My Man Is a Loser Page #12

Really?

- Do you want me to...

- No.

I'll get it as soon as

I can make a full rotation.

In the mean time,

I think I'm just going to kiss you.

In this position.

Hey-

Listen, I'm sorry.

It's too late. I just came to

get my check and that's that.

We don't need

to discuss it.

Clarissa, listen to me, hear me out.

- I completely...

- Mike, stop!

Trust me, this is for the best.

We can't work together and have this

tension and pretend that we don't...

It's too much. I'm sorry.

I admit it, Clarissa. I admit it.

I was immature, what I did at the club.

It was stupid.

You're in your 40s.

Who still fights in their 40s?

Well, George Foreman made a comeback.

It's not a joke to me! It's not. Okay?

I'm outta here.

And good luck with this place.

I hope you save it.

A lot of people will miss it if you don't.

Hey, what's up? What's the emergency?

- You ruined the deal, Mike.

- You f***ed us good, Mike.

- I mean you f***ed up!

- F***.

Damn, I'm sorry. You know what,

I knew I shouldn't have taken...

Mike, we're kidding.

The Australians called this morning.

The deal's done.

We closed the deal!

Your two best friends

just sold their company for real money!

F***, yeah!

I told you the Australians like

that rough- and- tumble stuff.

And I told you they were maniacs.

You wanna give it to him, or should I?

You do it.

No, let me do it. No, you do it.

What?

Hey, Mike...

Thank you, for real.

What is this, hush money?

No.

That's "We're fine,

now go take care of your own life" money.

Seriously, Mike, we're good.

Go take your own advice.

Everything's great at home with us.

Lianne's cuddling me so much,

I pulled my shoulder

out of the socket the other night.

- Guys, I can't take your money.

- Mike.

- I'm all right. I'm all right.

- Mike.

Go handle your business. Seriously.

Thank you. gulls-

Thank you.

Sometimes immaturity can work for you.

Goldbam co- founders incite a riot in a club

and the result is

the biggest sale in marketing history.

I'm gonna buy, like, that section.

All right, that's cool.

I'm going to buy Tribeca and the Knicks.

Okay, that sounds good.

I'll take Soho and the Giants.

F*** it. I'm gonna buy

the Bronx Zoo and free the monkeys.

Hey, that's good. Yeah, man.

- What am I gonna do?

- What are you gonna do, man?

I'm gonna have an eagle, and an entourage.

That's cool. I'm gonna have a helicopter.

- Yeah?

- And I'm gonna just fly into the city.

And I'm just gonna, like,

land on Sixth Avenue.

F*** it. Every day.

Give me your helicopter phone number.

And I'm gonna buy

Derek Jeter's phone book.

I might start wearing a cape.

- F*** it. Why not?

- Yeah.

Hi, Clarissa, it's me, Mike. And...

I'll try to make this brief because...

I'm not really good

at this type of thing, but...

Well, Clarissa you blindsided me.

And it's all your fault.

Sh*t, that didn't come out right.

I think what I mean to say is that...

That I have feelings for you,

and it's pissing me off.

Sorry, that's... That's not right either.

I think... I just...

I've never felt this before. And...

I don't know how to react.

I don't know what to do.

I think what I'm trying to say is that I

haven't had these feelings in a long time,

and I'm trying to make sense out of it.

But it's sort of throwing my game off.

You know, I mean,

not that I'm playing games, because

that would be like, f***, I mean, sh*t...

I mean, f***, sorry,

I shouldn't cuss on your thing. But...

All right, I guess,

what I am trying to say is that...

Listen, we're having this party,

celebration at the bar tonight

and things are going really well,

and it's sort of like a grand re- opening.

And I would love it if you would come,

and if you don't come, I totally understand

but it would be great if you come because

I think that I'm falling

in love with you...

F***! I mean...

Sh*t, f***, sorry. I...

This is Mike, bye.

This is New York City,

the most populous city

in the United States.

8.2 million people,

4. 72 million people of which are married.

One of which is not me. Why?

Ask somebody else.

Well, I'm going to sing a song that

I loved as a kid by REO Speedwagon, and...

I guess, sis, this is for you.

And for you, Lianne.

And all my friends out there.

And a little bit for myself.

Can I just say something first, if! may?

A few days ago we all went to a comedy club

and this comic said something that...

It was so simple and so perfect,

but I haven't been able to forget it.

He said, "Love the flaws.''

Just love the flaws.

And if you're lucky enough to find love,

and you know when it hits you, because

it knocks you on your ass,

you have to respect it.

You have to cherish it.

And you have to fight for it.

Fight through it.

And maybe even have a

little fun on the ride.

I think that's what I learned.

I hope it's not too late.

So you figured that you've got it

All figured out

He's a sweet- talking stud

who can melt a girl's heart with his pout

All right, Mike.

He's the kind of lover

that the ladies dream about

Oh, yes, he is

He's got plenty of cash

He's got plenty of friends

He drives women wild

And he drives off in a Mercedes- Benz

He's got a long wick

With a flame at both ends

But don't let him go

Just give him a chance to grow

Take it easy, take it slow

But don't let him go

Don't let him go

Don't let him go

Don't let him go

Don't let him go

Shares of marriage went up this week

as couples everywhere

learned that loving the flaws

may be the answer they

were all looking for.

Fortunately for you,

there is only three, three paths.

Hers, yours.

and yours and hers together.

See? There, there it is!

I've been path- f***ed!

What kind of thing is that to say out loud?

Sorry.

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