Naked Page #3

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You seem like quite a catch.

Listen, I'm not going anywhere

until I get in my room.

I demand...

These gentlemen will be escorting you

off the premises.

I don't care who you get to...

Uh-oh.

Whoo! Whoo! (grunts)

- (woman shrieks)

- Oh, thank God. Housekeeping!

No... (squeals)

Listen. Listen.

I'm supposed to be at my wedding.

I am locked out of my room.

My wallet, my tux, everything's in there.

- Can you please let me in?

- (speaking Spanish)

Listen, I know the Palmetto Hotel

is supposed to be a really nice hotel,

but the service here is unacceptable!

(speaking Spanish)

It's the Mills House Hotel!

Uh-oh. Gracias.

Gracias. De Nada. (screams)

(gasps) Watch it! Move! Oh!

(grunts)

Ooh-ooh! What in the hell is this?

(man) Here comes Abdalla Tanui of Kenya,

rounding the corner

for the final quarter mile.

It's the Cooper River Bridge Run.

Have you been living in a cave?

No, New York.

They have clothes in New York?

Listen, brother, I need to get

to The Palmetto Hotel.

(grunts)

Oh, boy. Okay, okay, okay.

(sighs)

- (screams)

- (grunts)

Bro, that was a microbrew.

I am so sorry.

Oh, excuse me.

- Ah!

- I didn't mean to rub that on you.

Excuse me, sir. Do you have anything

I can wear? I'll take anything.

Excuse me, officers.

I'd like to report a pervert.

- I'm pretty sure that's not a crime.

- Thank God.

No, there's a man standing over there,

and he's completely naked.

Uh-oh.

That would be a crime.

- Damn streakers.

- Let's get to work.

- Let's get dirty.

- Good one.

Forget it! I'll pay you back!

Uh-oh.

(man) Uh-oh.

Looks like we have a newcomer...

who's lost his shorts!

But look at that guy go.

- (cheering and laughing)

- (camera shutters clicking)

(whimpers) Oh, sh*t.

(grunts)

(crowd gasps)

Well, well, well.

Mr. Anderson.

Mr. Ding-a-ling.

Your story checks out.

Your belongings are, in fact,

in room 412 at the Palmetto Hotel.

Thank you. So I can go?

No. You're still being charged

with unlawful entry

and shaking your Johnson at people.

What's your pre-game like?

You stretch beforehand or, you know,

just straight up get wasted?

Sir, I am not a streaker, okay?

I was just trying to get to my wedding.

You've been the victim of a serious crime.

This morning at 3:36 a.m.,

the elevator at The Mills House Hotel

was intentionally damaged,

trapping you inside.

So whoever put you

in there didn't want you to get out.

- Why would someone do that?

- Hey! We ask the questions.

- We here ask the questions.

- Why would somebody want to do that?

That's what we need to figure out.

Do you have any enemies, Rob?

- Somebody opposed to the wedding?

- Maybe a jilted lover?

In-laws you don't get along with?

Maybe somebody who feels,

I don't know, you're immature?

- Unreliable?

- Or both?

Um... Not... not that I know of.

I mean, you know, I mean...

Nobody threw us a party or anything,

but that doesn't mean much, right?

Yeah, okay, listen, guys,

I may be marrying up, okay?

- But I have my moments.

- We've seen your moments.

- Not pretty.

- We love each other.

And that's what counts. Right?

We'll be okay.

I hope we'll be okay.

Let me rephrase the question.

Do you know of anyone else,

other than yourself,

who doesn't think you're ready

to get married?

- No.

- (knock on door)

How's my little Meg-pie?

I've left Rob a dozen messages, Dad,

and nothing.

I'm really worried.

Sweetheart, the candles have burned out,

the doves escaped...

and the aroma down there

is getting... unhealthy.

Well, what are you saying?

Rob wouldn't just run out on me.

Something terrible must've happened.

- Well, maybe it's for the best.

- Are you serious?

He could be dead!

And that would be terrible,

but he'd want you to move on.

Look, sweetheart, I'm just saying

that you have so much to offer.

Thousands, probably millions of people

could make you just as happy.

Megan, what your father is saying

is that you deserve better than this.

You're a successful doctor.

He is a substitute teacher.

It doesn't even make sense.

Cody, you wanted me to leave medicine

so that I could be on-call

- for your stupid work events.

- Hmm.

Rob is actually proud of what I do.

He understands how much it means to me.

Daddy, Rob supports me in every way.

Except financially.

Did I just step into a time warp

and reemerge in the 1950s?

Okay, I just talked to Benny, and he said

that Rob called almost an hour ago.

What? Why didn't he call me?

- Hey, Cody.

- Lupe.

- It's Vicky, but... it's fine.

- (cell phone vibrating)

Hello?

Rob, where are you?

- Well, I've been stuck in an elevator.

- What?

I swear to God, I've been stuck

in an elevator for the last eight hours.

Oh, my God. Are you okay?

Yeah, baby, I'm fine.

I just really wanted your wedding day

to be perfect.

It will be, once you're in it.

How soon can you get here?

Well... funny story!

- I managed to get arrested.

- For what?

Because I may have ran butt-naked

through the Bridge Run.

Rob, I don't understand.

I'm only sharing this with you

because it's gonna be on the news

at five, six, seven and 11.

- (church bells ringing)

- Are you not coming?

Megan, it's gonna be okay. I can fix this.

- Baby, I love you.

- (rumbling)

- Hello?

- Wait, Rob, I can't hear you.

- I said, "I love you!"

- (distorted) Rob?

(gasps)

Hello? Megan, did you feel that?

- Rob!

- What the...

(screams)

- Hello?

- Megan!

I don't know what's happening!

Rob!

(screams)

(grunts)

(man) Hey, did you hear that?

- I think somebody's in there.

- (pounding)

Hello?

(man) Hang on, buddy, were coming!

All right, I think we got it.

(elevator bell dings)

- (man 2) Finally!

- (scattered applause)

(man laughs)

You know what? Screw it. I have been here

for 20 minutes, so...

are you in or out, guy?

She sure looks happy...

(cheering)

That can't be right.

Excuse me, do you have the time?

(phone vibrates)

- This is Benny.

- Benny?

- Rob, where are you, man?

- I'm at the hotel. Where are you?

- I am at the church.

- Still?

What do you mean "still"?

Don't tell me you got cold feet, man.

Benny, where's Megan? Is she still there?

Yes, we're all here. Where are you?

I guess I'm on my way.

Okay, cool. Hey, listen...

- About the programs, I was...

- Negro.

(beeps)

Ah!

Oh, my God, it's Brian McKnight!

- You're naked.

- Yeah, I know. It's crazy, right?

Especially 'cause you're the one

that does the panty-dropping song.

I write love songs,

and I'm kind of struggling with this one,

- so if you don't mind...

- Sorry. Go ahead. Do your process.

Man, I just wanna tell you,

man, I love your music. Oh!

I mean, my fiance,

she really loves your music.

Man, if you only knew

how many times we did it to your songs.

- Oh, man, you would feel creepy right now.

- I get the picture.

Hey, man, let me ask you,

how do you do that thing in the videos,

you know, when you got your shirt open

and your chest is greasy,

and the wind is blowing you,

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