Neighbors Page #3

amidst the rest of these legends!

(ALL CHEERING)

Yes!

Pete, do you want to tell us about

your first summer as a Delta?

My parents got divorced.

- And where did you go?

- Right here.

- And what happened?

- I cried.

Why did you cry?

Because I felt safe.

Because I was surrounded

by my brothers.

Brothers have a bond

that goes beyond friendship.

We are the family you get to

choose, and we don't get divorced!

- No, we don't.

- We don't.

To believe in the life of love...

ALL:
...to walk

in the way of honor,

to serve in the light of truth.

This is the life, the way,

the light of Delta Psi.

This is the creed

of our fraternity.

ALL:
(SINGING)

Can you take me higher?

(WHISPERING) Delta Psi.

Delta Psi.

Delta Psi, Delta Psi!

Delta Psi!

Delta Psi! Delta Psi!

Delta Psi!

Delta Psi! Delta Psi!

- (BOTH GROANING)

- (MUSIC PLAYING IN DISTANCE)

- Christ!

- What the f***?

They're so loud.

They're gonna wake Stella.

What do we...

What do you think we should do?

We should call the police.

No, no, no, no, no.

We can't do that.

We should go over there,

okay? And talk to them.

They'll listen to us if they

think we're cool, you know?

Okay. Yeah. Yeah, okay.

Okay.

Grab the baby monitor.

Hey, Mac, Kelly.

What's up?

We hate to be these guys, but do

you mind just, like, kind of...

Just keep it down.

Just a little bit.

A little bit.

The music?

- Yeah, yeah.

- Yeah, just a tiny bit.

First off, my bad.

Yo, guys! Music check!

We have neighbors,

for Christ's sake!

- Come on.

- Thank you.

That's a big bong.

Is that a two-story bong?

I really appreciate

you guys coming by.

Out of control.

Awesome, man.

Well, thank you so much.

That's all we wanted.

- Cool.

- Great.

See you guys around.

Okay, thanks, man.

Dope. Cool.

- Sweet.

- Yeah.

I think we should

invite the old people in.

They're old and lame.

I mean, yeah, I like their baby,

but this is no place for a baby.

Yeah, I know.

But they're our neighbors.

They can make our lives a living hell.

We need them on our side.

If we're cool with them now,

they'll be cool with us.

Hey, slow down!

Hey, there they are!

Where you going?

Do you guys want to come in?

You don't want us to come back in.

I mean, no, we can't.

We couldn't possibly.

No, no, no.

Are you serious?

- I think you should.

- Come on.

- No, we've got the baby, so...

- We've got the baby. We can't.

Come on.

Just real quick.

You have the baby

monitor right there.

We do, it's working.

It works perfectly.

You're, like, 10

feet away. Come on.

Super quick tour.

- Just the tour, maybe.

- PETE:
Just the tour.

- Just the tour. Cool.

- TEDDY:
Oh, it's so exciting!

Oh, yeah! Magic mushrooms!

Slow down.

What the f*** is gonna happen?

I've been doing mushrooms since

before the f***ing Internet existed.

That's a weird phone!

No, it's my baby monitor.

You should look, you can see her.

GIRLS:
Aw!

BOYS:
Peekaboo!

He's done.

- Peekaboo!

- BOYS:
Oh!

(MONITOR BEEPING)

Oh, no, no. The monitor

is not working.

I gotta get back. Gotta

get back, gotta get back.

I'm gonna throw up.

BOYS:
Whoa...

I can't...

Right there.

Yeah, yeah!

No, no, no!

(ALL HUMMING)

Do you guys want to see

something amazing?

Yes, I want to see

something amazing.

- BOYS:
Yeah.

- What is it?

(LAUGHS)

I know you're all wondering

why I brought you here.

Behold.

(ALL CHEERING)

- Wow!

- Good job, man.

Yeah, take a bow.

MAC:
(PANTING)

Wait. Wait.

(BOTH SIGHING)

Welcome to the lion's

den, my friend.

Yes!

This is my room.

Off limits during parties.

This is where we keep

all the important sh*t.

Alcohol, drugs, passports,

ping-pong paddles.

Those things are always

f***ing disappearing.

Yeah, dude. My bros is

always stealing my paddies.

Right? What the f***?

Holy sh*t! That's a

lot of fireworks.

Can we light some of

those off right now?

No.

Man, literally, the last time we lit

those off, we burned the house down.

(CHUCKLING)

It's not funny.

That was really bad.

Check this out.

Watch the yard.

- Ready?

- Yeah.

(ALL CHEERING)

That's awesome.

Welcome to paradise.

Hey, who's Batman to you?

Like, when you think of

Batman, who's Batman?

Are you kidding me?

- Christian Bale?

- Christian Bale.

Michael Keaton is Batman to me.

(IMITATING BALE AS BATMAN)

"Where is she?"

(LAUGHS)

Michael Keaton's Batman was like,

(IN RASPY VOICE)

"Hey, I'm Batman."

"No! Hey, I'm Batman!"

"No, dude, no. I'm Batman. This

is what Batman sounds like."

"I'm counting on it!"

"No, I'm counting on it.

I'm Batman."

We actually met

in college. Yeah.

GIRLS:
Aw!

Yeah, I was here for

an exchange program.

I was only supposed

to stay a semester,

but then he convinced me

to hang around.

- ALL:
Aw!

- Yeah.

What's cool is we're

almost roommates.

Dude, we are almost roommates.

Our rooms are, like, 10

feet away from each other.

Dude, we can have

walkie-talkies,

- actually.

- (GASPS)

It would just work all the time.

It would be awesome.

Let's get walkie-talkies and

talk to each other all the time.

- Walkie-talkies and earpieces and sh*t.

- Oh, my God.

That would be so dope.

It'd be so fun.

So, how did you meet Teddy?

I saw him.

He saw me.

Yeah.

It's a really romantic story.

Hold on to this moment,

man. Seriously, enjoy this.

Because soon, you f***ing blink,

and you're the oldest

guy at the party,

and it's terrible.

You don't seem old.

You seem like a senior

that took a year abroad.

- Really?

- Yeah, man.

Bottom of my heart.

You want to swordfight?

Absolutely.

ALL:
Aw!

MAC:
Epic night!

Crazy! I owe you, man.

- KELLY:
I really needed that.

- MAC:
Thank you so much.

Yeah, again,

if you can just generally

kind of, you know, keep it down.

Just keep it down.

- Just keep it down.

- Low.

That would be... That would be

f***ing... That would be trill.

You really want us

to keep it down?

Yeah, like, every night.

Yeah, try to keep it down.

I'll give it the old college try.

- Nice! That was good.

- Nice.

- Cool, cool.

- How is that?

Just make sure if we're too

noisy, you call me first.

Don't call the cops, okay?

- Okay. Yeah, for sure.

- Yeah.

- Do you promise?

- I promise.

Do you promise?

I promise. We promise.

You promise? Okay. Because a

promise is a big deal to me.

- Okay.

- Okay.

- We promise.

- Thank you so much, guys.

I hope you guys come over and

try and hang with us some more.

- Yeah, dope, dope. Cool.

- It was a good time.

I'll go tell them to shh!

MAC:
Yeah.

See you guys.

Great night!

(HIP-HOP MUSIC PLAYING)

Hey, Teddy. It's Mac again.

Your neighbor.

You said to call if

it was ever too loud.

So, we're calling.

It's too loud.

Can you please keep it down?

It's 4:
00 in the morning, our

baby's awake. She's freaking out.

Thank you.

Ten times.

I've called him ten times.

What do we do?

If we actually go over there

and tell them to keep it down,

we're gonna seem so lame.

We're gonna have to call the cops.

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