My Friend Irma Page #9

It's just that your son has so much money

that she is drawn to him like a maggot.

A maggot?

Of course, I don't blame Jane

for being blinded by gold...

- because you know how it glitters.

- Oh, yes.

But I don't think it's right for her

to marry Richard...

just so she can get the alimony

so she can marry Steve.

Steve?

Yes, that's her other boyfriend,

the one she really loves.

Who, Al, Steve, or Richard?

Please, Mrs. Rhinelander,

that would be bigamy.

I just don't know what to say.

The problem's yours.

I just thought I'd tell you everything...

so you'd know what to do, so I'll tell you.

I'd just tell Richard to forget all about Jane.

Goodbye, I'm off.

No more, thank you.

You were most generous the first time.

- Henry.

- Yes, madam.

- Short grapefruit juice.

- Right.

Seymour. Fill it up.

Fill it up. What's the matter with you?

If you ain't gonna smile,

it's not a pleasure to work with you.

- Dry up.

- What kind of an attitude is that to take?

Just because you lost your dame...

- you think the world is coming to an end.

- Shut up.

Well, do you have to walk around

with a face like that?

You gonna shut up or not?

I can talk if I wanna.

This is a free country...

and I got a perfect right to squawk, too.

Yesterday, I was on the road

to becoming a star. Now I'm back at this.

I didn't mind squeezing oranges and lemons,

but the boss had to put in grapefruits.

What's gonna happen

when he puts in watermelons?

I won't have a hand left. I'll have a paddle.

- Seymour.

- What?

That'll keep you quiet.

- Steve? Gee, Steve, I'm glad I found you.

- Why?

Excuse me.

Steve, Jane sent me.

She's crying her heart out for you.

- That's not the way Al told it to me.

- Don't pay any attention to Al.

Look, Steve, I know Jane. We're like sisters.

Of course, we're not under the same skin,

but we're very close.

- She's crazy about you, Steve.

- But she likes Park Avenue better.

No, she broke up with Richard. She sent me

to tell you she wants to see you tonight.

- You're not kidding?

- No.

You come to the house tonight and find out.

When you get married,

you can name your first child after me.

Of course, if it's a boy,

you'll have to call it Mr. Peterson. Goodbye.

- Miss Stacey?

- Yes?

I'm Mrs. Rhinelander.

- Richard's mother?

- Yes.

Oh, I...

- Won't you come in?

- Thank you.

- Won't you sit down?

- Thank you.

Now, Miss Stacey,

I'll come right to the point.

I believe you have a certain

Miss Peterson living here with you.

You can imagine, Miss Stacey,

how horrified I was...

- when your roommate told me...

- Jane, I fixed...

Fixed... It's the wrong apartment.

I live on another block.

Irma, my little pigeon, you're trembling.

What's the matter?

Professor, I'm sick.

Have you got an ice bag?

Certainly. You think Mrs. O'Reilly

gives me a deep freeze?

We'll take the bottle of milk off,

you'll wear on your head.

Well, that clarifies matters.

Now, Miss Stacey,

knowing Richard and having met you...

I can see why he's interested in you.

But I understand from your roommate

that he's...

Well, as I was saying...

I understand from your roommate that

there's another young man, Steve, involved.

- Well...

- But naturally you find Richard more...

- attractive because of his money.

- Mrs. Rhinelander...

are you trying to imply that

I got the job as Richard's secretary...

so that I could marry my wealthy boss?

- That's ridiculous.

- Not at all...

- and I know.

- How?

Miss Stacey,

I was Richard's father's secretary.

- But you married him, didn't you?

- Yes.

But I was in love with him.

Good night, Miss Stacey.

Irma? Irma Peterson,

I know you're up there.

Come down here this minute.

Do you hear me?

Well, Jane, what's new?

- There are a few things I want to talk...

- Jane, can't you see I'm sick?

Jane, I'm sick. I feel terrible.

Don't give me that sick act,

because by the time I'm through with you...

you'll have a relapse.

How dare you interfere in my life

and call on Mrs. Rhinelander?

But, Jane, I was only trying to help you.

You've been helping me ever since

we moved in together, and pretty soon...

I'll be beyond help.

What can I say after I say I'm sorry?

Well, I'm sorry

I ever moved in here with you.

Irma Peterson, listen to me.

You and I are through.

Our friendship is at an end.

- But Jane...

- And don't "but Jane" me.

I'm going out with Richard tonight

if he'll still see me, and when I get back...

if you're still living here,

I'm going to move to the YWCA.

But, Jane, are you a member?

I'll join.

Soaking wet outside. Chicken...

how could you buy a crazy hat like that?

- Oh, Al.

- Chicken, you're crying. What's happened?

- You didn't lose your job?

- No, Al.

You had me scared for a minute.

Chicken, don't worry about anything

because our future has never been brighter.

As a matter of fact,

with Jane about to hook Richard...

might be a double wedding.

Al, you don't understand.

Jane doesn't want me

to live with her anymore.

What?

Jane refuses to live with the sweetest...

most wonderful girl in the world?

Why?

Just because I went to Mrs. Rhinelander

to break up Jane and Richard.

You went to Mrs. Rhinelander?

Why, you...

Chicken, didn't I tell you to do nothing?

- But I thought...

- With what? Who told you to think?

- But Jane really loves Steve.

- Who's talking about love?

Ain't bad enough I lost my meal ticket...

you had to burn down the bank.

Well, this is the end.

A wife is supposed to help her husband

in sickness and health.

I'm sick of you, and if I stick around,

you'll ruin my health...

so you and I are through.

Our engagement is off.

Here's the engagement ring you bought me.

Irma?

Irma?

Stop playing games, honey. I didn't mean it.

Come back in. Jane loves you.

Are you sure? Because I just got

a phone call from my mother.

Well, that was just some of Irma's work.

She thought that...

I don't care what Irma thought.

I don't care what my mother thinks.

Look, Jane. I'm only interested

in what you think about me.

Richard, need you ask?

Yes, because I want to find out about

this fellow, Steve. Where does he fit in?

- He doesn't.

- Are you sure?

Yes, I'm sure. I'm through with him.

- I'll never see him again.

- Oh, Jane.

I know this is a little fast,

but ever since you came to work for me...

I've been wanting to tell you that...

Jane, honey.

- Steve, what are you doing here?

- I'm so glad you sent for me.

That's cozy, but what about me?

- You?

- Yes, me.

I happen to have a date with Jane tonight.

- What goes on here?

- Yes, Jane, what does go on here?

- Well, I just don't know what to say.

- Well, I know what to do.

- Steve, how dare you hit Richard?

- It was easy.

- Richard, how dare you hit Steve?

- It was simple.

What goes on here?

Steve, my favorite client.

Been looking all over for you.

Demand to know who started this trouble.

I'm glad you asked that, Al. You did.

Richard, are your teeth all right?

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