will be absorbed

by the above ground tank

and then distributed

through the house's pipelines.

If I close down all the stopcocks

of the circuit except one tap...

the whole content of the circuit

will go out of that tap...

including the ring.

Quite simple.

Aren't you going to dance?

No, Lala, I'm not.

I claim my right to remain still.

-That's how you have fun?

-No, how could I?

We surely have different ideas

of what having fun means.

Do you want me to tell you

what I see?

Go ahead.

I see a group of people

awfully dressed.

That struggle to keep that

strange idea of happiness.

They believe that,

by dancing that rhythm

which is blurry related to music...

they redeem themselves

from their mediocre and dull life.

Stand back a bit.

You'll see that it is a pathetic show.

The peeping tom.

The b*tch.

The touchy one.

The repressed girl.

The drunken one.

The cool ugly one.

The dancer.

The diva.

And my favorite one

the masturbator photographer.

And then you have

the bride and groom.

If they believe love lasts forever,

they are naive.

If they don't,

and this is what I believe...

they are a couple of impostors.

The party allows them

to take off their masks.

Is that so? And who are you?

I'm no one.

I'm no one. I'm just

a critical spectator, like you.

-So?

-Nothing.

-Come with me.

-Where to?

-Leonora's ring is inside this tank.

-Do you want me to go in?

No... it is hermetically sealed.

It came down the breather pipe.

I saw its broken top.

I will force the pump

of the above ground tank...

to increase the water pressure

of the pipelines.

I have to close all the stopcocks

of circuit one.

But I have no f***ing idea

where they are.

Could this be of use?

Wow.

I can't believe how much

they are eating.

Look... the petit fours are ready.

It seems as if they haven't eaten

in the whole week.

These are a bit dry.

-Oh, I'll take one almond.

-Go ahead.

-You're working hard.

-Oh, yes.

A smoke, thanks.

The girlfriend is too hot.

Too hot.

But the groom is so dumb.

Extremely dumb.

A pretty f***ing dumb boy.

The stupid ones always get

the pretty girls.

-Do you have a light?

-No. I don't.

Isn't this the kitchen?

What? She's here with me.

I'll put her on.

Hello!

Adrin, do you copy?

This well is filled up

with strange things.

I can't find anything.

I've found a spatula, a padlock...

Do you copy?

Adrin?

Adrin, this is Fede. Over.

Hello. I'm on my way.

Be careful.

How are you, grandpa?

My prostate.

What happened with Chuchi?

Nothing happens with her.

That's the problem.

It's been over 30 years since

the last time it happened.

-Is there something wrong?

-No... what could be wrong?

-Do you need money? Here.

-No. I don't.

Here you go.

Where will you go

for your honeymoon?

We're going to China.

I'm going on a business trip,

we'll kill two birds with one stone.

-Can you get me a joint?

-I don't smoke marijuana... grandpa.

-Why not?

-It makes me paranoid.

It makes paranoid

those who are paranoid.

Don't you have a friend that

might have a little joint?

-Anything natural?

-I'll ask them.

I don't want any of those

pee-smelling Paraguayan joints.

I'll ask them.

-You're an angel.

-No. I'm not.

Do you need help?

-No, thank you.

-Have you lost something?

No... there was a problem

with the pipelines.

But it's almost solved.

I haven't congratulated you

on your marriage.

Thank you.

I suppose it must have been

very hard to convince her.

No. I didn't have to convince her.

She forced me.

Leonora is an amazing woman.

I hope you can live up

to the expectations.

I'll try. If I have a problem,

would you give some advice?

Of course, man... why not?

I know her well.

And I've known her

from a long time.

Yes, that's right.

It was a long time ago.

Leonora is a different person now.

That's a very Heideggerian

idea of the human being.

Listen... Miguel ngel,

I might not be "Socratas"...

I've already noticed.

But I'm not an a**hole either.

And I see what you are doing.

You pretend to be a dandy.

You fondle her.

What do you want?

To get her back?

I didn't know you were so paranoid.

What is this?

A Henry James novel?

I understand.

But you know what?

This conversation between you

and I has no logic.

So I'm going to gently ask you

to get the f*** away.

Are you sure?

If that's what you want.

Am I dead?

No... man, how could you say that?

Do I look like Saint Peter?

-Not you, but he does.

-No.

The problem was that the car

got stuck, and you fainted.

Give me that map.

Oh, God, we went to hell.

Hell. The Devil.

We don't believe in that.

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