Mystery Team Page #8

I need proof.

[sputtering]

[beep]

Kelly.

Kelly, come in, Kelly.

Robert is dangerous.

I repeat,

Robert is dangerous, okay?

You have to believe me.

Do not go home.

I'm going to Holden & Charles

right now to get...proof.

If you are in a situation

where you cannot respond,

just-- just beep twice,

okay?

[beep beep]

[chanting]

...hey, ho, ho.

Corporate greed

has got to go.

Hey, hey, ho, ho.

Corporate greed

has got to go.

Okay, Jason, this is it.

You have to be

more convincing

than you've ever been before.

Hello.

I am Juan Ranch-huevos,

the Mexican plumber.

I've come

to fix your pipes.

Nice.

Hey. What are you drinking?

Uh, chocolate milk.

Ha ha. Me, too.

Two bourbons.

Name's Jim.

Medical Technologies.

What division you in?

Uh, I'm in

the lumber division.

Lumber? This party's

in your honor, man.

I'll drink to that.

Mmm.

[hawking]

[cough, burp]

You all right?

Yeah, I'm-- I'm fine.

Two more.

[hawking]

Ohh!

Yeah.

Yeah, it's like gasoline.

I love it.

Good. Good gasoline.

I want you

to meet my friends.

Frankie.

Come here, come here.

This is, uh...

Uh, Juan.

Juan, Frank.

This guy's hilarious.

[raspberry]

Let's get some shots

over here.

Yeah, buddy.

No, no. I got to go.

Juan, you are the life

of the party, man.

You must be a real

snatch magnet.

Yeah.

What does that mean?

Guy good with the ladies.

Who's your lucky lady?

Oh. No one.

Uh, there's--

there's a girl named Kelly.

Oh, Kelly-belly!

Shut up, Frank.

This is why your marriage

is such a mess.

She's really something.

It's just I'm--

I'm no good with girls.

Oh, you're whipped.

[imitating whip cracking]

Frank.

Sometimes I wish you didn't

beat that cancer.

I really do.

Funny guy,

but damn, you know?

You going to talk

to this girl or what?

Oh...

I-- I can't do that.

Yeah. You can. Okay?

Don't be like me.

I had a girl like that

back in college,

but I never told her

how I felt.

Now I'm with that

fat piece of sh*t.

I love you, too.

Heartless badger.

Listen to me.

Tell her you love her.

Don't end up like me.

I'm pretty sad.

You are-- You are

absolutely right.

Absolutely right.

I'm going to tell her

how I feel.

You do it.

I will.

You do it.

First I got to solve

a mystery.

What?

Uh, you're not

supposed to know that.

What are you talking

about, Juan?

I'm going to solve a mystery.

[cough]

Iphedolene-treated wood.

What in the H-E-triple

hockey sticks is this?

Duncan? Charlie?

My best friends.

How'd you guys

get in the office?

We pushed the door

open.

Push? Of course.

Boy genius,

ladies and gentlemen.

Are you drunk?

I'm a little buzzed, yeah.

You smell like Dad.

How'd you guys

know I was here?

We heard you

talking about Robert

on the walkie.

It sounded like

you were in danger,

and Charlie wanted

to come get you.

I guess he has

a soft spot for idiots.

We heard the old

"two beeps if you're

in trouble" signal.

[beep beep]

Did you guys

hear that?

Who else has one

of those? Kelly?

Is Kelly here?

No.

[gun c*cks]

Robert!

Robert!

Henry!

Robert. Darn.

Iphedolene is toxic.

You were going to put

hundreds of people

in this town out of work

so you could treat your wood

with cheap stuff

that kills people?

Well, you, sir,

are a grade A crumb-bum.

Are you drunk?

I'm a little buzzed, yeah.

Hand it over.

Whoa. Hi.

You guys are hiding

on your wives, too, huh?

Ha! Just kidding.

Uh, I'll go piss

somewhere else.

Hey!

I'm holdin' my Charles.

[urinating]

Holdin' my Charles.

[laughing]

I'll clean it up.

We're going to have

to wait him out.

I'm sorry.

I'm-- I'm sorry that I said

you guys weren't my friends.

I mean...

you guys

just saved my life,

and only true friends

and hero dogs do that.

I just--

I just thought that if we

weren't detective together,

we wouldn't be

together at all.

You guys are all I have.

It's just...

being with you guys...

is the only time I don't

feel like a weirdo.

I mean, I was just mad

because you guys were

making me grow up,

and I--

I guess what I'm

trying to say is...

I need to figure out myself

before I figure out

a mystery.

That's beautiful.

Did you just make that up?

Yes.

Yes, I did.

It feels good.

Yeah, it does, right?

Feels really good.

The coast is clear.

Hey, Juan.

Hey, Jim.

I'm kind of in a hurry.

I don't want

to hold you up, man.

I just want to give you

a card.

If you ever want to get

out of the lumber

business game,

that's me.

I'll give you a leg up.

Okay. Thanks.

I got to go, too.

Old Frank's going

to sh*t in the punch bowl

as a goof.

Oh.

Oh, hey, dude,

you tell Kelly

your feelings for her.

Promise.

I promise.

Don't let life p--

Promise.

I-- I promise.

Okay. Drive safe.

Okay.

All right, Frank. Ready?

Hey, I'm sorry about

what I said about Kelly

when you guys

were in the closet.

By the way, how was that?

I'm going to be honest.

I think we had sex.

[Kelly]

Ow. Help.

Kelly?

[Robert]

Come to the lumber yard.

Call the police,

and she dies.

[Robert]

Hello again.

Hi.

How you doing?

Hello.

The document.

What do we do?

Uh, maybe make him

feel guilty.

Then he'll let us go?

Sure did kill a lot of people

just to get your hands

on a measly little document.

I didn't want anyone

to die.

Leroy did that.

Well, Leroy was acting

under your orders, so--

I just wanted him

to scare him.

Peters found out

the stuff was toxic.

He was going to go public

and ruin the company

and me.

More guilt.

Yeah, yeah,

it's working,

it's working.

Yeah, but you killed

Leroy, too, so--

He kept asking for money.

He knew too much.

What now?

Negotiate.

Okay. We'll make you a deal.

We'll give you the documents

if you let us go, okay?

Here are the documents.

Now you have to let us go.

That's the rules.

Go, go, go, go, go.

Those are the rules.

Hands behind your head.

Walk.

We had a deal.

He's going to kill us.

No, Kelly, he is not

going to kill us, okay?

If he was going to kill us,

he'd bring us

to an enclosed space.

Okay, well, I'm sure

that Charlie

can overpower him

because

he's the strongest--

[sobbing]

Okay, well, I'm sure Duncan's

got some sort of fact

that's going to get us

out of this pickle,

right, Duncan?

Did you know that one

out of every one

Duncan Wheelers dies

without ever kissing

a girl?

Okay.

No, I don't

think he will be

killing us, Kelly.

Jason.

Because

he's not a murderer.

What are you doing?

You're not going to kill

a bunch of kids.

I thought you said

we were grown-up detectives

solving grown-up

mysteries.

Hey.

Shut up.

You're going

to get us killed.

He's not going to kill us.

And you know why?

Because deep, deep down,

he is not a murderer.

He's a murderer!

He can do it!

Deep, deep down!

Whoa.

I'm punching you.

Hey, guys,

I'm actually hitting him.

Ahh!

Great gumballs.

[groaning]

It's almost 10.

The police will be here

in a few minutes.

We'll be dead

in a few minutes.

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