Neighbors Page #10

Now, there is no higher honor in Delta

Psi than making it onto the wall.

And this year,

we will make it on that wall.

People have

hot-boxed showers.

They've hot-boxed cars.

Attics. Caves. Fire trucks.

Porta-Potties. Private planes.

But tonight,

forget the hot-box.

I give you the hot house.

MAC:
Holy sh*t.

- (CAR ALARM BLARING)

- This party is getting out of control.

- This is strike three.

- This is crazy.

- Strike three.

- Yes!

JIMMY:
Yes, hello. This is the

President of the neighborhood watch.

There is a giant party at

2203 West Olmstead right now.

They're yelling and fighting. The

ringleader's name is Scoonie.

He's a little scrawny piece

of sh*t with a giant dick.

- Come on, come on. Stay on message!

- I'm sorry.

They are sending the cops.

DISPATCH ON RADIO: We have a

disturbance at 2203 West Olmstead.

10-4.

(DANCE MUSIC PLAYING)

What is this?

Is this our flyer?

No, we do everything online!

Who makes flyers anymore?

F***ing old people!

Old people?

Thumbsucker! Let me see the

letter from the school, man!

Our school's insignia is in Latin.

This is in Jewish!

- What?

- We're not off probation!

The old people have the upper hand.

We got to get

everyone out of here!

We got to get everybody...

BOTH:
Hootie-hoo! Hootie-hoo!

TEDDY:
Guys!

DELTA PSI BROTHERS:

Hootie-hoo! Hootie-hoo!

Sh*t, they're hootie-hooing!

- What?

- They're f***ing hootie-hooing.

KELLY:
What does that mean?

That means they know

the cops are coming.

- I don't get it!

- MAC:
It's from an Outkast song.

BOTH:
(SINGING) Born and

bred up on the street top

Get the money and the sweet spot

And forever hollerin'

- Hootie-hoo

- When we see cops

Yo, cops be robbing niggaz blind

With the dollars...

- Okay, okay, we f***ing get it!

- I get it. I get it.

- That's the song.

- How could they know that's happening?

How do they know

something's wrong?

It's because of the Hebrew.

I put a little Hebrew in the school

sign, you know, like a coded game.

- What?

- What?

Check this out.

Inside the school seal,

I put sof hamisschak, which

is Hebrew for "game over."

What the f*** is wrong with you, man?

Why did you do that?

- Stop hitting me.

- MAC:
That's so stupid!

No! No, no!

It's like a wink, you know?

Like at the end of a heist,

you leave your calling card.

It's like,

"They got us again."

One big difference,

the heist isn't done!

We're mid-f***ing-heist,

genius!

(ALL PROTESTING)

Everybody out! Party's over!

Let's go!

This is not a f***ing drill!

Stop standing around!

Let's go!

Drinks down! No alcohol outside!

Get the f*** out of here!

Party's over!

Dirty Santa, let's go!

- Everyone's clearing out.

- Oh, my God!

Everyone's leaving!

This isn't a strike! It's not a

strike if everyone's leaving!

Sh*t!

It's Watkins.

Looks like the party shut down.

(SIREN WAILING)

Cops are here.

F*** me! Sh*t! They're sending

Garf out to talk to him.

He's so charming,

he'll get the cop to leave.

WATKINS:
Yo, is there a party

going on around here?

No, no. There was,

but I shut that down.

You got nothing to

worry about, officer.

That's really

responsible of you guys.

You must've heard we were coming.

Look, we're in a nice neighborhood.

We want to be good neighbors.

It's the least we

could do, you know?

We appreciate that, man.

- I'm gonna go now.

- No.

You're not trying to

get rid of me, are you?

No. No.

We've got to save...

Come on, we're so close!

- We gotta save this. What do we do?

- Okay, okay, okay.

Teddy's room. We got to

sneak into Teddy's room.

Fuse box. We'll turn

the party back on.

- Get the party going again.

- Get the party started.

- Let's go.

- Get the party started! Come on!

Grab the monitor.

Grab the monitor.

- What are you doing?

- I'm sneaking.

What the f***?

Don't worry about it.

Is that your real name? Garf?

Well, Garfield.

- Garfield.

- Garfield, yeah. Yeah.

- Oh.

- Yeah.

- Like the cat.

- My father... Yeah.

"I hate Mondays!"

"I hate Mondays!"

"I love lasagna!"

(BOTH LAUGHING)

Do some cat stuff real quick.

Be sarcastic or lick yourself.

Okay. All right.

(LAUGHING)

(MEOWING)

I love f***ing with you

when you high, man.

PETE:
Get the hell out of here.

Everybody out!

Hootie-hoo! Let's go!

All right, fellas,

get a move on. Hootie-hoo!

What the f*** is wrong

with you, man? What the...

That was, like, a distraction so

they couldn't see what was going on.

- Grow up! It worked.

- Okay. Okay.

Yeah. There wasn't

anything behind it.

You used so much tongue!

PETE:
Upstairs clear!

Hey. Do not let anyone

upstairs, you got me?

Yes, sir.

(CREAKING)

Holy f***.

What was that?

Shaggy, Scooby,

Jizzface, let's investigate!

It's open. It's open.

(EXHALES)

He's right there!

He's right there!

What do we do? What do we do?

What do we do?

- We got to get him out of there!

- Distraction.

Okay, distraction.

What? What do we do?

Distraction, distraction.

- I'm gonna jump off the balcony.

- What?

- No, no, why? Why?

- No! What?

(JIMMY GROANING)

JIMMY:
Oh, God!

(JIMMY SCREAMING)

F***! Sh*t, sh*t. Go!

What the f***?

Nice. He's gone.

He's gone.

- Come on, come on!

- Damn it!

One, two, three?

No!

JIMMY:
Oh, God! Oh, God!

My God, Jesus!

What the hell, bro?

What up, Teddy?

What the f***?

"B*obs" upside down!

I can't do "boob."

I can do "Bob."

I can do "cock."

I can do "C-O-K."

Sixty-nine?

Sixty-nine?

There's three numbers!

What other stupid number

combinations are there?

I'll never talk!

I'm unbreakable!

Jesus!

I'm not a distraction.

It's a distraction?

No! No!

I got it, I got it.

I got it.

Four-twenty?

Victory.

Boom! Yes!

BOTH:
Yes! Yes! Yes!

(CHUCKLES)

Yes. I'm gonna kill you.

- Go, go.

- Okay.

Don't open this door

no matter what you hear!

TEDDY:
This is it.

Mano y mano.

You are not getting

through this door.

Jesus. Okay.

F***, these kids

locked everything!

God damn it.

I've been wanting this.

I've got your number.

Ready?

Yeah, I'm ready.

Are you ready, huh?

Oh?

- Oh?

- Huh?

- Old man.

- Oh, my nuts!

Why the f*** do you keep fighting?

(GROANING)

(YELLING IN DELIGHT)

Yes, that felt good!

- MAC:
I hit him, Kelly!

- F***!

Oh, yeah!

(INHALING DEEPLY)

Okay, let's just

relax for a second.

Baby, let me in!

I can't let you in yet. I haven't

figured out how to open it!

Okay, f*** me!

Stay!

(LAUGHS)

What the f***?

(GROANS)

How'd you even do that?

No idea.

- Come here!

- No!

What the f***? Damn it!

Who still has waterbeds?

(PANTING)

Let's do this sh*t.

Suck my dick!

Suck my dick.

Yeah, suck it! Suck my dick.

No, no!

So gross! Ew!

That was very immature!

I'm Batman!

Oh! F***!

I'm Batman!

Ahhh!

Oh, sh*t!

F*** me!

God damn it!

Good luck with all

your problems, officer.

Really.

Get off of me!

God damn it!

- No, no, no!

- Yeah!

Oh, sh*t!

Kelly!

Kelly, honey.

- He's coming.

- Kelly, it's over!

Kelly, he's coming!

F***! Sh*t!

So long, neighbor.

(SCREAMING)

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