My Friend Dahmer Page #3

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Yeah, Ashley just

aggressively rejected me.

That was fun.

What?

I went up to her after...

I went up to her after class.

I was like, so you're in the

lit club, and she's like, yeah.

I'm like, who's your

favorite author?

So goes, James Joyce.

I'm like, yeah I've

read quite a bit.

I said that.

Worst part is, I have to...

I have to shoot her for

the yearbook tomorrow.

She's in the lit club.

You have to shoot her?

I totally forgot

you had to do that.

I've got an idea.

What if we put me

in all the photos?

Like, if we sneak you

into the club pictures?

Uh huh.

Like you're just

in every club.

Yes.

That's the funniest

thing I've ever heard.

I think you might

be a genius Jeff.

- Wait do it...

- you might be a...

...everyone's smiling,

everyone's smiling.

You're gonna be a real...

...it's my picture time.

Wait.

I love it.

Okay, this is everyone

from the rock climbing club,

correct?

Good job, bro.

Ok, looking good.

All right, let me focus.

Ok, come on.

Wait, back up, back up, back up.

Hey Jeff.

Hey.

Ready, smile!

He's not in

national honor society.

Shut your pie hole.

Everybody ready,

one, two, three.

Hey dad, um, I

joined a lot of new clubs.

I think you'd be proud.

That is great news.

This doesn't

belong there.

This.

This doesn't belong here.

Hi kids.

Jesus Christ.

Why do I always

have to do this?

I'm working on that.

Yeah.

Joyce, give that back.

Give it back.

Yo.

Can I put my feet?

Yeah, yeah.

That's the pink footstool.

My formulas

are in there.

I... I got a job.

- My formulas.

- No, look.

- Did you know that?

I'm working in a group therapy.

A group therapy group.

I am finishing

something, please.

I'm not finished.

Hand it over!

I'm not finished!

It's nothing,

they do that a lot.

What did he tell

your parents there, Brian.

Huh?

What did he tell them?

What did Lionel

tell your parents?

What?

You!

What did he tell your parents?

Oh.

The Stevens, he told

the Steven's something.

What did he tell them?

Oh the st...

I'm not as Steven's... the

Steven's are not my parents.

Uh huh.

Sure.

- What did he tell your parents?

- Mom.

- What?

- Mom

- nothing.

- This is derf.

Jesus, Joyce, will you

just leave the kids out of it,

please?

Get off.

I have a job.

I don't need you.

I'm sorry.

That's ok.

Um... I realize I have...

I have to run to

dinner with my parents.

Um, but I'll see you

in school, dahmer.

Yeah.

Don't let fame

go to your head.

I am in charge of

the front desk for them.

Oh yes,

someone hired you to be

- in charge of the front desk.

- Bye sweetheart.

You tell your

parents I said hello.

Did they?

Yes.

Hope you have a great day.

Thanks.

You guys are

here just in time.

Just ended my shift.

Holy hell.

Look at those.

My boss is...

look at those, look at those.

You talk about them like

they're little babies.

They are little babies.

Could you do

something about it?

It's disgusting.

Please.

What's going on?

Do you have any

respect for property?

You need a sense of

decency, young man.

What's your name?

You're gonna have

to pay for that.

Mr... Mr. bakderf.

Is this your doing?

Oh god.

Oh there he is.

Hey.

Oh, sh*t.

Oh.

You get fired?

Almost.

I had to beg him not to fire me.

I told him that I wasn't

part of it,

school and oh my gosh.

We can't do that anymore.

Seriously.

In school we can do it.

It's... teachers are zombies.

But these adults are

going to squash us.

Yeah.

All right.

- That was pretty good though.

- It was great.

Wait, wait.

I know that guy.

Doc... Dr. Matthews,

Dr. Matthews.

Hey.

Hey, Michael.

How are your parents?

Deathly ill.

Wait, what?

What's happened?

Nothing, I'm just

jiving with you.

They're fine.

They're solid as a rock.

They're doing good.

Ok, good.

How's your cough?

Uh, my cough went away,

pretty quickly actually.

It did.

Well that's good to hear.

All right Michael.

Gentlemen.

You boys be good, ok?

Ok.

He runs by my house every

Monday, Wednesday, and Friday.

Ok.

Well he grabs my

balls when I cough.

Beat that, f*ggot.

Shotgun!

Who's over, Jeff?

One of your friends?

No.

I bought it!

What?

- It was only 2000 miles.

- With what?

I financed it, of course.

How?

What do you mean,

I have my name on the...

on the checkbook.

Yeah, right.

I can't... just give

me the checkbook.

You know that was for groceries

and things around the house.

- I can't believe you did this...

- right, right.

Which is why you would have said

no if I wanted to buy the car.

You are taking

that back tomorrow.

Forget it.

Over my dead body.

I bought it.

I need a drink.

It's mine.

Hi honey.

How was school?

School.

Huh.

I like your car.

Well I'll be.

Thank you.

I like it too.

You hear that?

That's a red-eyed vireo.

Or a black-billed cuckoo.

Either way, they, um...

they only nest in the

same spot for one year.

Not entirety.

...That in and

of itself isolates

us from the rest of the world.

It's like a microcosm

of our foreign policy.

You know what I mean?

You're a pseudo-intellectual.

What's up, dahmer.

Hey.

Where's your trumpet?

I quit.

What?

When?

Yesterday.

Are you sure?

Yeah.

Hey, posers.

Hey, Figg.

How's business?

Want me to kick

your f***ing teeth in?

Hey, check it out.

My dad brought it

back from Germany.

Your dad fought the Nazis?

No, he was one.

Cut a Jew's throat with it.

Hey, check it out.

Ok.

Bye Figg.

- All right, Figg.

See ya.

Dahmer.

Come on.

Come on.

Stay away from that kid.

He's a total psycho.

Hey, so where's that spot?

Up here further.

All right,

well we're gonna have

to find an animal then, huh?

Here.

Hold this.

Here, try it.

We're hunting "wabbits."

- It's duck season.

- Wabbit season.

I swiped it from my

dad he doesn't need it.

He just used it to

f***ing threaten

my mom for no f***ing reason.

So it's mine now, you know?

F*** him.

You know they shut

the water off at my house.

Last week.

I'm sorry.

Yeah.

Here.

Your turn.

No.

Come on.

No guns.

Aw.

Come on.

Truman shared

the same view of politics

as James Madison,

150 years earlier.

How so?

Mr. dahmer.

So glad you could join us.

What

the hell is he doing?

Go ahead Scott.

Do you smell that?

Yeah.

He reeks.

Ok, people.

Permission slips for next

week's Washington DC trip

are due on my desk tomorrow.

Every parent must sign one.

It sucks being a virgin.

Guys, I want to get in a puss.

Dahmer.

You wanna see my drawing?

Sure.

It's you as king Kong on

the Washington monument.

That's not just a large wang.

The most phallic symbol

in our nation's capitol.

The Washington monument.

Our fan club has to

make our mark on DC.

Let's spazz on

the white house lawn.

No.

We can't get on

the white house lawn.

Dahmer, they have like, fences.

Wait, I have an idea.

Charlie.

Charlie, hey.

So, we were thinking, since

you're the token black

in our class, why don't you try

and use Neil's super-8 camera

and we can film you

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