Neighbors Page #2

- (BOTH IMITATING DANCE MUSIC)

Baby's first rave.

(ALL IMITATING DANCE MUSIC)

- Baby's first rave!

- Baby's first rave!

(ALL CONTINUE IMITATING

DANCE MUSIC)

Wait. Sh*t! Diaper bag!

It needs to be restocked.

- I gotta get more sh*t. Okay.

- Okay.

You know what? She needs an extra

Onesie in case she craps herself.

I think I better pump.

- You gotta pump?

- I think I need to pump.

She wants your necklace. Give

me your necklace. Now, go pump.

We should get the cooler.

Okay, here we go.

Wait. If we're bringing the swing,

let's just bring the Jumperoo.

We have room.

I think we have room.

- Butt Paste.

- I don't know where the Butt Paste is.

I don't know where it is.

- Binky, Binky, Binky.

- I don't know where the Binky is.

Binky's over here. I got Binky.

- (BABBLING)

- Huh?

- We fell asleep.

- Let's go. Let's go.

- Okay, let's go.

- We'll go now.

Wait. Sh*t!

Another video.

Best night ever.

Look at how much

food I just ordered.

I'm not even hungry.

It's so wasteful!

We missed it.

Sh*t. Don't hit me.

I'm so tired.

I know.

Let's just go to sleep.

(SIGHS) Tomorrow's a new day.

(MUFFLED) Love you.

- Good night.

- Good night.

(FARTING)

Excuse me. Sorry.

They're actually really good.

They taste like vanilla, kinda.

They're awesome.

Pudgie, what do you got there?

- Moving truck. Moving truck.

- (HORN HONKING)

- There's a moving truck.

- Wow.

- Who do you think... Come on.

- Oh, my God.

Look, look, look.

What do we got?

Gay couple? Gay couple?

What is this?

What are they doing?

(INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS)

And what are these kids

in the pink shirts?

KELLY:
Is that a fraternity?

Yeah, they got big Greek letters.

Looks like a fraternity.

Oh, my God.

Look at that guy.

That guy's the sexiest

guy I've ever seen.

He looks like something a gay

guy designed in a laboratory.

KELLY:
Look at his arms.

Oh, my God. They're like

two giant, veiny d*cks.

It's like a gun show.

Look at the blonde.

I don't see which one you're...

Oh, you don't know

who I'm talking about?

That blonde dude with the red

sleeves? He's a handsome guy.

- What do we do?

- Okay, okay. I know what we do.

They're gonna be loud, obviously.

And they're gonna

f***ing party a lot.

Baby, this is a f***ing nightmare!

I agree. We need to go over there.

We need to f***ing tell them

not to do that. Right now.

As soon as they move in,

they know this

neighborhood doesn't

stand for that sh*t.

And we're f***ing grown-ups, we have

a baby, and they need to be cool.

- They need to be cool to us, okay?

- Yeah, yeah.

But... Okay, wait. Maybe we

don't come on strong, though.

Maybe we come on...

We act cool.

- We come on like peers.

- Yeah. Yes.

Totally, we be cool.

We take them a joint.

Yeah. We be cool.

- Right?

- Ooh! We roll them a joint.

- Roll them a spliff.

- Give that to them.

Then we seem cool.

They're thinking...

- We're hip.

- "Oh, they're like us.

"This could be us

in a few years."

Yes, respect.

- They'll want us to like them.

- Yeah.

Then we say,

"By the way, keep it down."

Exactly. Well, we won't

say it like that. We'll just...

- No, of course not.

- I'll say it. Like, we'll just...

You know, "Keep it down."

You're doing it a little weird.

- Do it again. Do it normal.

- Yeah. Like...

- I'll throw it away.

- Just throw it away.

Just like, you know, "If you

could just keep it down."

- Just say it normal!

- I can get it!

It's an important,

key phrase here.

All right, you do it.

You do it.

Okay, watch. I'm just

gonna do it like this.

"Keep it down."

Lift it! Come on!

Come on!

(HIP-HOP MUSIC PLAYING)

Wicca-wazzup?

- Hey! How's it going?

- Hey!

- Are you our new neighbors?

- We're your new neighbors!

Yeah!

BOTH:
All right!

- TEDDY:
What's up?

- (WHOOPING)

I'm Teddy. This is Pete.

(ALL CHATTERING EXCITEDLY)

What's going on?

And who's this little lady?

Oh, that's so sweet. No one

ever knows she's a girl.

What? Of course she is, because

you're a little princess.

So, you're the little princess.

You're a little...

Oh, she just scrunched

her little nose!

So cute.

What's her name?

- Stella.

- Stella, yeah.

That's the best name ever.

Are you kidding?

She's a little flirt.

Oh, like her mom, I bet.

PETE:
Mmm.

Cool.

Anyway, just wanted

to let you guys know

that in this neighborhood,

we don't keep off the grass.

- What?

- You know what I'm saying?

No way!

Legalize it, y'all.

A joint. Thank you, guys.

Also, if you could maybe,

just sometimes...

Keep it down!

All right.

Well, I mean, if you

guys ever need anything,

or we get too noisy, just

talk to me, or talk to Pete.

- We'll take care of it.

- Same with us.

- I mean, we get pretty loud over there.

- Yeah, yeah.

Game of Thrones, we get loud.

- When Khaleesi comes on, I'm like...

- (BOTH YELLING)

Yeah. It's crazy.

(BOTH LAUGHING AWKWARDLY)

- All righty.

- Well...

- Dope.

- PETE:
Cool.

All right.

- We're okay.

- Cool.

- Later!

- See you, guys.

- All right. All right.

- Nice.

Welcome to the neighborhood.

Take it sleazy.

GIRLS:
Bye, Stella!

BOYS:
Bye, Stella!

And now,

as President of Delta Psi...

And Vice President, we call...

Our first official meeting

in the new house to order.

ALL:
Chivalry above self!

Much like Scoonie's cock,

this year is

going to be legendary.

(ALL CHEERING)

I don't know if

you guys are aware,

but Delta Psi is

simply responsible

for the most epic

party moments in history.

(CHEERING CONTINUES)

Gentlemen,

take a look at the wall.

Travel back in time

with me to 1930.

(1930s MUSIC PLAYING)

Delta Psi puts on a

production of Julius Caesar.

A girl in the audience unexpectedly

hands one of our brothers a beer.

And after that one fateful sip,

the toga party is born!

Hold that gam steady, Pete.

(ALL CHEERING)

- The year is 1971.

- (1970s ROCK MUSIC PLAYING)

The US plays Red China

in ping-pong.

Meanwhile, back at

Delta Psi, our brothers

play a little

ping-pong of their own.

An errant ball lands

in a brother's beer,

and he just drinks it.

(WHOOPING)

(ALL CHEERING)

I give you beer pong!

(CHEERING CONTINUES)

The year is 1985!

- (1980s POP MUSIC PLAYING)

- Sebastian Cremmington and his brothers

are at the school pep rally.

They've been drinking

since the butt-crack of dawn.

Sebastian knows he has to throw up,

but he wants to keep partying.

What does he do? Does he

puke, or does he drink?

Why not do both?

I give you the boot

and motherfucking rally!

(ALL CHEERING)

So many party inventions.

So many party discoveries.

How are we supposed to stand

on the shoulders of giants?

Tell 'em, Teddy.

I'll tell you how.

Do you see that

empty space on the wall?

Let's fill it with dreams.

We are gonna end the year with the

most legendary rager of all time.

I'm talking even bigger than

last year's White Trash Bash.

ALL:
No, no, no!

Seems like an impossible feat.

But when we do it,

we will get our

faces on that wall,

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