Mystery Science Theater 3000: The Movie Page #2

when are they gonna fill that in?

Hey, his legs are sticking out!

Ricola!

I'm so lost!

Keanu Reeves in

My Own Private Airfield.

Hello, can I see your pass,

sir... ah... whatever.

Putting the men's room in the tower,

what was I thinking?

2XD341, calling

Ryberg Control tower. Come in.

2XD341, this is Ryberg

Control tower. Go ahead.

O.K. to come in, Webb?

Are you decent?

All clear, Cal. Drift south

about 20 miles per hour.

Hi, Webb.

what's Cal's ETA?

- 1410, but he's late

- Half an hour late.

That's my boss.

The only guy in the world

who can travel by jet and still be late.

Duh, I made a funny,

heh heh.

- Where are you?

- Look out the window.

Look out,

President Clinton!

Maverick!

Could I love him more?

Ah damn, I spilled my

Big Gulp.

Should we be seeing this?

Nothing! Nothing!

Cal, what's wrong?

I have no control.

I keep eating and eating!

Cut loose, Cal! Bail out!

I can't. I'm too low.

I've got the blues so bad,

uh huh.

Jerking around must have caused a flameout.

No power.

No nothing!

No Tickee!

No Shirtee!

Green Acres!

Well, suddenly I have

a refreshing mint flavor.

Early LSD tests in the

Air Force.

This is a job for

Weenie-man!

Eat at Joe's. Eat at Joe's.

Eat at Joe's.

Wow, they're ringing!

Now he knows what the world sounds

like to Pete Townshend.

Into the Weenie-mobile.

Weenie-man away!

I'd like to thank me

for flying me Airways.

- Uh, there's a green switch.

It was there all the time! - D'oh!

G.I. Joe action-set.

Nerdy Joe not included.

- Cal, you okay?

- Okay.

What happened?

How'd you bring it in?

- I didn't. Couldn't.

- I died.

- What do you mean you didn't?

- Controls went out.

- Huh?

- That's right. No controls, no power.

The plane died up there.

- I should be dead.

- Did you bring me a toy?

Cal, I know everybody's

seeing flying saucers

and screwy

lights up in the sky.

Well, you can put me

in the booby hatch too,

because, so help me, I saw this ship

turn a bright green up there.

- Are you sure, Joe?

- Positive.

- Did you hear anything?

- Yes.

A high-frequency howl, very high,

all the time your ship was

- Green?

- Green?

- Did Webb see it?

- Unless he's blind.

- Check him.

- Right.

Oh, and, Joe,

until we find out what happened,

all three of us were blind.

I'll go pop Webb's eyes out.

So, was being green fun?

- Okay, I don't wanna talk about it anymore.

- I was just wondering, I mean...

- I've always wanted to...

- No. Shut up.

- How's the little giant? - Growing up.

Getting ready to astound the world.

Let's take a look.

I figured that.

She's all ready and waiting.

Wow, that's one hell of a

View-Master.

Oh yeah, this is when science

didn't have to have any specific purpose.

Lowering the cylinder.

Inserting the

breakfast pastry.

The secret government Eggo project.

Contact Dr. Jemima.

I love the blueberrie ones best.

- Increase the rate of reaction.

- Start warming the syrup.

Yum.

Check rate of

radioactive decay.

Increase the Flash Gordon noise

and put more science stuff around.

Positive. Same it was

the whole week you were away.

- What did the committee say?

- Oh, they were a little excited.

A little!

Oh my god, my waffle!

Oh, the humanity!

Fries are up!

Oh no,

you're flooding it!

Zero reading.

- The X-C condenser must have shorted

out again. - Get the spare.

- Burned out yesterday!

- Oh, we can't have nice things!

Our liquorice ice cream cones melted!

And don't ask me why I didn't

order some new ones. I did.

X-C condensers in an envelope?

Must be a gag dreamed up

by the receiving department.

I ordered two X-C condensers,

and supreme equipment sent me these beads.

He touched me!

You say they're a gag,

but they're condensers.

I checked one for capacity

and voltage on the meter.

- And blew it to bits.

- Yeah,

After it held to 33.000 volts

and no leakage.

Where's my gun?

If that were true,

we could build a generator,

One that would supply electric power

to run an entire factory.

Sort this, deliver that.

I'll make 'em all pay!

Ah, the script has

finally arrived!

- Morning. - Morning.

- Sign here.

Wilt Chamberlain.

- I don't like you.

- Thank you.

Oh, my Niels Bohr swimsuit

calendar has arrived!

- What have you got?

- I don't know! There's no return address.

Oh, I hope

it's my lederhosen.

How do they get blow up

one day in here.

"Electronics service,

Unit no. 16."

Give to daddy.

Well, I'll read this

on the crapper.

"A catherimine tube with

an endiom complex of +4."

- What are they talking about?

- I don't know, but this outfit has them.

This isn't paper.

It's some kind of metal.

No sir, that's paper.

"Interocitor incorporating

planetary generator."

"Interocitor with volterator...

with astroscope."

Hey, Ms. Interocitor.

- Here's something my wife could

use in the house: - A man?

"An interocitor incorporating

an electron sorter."

Although she'd probably gain 20 pounds

while it did all the work for her.

Cal, you b*tch!

According to this, there's

no limit to what it can do.

Laying a four-lane highway at a mile

a minute would be a cinch.

Cal, maybe we've

been working too hard.

"Complete line of

interocitor parts...

incorporating greater advances than

hitherto known in the field of electronics."

- Look, there's Waldo!

- What exactly is an interocitor?

I don't know,

and I don't want to know.

- Just love me!

- Well, I do.

I want to know what it is

and what it does.

And if I can break it.

- Order the list of parts on these pages.

- How we gonna build it?

These symbols they're like

a foreign language.

And I'm hungry!

Anyway, we don't know the address.

You ordered the condensers

from supreme by teletype.

Yeah.

Which means that somebody intercepted

that order and sent us those beads.

Here, try it again.

You're too darn smart.

And handsome!

I may be the dumbest man who

ever walked this Earth, Joe.

No argument here.

Ah, been ordering from the

Adam and Eve collection again, hmm.

Joe, I'm one of these boxes.

Find me!

Here's the invoice.

No charge and no address.

Listen to this:
"No interocitor part

can be replaced.

Bear this in mind

while assembling."

Use only genuine interocitor parts.

Well, let's

start unpacking.

Cal, are you gonna work

naked again?

There, it's done.

What do you think?

But before unpacking...

D'oh!

There's 2,486 parts.

2845, sir.

Each part is cross-indexed

into a symbol pattern.

Shouldn't be too hard at all.

Sure. A snap, maestro.

Only, uh, where do we start?

Right here.

At goofy clown face.

Industry, science and

technology!

Big men putting

screwdrivers into things...

turning them, and adjusting them!

Build your own

atom storage box!

Bringing you state-of-the-art

in soft serve technology!

Pulls off caps of any size jug,

bottle, or jar!

And it really,

really works.

You know what

my kids would say:

- You're not my real father!

- "Dig this crazy, mixed-up plumbing."

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