Naked Page #5

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'cause it's so hard.

They start whopping

'cause black girls love to whop.

- Hey! Hey!

- Hey.

Then you show them your flexibility.

You be like... oh! Oh!

Oh! Oh!

After that, we all get in a circle like...

Work that body.

(Rob grunting)

Break it down.

(vocalizing)

Hey, cut that out, man!

You got me up here

doing a Bobby Brown dance.

- (woman) You don't.

- I don't dance!

No, you don't!

Okay, so, I may have missed

a few classes or two.

What you think, baby?

You think his old lady gonna like that?

I think she gonna kick his ass,

messing up that first dance.

It's disrespectful.

I'd like to see that.

- Let's ride!

- Really?

- Get your ass on the bike!

- Hey, but I ain't riding b*tch!

- (man) Who you calling "b*tch"?

- Unless you want me to. (chuckles)

Let's go!

We got this. We got this.

We got it, baby!

(screams)

(grunts) No!

(screams, grunts)

(siren wailing)

(tires screeching)

(screams)

- Okay.

- What happened?

- You hit a barricade at 40 miles an hour.

- Where am I?

- All right, what's your name?

- It's Rob. Rob Anderson.

And, Rob, can you tell me what day it is?

It's my wedding day. It's my wedding day.

I gotta get ready. I'm getting married

right there at that church!

- You're suffering from a concussion.

- No!

The only thing you're marrying today

is a catheter.

- No. I gotta get to my wedding!

- I got a better idea.

You take five more CCs of Ativan.

- No. No. No! (screams)

- Rob!

(winces)

(panting)

I want you to keep reaching out

to shareholders.

Give them what they want,

but do it quietly.

I don't want this getting leaked

before we announce next week.

All right?

(grunting)

Anderson, what happened? Are you drunk?

I'm not drunk.

I'm on drugs.

- Ugh.

- (heaves)

Oh, God. Did you just puke coins?

Would you look at that? A bicentennial.

You know, these are worth a lot of money.

You keep that for me.

I don't get it.

In what world did she pick you over me?

I made a hundred mill last year.

You made a hundred mill?

I should f***ing rob you.

Why are you dressed

like some Vegas housewife,

with your gross, busted up arm?

Seriously, is that thing real?

What are you talking about? This...

(gasping)

- That's pretty broken.

- Yeah, it looks like a Krazy Straw.

It kind of does. Look at...

It's not really a straw.

(laughs)

Watch this.

- Oh, no! No!

- (screams)

(laughs) I can't feel a thing!

You know, that girl has been dreaming

about this day her entire life,

and this is...

(sighs) what you're bringing to the table?

(sobs)

You're so right.

She's not gonna marry me

looking like this.

I just want a hug.

Look, showing up is half the battle.

The other half is pants.

Go home and put some pants on,

for God's sakes. Go! (snaps fingers)

Come on.

Whoa!

I... I see what's going on here.

You want me to waltz on out of here

so that I can miss my wedding, huh?

Oh, yeah, because your little plot...

to leave me trapped inside the elevator...

blew up in your...

Whoo, I am high.

Face.

First of all,

that sounds like a terrible plan,

and second,

I have three women who can confirm

I was in my hotel room

with them all night.

Third, if I wanted to ruin your wedding,

I'd just let you walk in there right now.

(moaning)

Which I just realized

would be absolutely perfect.

- Come on, let's go get you married.

- I don't...

- Here we go.

- I don't wanna get married.

Just gonna walk right in.

- (church bells ringing)

- Wait, hold on! It's the wedding bells!

Ah, thank God!

- (pounding)

- Bye-bye, love

- Bye-bye, happiness

- I need pants.

(elevator bell dings)

- Hey! Call an ambulance!

- Why?

(grunts)

Damn.

Hey!

(grunts)

Ah! (sighs)

- (exhales)

- Yes! Whoo! My man's in the house!

- Come on, everybody, give it up!

- (cheering)

(man shouting) Rob! Rob!

(whispers) Don't ask, just...

These are tight.

- (Ben) What you got on?

- I'm adjusting this.

It goes over to the side. That's weird.

("Bridal Chorus" playing)

- Aw, come on, brother.

- No, just pull it back, pull it down.

- I can't.

- Pull it down. Okay, stop that hurts.

Okay. Just relax.

Yeah, that ain't got room for that. Okay.

I'll be right back.

Aw, baby...

Baby, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry.

I just grabbed

the first thing I could find.

It just needs to be taken out in the back,

just a little bit.

- Oh, I'm gonna take it out in the back.

- (stammers)

(crowd gasps)

Baby, I think we're going to the cleaners.

- Daddy, no!

- (church bells ringing)

(grunts)

(screams)

If you're gonna show up in that,

then don't show up at all.

(screams, grunts)

If you're gonna show up in that,

then don't show up at all.

I've tried everything:

smart corduroy, seersucker,

a Nehru jacket.

- What do you want from me?

- I want you to be somebody else.

Megan is the only daughter I have.

I didn't raise her alone,

put her through medical school

just to watch some lazy, thoughtless loser

come along and screw it up.

Let's face it...

you don't like me because I'm not

a fancy businessman like you or Cody.

I don't dislike you for who you are, Rob.

It's that you have no goals,

no ambition, no career.

I'm a substitute teacher.

Robert, marriage is not a part-time thing.

I built a multinational company

from the ground up,

and the toughest job I ever had

was being a husband.

I'm talking long hours, overtime...

and we didn't take summers off.

When I gave this ring to Megan's mother,

I promised to give her everything I had.

That I'd never stop proving myself to her,

and that I'd never, ever stop loving her.

This ring symbolizes that promise.

It's very simple, son.

You gotta put in the work.

You're just not that guy.

I wish my daughter would see that.

You know, you're really protective

of your daughter.

- There's nothing I wouldn't do for her.

- Nothing?

Not even kidnapping?

What?

Someone...

Someone abducted me

from my hotel room last night

because they didn't wanna see me

at the wedding.

Now, I'm just curious, Mr. Swope,

what's your alibi?

Let me see, Rob.

If I wanted to end your relationship,

I probably would've done it

before blowing my money

on a wedding we didn't even have!

Good point.

(sighs)

- (Cody clapping)

- (church bells ringing)

Nice suit, Favors.

What's that, like, a 40 regular?

40 long.

What are you, a medium?

(laughs)

(church bells ringing)

- (grunts, exclaims) Whoo!

- (car alarm blaring)

Not the Lambo.

(Rob whistling)

Cody.

- Rob, what the...

- I need to borrow your suit.

I already gave you my girl,

I'm not giving you my suit.

You're gonna give me the damn suit.

(shouts)

- (grunts)

- (church bells ring)

- Knee!

- (elevator bell dings)

You're gonna give me that damn suit.

Knee!

(grunting)

- (church bells ringing)

- Oh, yeah!

- (elevator bell dings)

- Knee!

Backhand! Ha ha! Jab?

(church bells ringing)

Oh, yeah!

- (elevator bell dings)

- Left, right, duck!

- (church bells ring)

- (elevator bell dings)

Oh, yeah!

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