Neighbors Page #11

- (PEOPLE SCREAMING)

- (TIRES SCREECHING)

(LAUGHING)

I need backup at

2203 West Olmstead!

Delta Psi is attacking me!

I'm under fire right now!

I need backup! Over!

Well played, motherfuckers.

What the f*** are you looking at?

What the f*** are

y'all looking at?

- Well played.

- What the f***?

You can't tell anyone I showed

you this. Okay, baby?

Oh, my God.

Shut up, Scoonie.

I'm sorry, baby.

(ALL CHEERING)

No, guys! Hey, hey!

Oh, sh*t!

Holy sh*t!

My brothers need me.

(LAUGHING)

Holy sh*t.

(JIMMY GROANING)

Holy sh*t!

Did you break your leg?

Baby broke his leg!

I'm not a baby.

- Oh, no?

- I'm a f***ing man!

My God, Jimmy!

He's so light. He's all dick.

Thank you.

Keep your dick away from my wife!

(WHOOPING)

YOLO!

This is who I am.

Jimmy f***in' Blevitz.

You want this?

Oh, my leg.

Let's make a baby.

That'll solve all our problems.

Yeah.

(BOTTLES SHATTERING)

We are f***ed, man.

Yeah. We're f***ed, man.

I guess we're all going down

in a blaze of glory, huh?

What? No way, man.

Get out of here.

Dude, all that sh*t

I was saying the other day

about you and the fraternity...

F*** that, all right?

I was out of line, man.

This stuff is important.

I know.

Regardless of anything,

we're brothers for life.

This is on me.

I took it too far.

That's why you got to go.

- (SIRENS WAILING)

- You got a bright future, kid.

You're the smartest person I know.

I'm the President of a fraternity.

You could be President

of the United Nations.

There is no President

of the United Nations.

Yeah, but see, that's my f***ing point!

You know sh*t like that, man!

This is all my fault.

You're not taking

the heat for this.

I f***ing will, man.

- Brothers don't get divorced.

- Yeah, I know.

I'm a supernova.

Burn bright, die young.

I f***ing love you, man.

- I love you, dawg.

- I love you.

I f***ing love you, man.

Get out of here.

Be in this moment!

Live in this sh*t with me!

- I love you!

- I love you, too, man.

I love you!

- I f***ing love you, Pete.

- I love you!

I love you, too, but...

Get out of here, man! Just go!

Delta Psi.

Delta Psi, man. All right?

Go! Get the brothers

out of here now, man!

- Go, go!

- All right! Hey!

T-Bone, Gerbil, Jizzface, let's get

the f*** out of here! Let's go!

Delta Psi forever!

- (GROANS)

- Delta Psi this sh*t!

You've been a bad boy.

I'm gonna spank you.

(HIP-HOP MUSIC PLAYING)

KELLY:
That's our baby.

She's so sweet.

Look at her.

We're a family.

We are.

I love you.

(BOTH GASP)

(BOTH EXHALE)

- Holy sh*t.

- That was close.

- I could not deal with that right now.

- F***, no way.

- Jesus.

- I'm exhausted.

- That would be a f***ing disaster.

- Oh, Jesus.

We did it!

We did it.

We f***ing did it.

We did it.

- We did it.

- (IMITATES EXPLOSION)

Come on.

We f***ing did that sh*t.

We totally did it.

I think I was near one of

those oil drums for too long.

I think I might be

really quite stoned.

Me, too.

Life's crazy.

It is crazy.

I milked you.

You're a human being,

and I f***ing milked you.

We made a baby. Things have

changed. Everything has changed.

Part of our life is

just totally over.

Yeah.

- Just gone.

- Yeah.

- It's never coming back.

- No.

We'll never not be responsible for

someone until we're so, so old.

I think I like old people sh*t better

than young people sh*t now.

I love brunch.

Oh, it's the best!

And I get really excited when I

smell freshly ground coffee.

Me, too, because it's awesome.

Like, way too excited.

I want a tomato

garden. How's that?

I love going to The Container

Store and buying containers.

Me, too.

I love our hand soap

that's shaped like seashells.

Why?

It smells like lemongrass.

Me, too.

Do you think

we'll be good parents?

I think we'll be good

at it and bad at it.

BOTH:
Whoa! (LAUGH)

You know, when we had Stella, I

was afraid of missing the party,

but then I realized

that we are the party.

This is the only party

I want to be at.

You're gonna make me cry.

Don't cry.

Oh, my God.

Where did you get that?

I brought it into bed with us.

I also got some

ranch dipping sauce.

- Oh, my God.

- Mmm-hmm.

That's the best idea.

Yeah.

Mmm!

TEDDY:
Welcome to Abercrombie.

Come inside. Check out

some board shorts.

Hey, Mac!

- Hey, dude.

- What's up, man?

- What up, man?

- How's it going?

- Good to see you.

- Good to see you, too.

You're one of those guys!

- I am, yeah.

- Yeah.

- It's a pretty good gig.

- Yeah.

You'd be surprised, I actually

meet a sh*t-ton of girls here.

Not that surprised.

Your body basically

looks like a giant arrow

pointing right towards your dick.

- Oh, my God. Thank you.

- No problem, man.

- I think that's a compliment.

- It is a compliment.

We went nuts.

It escalated very quickly.

It escalated to a really crazy place.

That was really nuts, man.

How are the guys?

They're all great. They got

a big house off campus.

Pete's a fancy architect,

designing buildings and stuff.

How's the rest of post-college

life treating you?

It's good, man.

I'm having fun.

I realize I probably should have

studied a little bit more.

Little bit. (LAUGHS)

But I'm going to night school

to get my degree, so...

- Awesome, man.

- Yeah.

Well, it's still

really good to see you, man.

Great to see you too, buddy.

- All right, brother.

- Good to see you.

Bring it in for the real thing.

Nice, okay.

Good to see you, dude.

You know what?

While I'm here...

I've always wanted to do this.

All right. Wow,

you're really going for it.

- I'm doing it.

- Oh, man.

So, is it our posture?

Why do we look so different?

I don't know, man.

Just be free.

- Just kind of let it out.

- Okay.

I feel free.

(LAUGHS)

Welcome to Abercrombie & Fitch.

Can we take your order?

Welcome to Abercrombie & Fitch.

Abercrombie, Fitch.

- Welcome to Abercrombie & Fitch.

- How you doing?

Can we take your order?

- We're a great team.

- Thanks.

You make the store

more approachable.

What does that mean?

(STAMMERS)

It's like, I make...

I'm a more obtainable goal.

Yeah, you're like

the relaxed-fit jean guy.

Yeah. I'm the relaxed-fit jeans.

I made some blue meth.

It's Gatorade.

Oh, perfect! Great.

She's all ready to go.

This is gonna be

the best calendar yet.

Look at that, sweetie.

All right. Let's do it.

Who's my little Heisenberg? You are!

She's a little meth head.

No, she just makes it.

- (COMPUTER RINGING)

- Oh...

- Hey. Look who it is.

- JIMMY:
What's up, dude?

We're at Burning Man!

Burning Man!

KELLY:
Hey!

You guys should come here.

- Bring Stella! You can bring kids!

- Bring Stella!

- MAC:
No.

- No, we're making a Stella calendar.

Yeah, we got six months left.

She's Heisenberg.

She's Walter White.

- KELLY:
See?

- You're such a lame-o!

- Don't be so f***ing lame!

- Totally lame.

It's awesome!

It only gets better and better!

I feel completely comfortable

missing that party. Okay.

- We gotta go, okay?

- KELLY:
We gotta go.

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