Mystery Science Theater 3000: The Movie Page #3

Plug it in, Joe.

We'll see what happens.

He doesn't even have kids.

Poor, deluded Joe.

Oh, please, say we can get the Sci-Fi

channel. Please, oh please, oh please...

Look at this. Uh.

Comes with a Garth Brooks CD.

- Now what do I do?

- Clear your screen, please.

Okaay, Dr. Goofy!

You... can hear me?

- Of course.

- Duh.

Use the intensifier disk,

the one in your hand.

Any time, Einstein!

Place it in position

on your right.

Now, throw it at

Joe really hard!

This... tss... uh...

thing... goes on the what's-this here.

Now turn the control

18 degrees to the left.

17. One more. Wait, back.

Oh! Well, that works too.

It's the amazing Technicolor

cheese wedge!

Nanoo nanoo!

You have successfully accomplished

your task, Dr. Meacham.

You've assembled an interocitor,

a feat of which few men are capable.

- Who are you?

- I'm called Exeter.

Doug Exeter.

I'm a scientist, like yourself.

Shall we say a... a colleague.

My colleagues don't materialize out of

strange machines. They're flesh and blood.

And so am I, Dr. Meacham,

as I hope you'll soon find out.

- Grrr. Grrr. - ...although I admit

at the moment, I do appear immaterial.

But no matter.

I represent a group which is seeking

scientists of exceptional ability.

Do you know any?

All prospects must pass an aptitude test,

which you've just done.

- Damn... where do I control... damn, jees.

- ...only I don't remember applying for any job.

You didn't

I beg your pardon, Mr. Wilson.

Your camera will pick up

nothing but black fog.

Oh, it's a Goldstar!

Images on the interocitor

don't register on film.

- Put it away, Joe.

- Go lie down.

To continue,

Dr. Meacham,

We test out people without their knowledge.

We leave nothing to chance.

Except the chance that I'm

not interested in you or your group.

Come, come, doctor. It's not possible

that a man of your scientific curiosity...

wouldn't want to find out

who I am, where I come from,

If I have pants on.

Wouldn't give his right arm for more

examples of our superior technical knowledge.

I think I can assume, Dr. Meacham,

that you're sufficiently...

intrigued to come to an immediate decision.

We'd like you to join our... team,

as you might say, at once.

You'll make arrangements

to leave immediately.

Wait a moment.

I didn't say

At 5:
00 Wednesday morning, our plane

will land at your field.

It will wait exactly

five minutes and then depart.

Whether I'm aboard or not?

Nanoo.

Hi there.

Place the catalog on

that table with the blueprints.

Open it to the

underwear section. Yes!

Alright, I'll do it,

you big-headed freak.

Is this metal?

I got a bet with Joe.

Now stand aside, please.

You too, Mr. Wilson.

No, farther towards the

Kill Zone, please.

Yeah. God, I'm good.

Dear God, I left

the iron plugged in!

Come here, you big

dumb dope.

Quick! Get the

baking soda!

Well, Cal, there's nothing

left for you to break!

Boy, the landlady's

gonna be mad!

- Are you boys cooking up there?

- No!

- Are you making an interocitor?

- No!

- You okay?

- Okay.

- Within reason.

- If there is any reason around here.

What with all the shenanigans and

goings-on.

Now that you have exploded,

any words for our listeners?

There's no reading now.

- Cal.

- Yes, Joe?

I just like saying "Cal."

- Whoever that Exeter is, i don't like him.

- Don't you, Joe?

- That's 'cause you're a puss.

- What? What?

Hey!

He was right about one thing.

I look good on a beret.

I'm gonna be on that plane.

Oh, hey wait,

what's that! Alright.

- Let's get out of here!

- This will take a while.

Ah! Minor film break.

Happens all the time.

I know exactly

what to do.

My plan for breaking Mike's will, by making him

watch this horrible movie, continues as planned.

I should be ruling the world by, uh,

6:
00, 6:30 at the latest...

That Cal fella, what a maroon!

Who'd be stupid enough to give him

a laboratory or let him fly a jet?

- I like Joe.

- Yeah, and if it were me flying that baby,

and I had a low altitude

flameout like that,

I'd just reduce my elevators, dip the nose

and fire up the engines.

- You don't know how to fly!

- Sure I do!

I'm fully instrument-rated for

Microsoft Flight Simulator.

- Well then you fly the Satellite of Love?

- Yeah.

What, this thing?

No, I can't do that, see,

'cause...

It's not the same, there's no air foil so

there's no ability to turn when you're up in the...

All right, all right. Fine, you two.

Spread out, spread out.

What do ya do with a drunken sailor,

early in the morning! Hay-ho and up she

Okay out baby, out.

Well don't come crying to me

when you get us all killed!

Yeah, right.

Let's see here.

Hey, this is going to be

easier then I thought.

- Help!

- Hey Mike, you hit something!

It's the hubble!

You killed the hubble!

- Gypsy, could you please get that

- Uh huh. No way!

This is you're dishwashing liquid!

You soak in it!

Ah! Ah! The manipulator arm!

The manipulator arm!

- Carefully... carefully... wait...

- That's it! That's it!

- It's only 6 billion dollars. Remember.

- Hope you're insured, Mike!

It's only the most expensive

satellite ever built.

Near. Very fragile.

No, wait. Very fragile.

Better leave a note

on the windshield, Mike.

Back up, and slow again.

Wait. Don't.

Don't do that!

Sorry. It's...

Now, I'm just gonna release it gently,

like a sparrow into the night sky.

Good night, sweet Hubble.

And a flight of angels

sing thou to thy rest.

Oh, good one, Mike.

But, how could it do that?

It couldn't possibly...

Oh, great, and now

we have Movie Sign.

Go on. I'll take care of this.

- Mike broke the hubble!

- Boys.

Mike broke the hubble!

Put me on intermittent, Joe.

- Cal, won't you reconsider?

- I did... all night.

Didn't you hear me?

And, as a committee of one, I

came to a series of decisions...

at exactly

the fifth cup of coffee.

I had to pee.

One:
Whatever scientific knowledge

this Exeter character has,

should be

in our textbooks.

Two:
Joe Wilson,

my able assistant,

knows enough about a certain experiment

to carry on without me for awhile.

I'm not sure of that, Cal.

Look, Joe, my committee decided

I'm expendable.

- Nothing you can say will change that.

- You always were an obstinate

Oh, well,

I'm not worried.

Not even a moth equipped with a lightning bug

could fly in here this morning.

So no plane is

You know, all the problems of a

hunky guy and a wormy sidekick...

...don't amount to a hill of beans

in this crazy world.

Hey, it's a moth equipped

with a lightning bug!

- Let go of my hand, Joe.

- He made it!

Well, I don't like long goodbyes.

There's a letter for you on the end table.

Joe? Joe? Watch out

for the prop, Joe...

I'll understand if you

assist other scientist, Joe...

Scram, Lumpy.

Hello, Mr. Magic plane passengers.

Hello, it's outside... hello?

Ironically, they

overbooked the flight.

How about rustling me up

a drink, sweet cheeks? Hello?

I'm your pilot, Claude Rains;

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes