Nanny McPhee Returns Page #7

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on the road once, quite hard?

Go on. Don't drop it.

The paperwork involved

in replacing it

simply doesn't bear

thinking about.

Well done. Put it back.

What did it do?

What?

When Norman

banged the stick,

what was it for?

Hello.

Mum, please, don't.

lt's our farm.

Don't sign it.

This is all

self-explanatory.

Oh! So is this.

And that.

And you just sign it there.

Where is the pen?

For heaven's sake, Phil.

Never mind.

(GASPlNG)

They were here.

Bye.

lSABEL:
l thought

you wanted me

to sign the thing.

PHlL:
l don't understand.

Someone must've.. .

l don't think there

are any more pens, Mum.

Nanny McPhee.

Yes, dearie?

How fast can this

thing go, exactly?

(ENGlNE REVVlNG)

Look what l found.

(LAUGHS HUMORLESSLY)

Right. lsabel,

let's get this thing done,

shall we?

Let's get this signed,

lsabel.

l'll steady your hand.

Steady your hand. There.

(CLEARlNG THROAT) Just.. .

Just there, that's it.

What are we

going to do?

l don't know.

Yes.

l can't think of anything

that could stop him now.

(PlLOT SNEEZlNG)

(PlLOT SNlFFLlNG)

''S.. .' '

(SNEEZlNG)

(SNEEZlNG)

(BOMB WHlSTLlNG)

(CRASHlNG)

(lSABEL EXCLAlMS)

lt's a UXB.

MEGSlE:
What's that?

CELlA:
An unexploded bomb.

We have them in London.

Could go off at any second.

What?

What?

lt might not.

lt depends.

lSABEL:
But it'll

destroy the harvest.

lt's a sign.

They're coming for me.

MR. DOCHERTY ON BULLHORN:

Stop panicking.

Help is at hand.

They're gonna kill me.

Unexploded bomb!

They're gonna kill me!

Unexploded bomb!

Who? Who's going

to kill you?

The hit-women.

The lady heavies.

l'm here. Stop all

that panicking. Stop it!

l can't stop it.

l'm going to die.

l'm going to get

under the table.

l'm going to

put the kettle on.

Mine's a milk

and two sugars.

Thank God.

You have to arrest me,

and you have to

arrest me now,

before they get here.

What?

Arrest me now! l repeat...

Arrest you for what?

What's the crime?

There's got to be a crime.

Try forgery.

Norman, where have

you been?

To the War Office.

Dad's alive.

What?

Uncle Phil forged

the telegram.

Yes. Norman's right.

There's your crime.

Now will you arrest me?

MR. DOCHERTY:
Phil, you.. .

Look, none of you

seem to realize

that there could be

a fatalistic explosion

at any second of the moment.

Quiet, please.

Quiet, please,

all of you.

Norman, come here.

Dad's missing in action.

Go on.

But l can feel it in my bones

that he's alive.

Oh, well, then,

it must be true.

Thank you.

Thank you, my darling.

My darling.

My darling boy.

And Cyril.

Thank him, too.

What?

Cyril, you too?

Cyril, come here.

My brave boy.

Did you hear that?

What?

l'm a forger,

a villainous forger.

Leave it, Phil.

There's a bomb out there

what needs dealing with.

Bomb?

Bomb?

Quick, come and look.

Here's the cuffs, Phil.

Sort it out yourself.

Now, ''Bombs.' '

lt's a UXB.

That means

unexploded bomb.

But the barley.

lf it goes off,

it will be destroyed.

''Defusing your bomb.' '

No! No, no, no, no, no.

Cuff me to you. To you.

That way l'll be safe.

(PHlL EXHALlNG)

Can someone help me

with these, please?

You don't deserve any help,

you completely wicked person.

Please, l'm begging you.

Megsie.

Allow me.

(GROANlNG)

(EXCLAlMlNG)

l mean, thank you.

l am about to

disarm the device.

(TlCKlNG)

(GROANlNG)

He fell over.

l think he may

have fainted.

Who's going to

defuse it now?

Boys, check on Mr. Docherty

and put that ladder back up.

Celia, get his pamphlet.

You read out the instructions

'cause you've got

the best diction.

Nanny McPhee, please,

help me stop them.

Somehow, l doubt

that will be possible.

(SlGHlNG)

(GRUNTS lN FRUSTRATlON)

Anyone there?

lt's just, l'm not comfy.

CELlA:
''Defusing your bomb.

Three simple steps to

an explosion-free day.

''Step one.

Open the vent situated

by the tail fin.' '

CYRlL:
Open the vent.

NORMAN:
Open the vent.

CELlA:
Open the vent.

Vent (GRUNTlNG) open.

What's next?

''Step two.

Cut the blue wire.' '

CYRlL:
Blue wire.

NORMAN:
Blue wire.

These are going

to be too big.

What else can we use?

Has anyone got a penknife?

Oh!

Try these.

MEGSlE:
These are perfect.

Well done, Celia.

(EXHALlNG)

What's next?

(WHlSTLlNG)

TOPSEY:
Yoo-hoo!

TURVEY:
Yoo-hoo!

Hello, Phil.

''Step three.

Cut the red wire.' '

Red wire.

Red wire.

(MEGSlE GRUNTlNG)

Can you see it?

ls it there?

CELlA:
Have you done it?

Be quiet. l can't reach it.

(EXCLAlMlNG)

lsn't it exciting?

(ALL SHUSHlNG)

What?

(TlCKlNG STOPS)

l did it.

CYRlL:
Well done.

Jolly good.

CELlA:
Megsie, well done.

(RATTLlNG)

(ALARM WAlLlNG)

Uh-oh.

What's it doing?

What's it doing?

We've got such

good news, Phil.

We're not going to remove

your kidneys after all.

That's right.

Mrs. Big has decided

that kidney removal

just wasn't good

enough for you.

lt lacked finesse.

She wants us to

stuff you, Phil.

Stuff you, and put you

in the entrance

to the casino as

a warning to others.

You can't do that.

Oh, don't worry, Phil,

Miss Turvey's a professional.

Here is an early

example of my work.

And here's how you'll look.

(SCREAMlNG) No!

What does it say

about the light?

You can check yourself.

There is absolutely nothing

in the whole book.

Wait, there's a footnote.

''On certain enemy bombs,

there will be a step four.

''Cut the green wire.' '

l can't see

any green wire.

lt must be covered by

all this gray stuff.

lt's hard as nails.

Algernon, l don't want

you to miss the bomb

going off. Come on, dear.

Wait. Here.

''Warning, if the green wire

is protected with

explosive putty.. .' '

Putty?

''.. .red lights will come on,

beginning the countdown

to explosion.' '

(ALARM SOUNDlNG)

Why is that at the back?

We all need to

take cover right now!

Come down, Megsie!

Look.

lSABEL:
Megsie!

MEGSlE:
Mum, wait.

Megsie, come down now!

Mr. Edelweiss is

eating the putty.

lSABEL:
Megsie,

come down now.

(HlGH-PlTCHED WAlLlNG)

(GROANS)

lSABEL:
Megsie!

NORMAN:
Megsie, please,

come down!

CYRlL:
What's happening?

Megsie, it's too dangerous.

You have to come down now.

l can see the green wire.

(ALARM BLARlNG)

(POWERlNG DOWN)

(CAWlNG)

We did it.

My darling, come down.

You did it.

You did it, darling.

Come down now.

Well done, Megs!

You clever, clever girl.

Come down.

The bomb's been defused.

Oh, it was nothing.

(GROANS)

CELlA:
l knew you

could do it, Megsie.

Well done.

Lesson four,

to be brave,

is complete.

But Mr. Edelweiss.

He's full of

explosive putty.

Won't he go off?

(CAWlNG)

Take cover, everyone.

Leave this to me.

Go, go.

Go as fast

as you can!

(GlGGLlNG)

There.

(BURPlNG)

(LOUD RUMBLlNG)

(EXCLAlMlNG)

(ALL SCREAMlNG)

l can fly!

(SCREAMlNG)

(SHOUTlNG)

(SCREAMlNG)

Goodbye!

Well done, Phil.

(SlGHS)

(HlSSlNG)

(SCREAMlNG)

(EXCLAlMlNG lN PAlN)

NORMAN:
What's happening

to the barley?

(EXCLAlMlNG)

(LAUGHlNG)

(ALL EXCLAlMlNG SOFTY)

Cor!

(GASPS)

What's happened?

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