Neighbors Page #4

- We call the cops?

- Yes.

He told us not to call the cops.

Do it anonymously.

They do our dirty work for us.

We're cool, they shut up,

she goes to sleep. Done.

We have no blood on our hands.

We're innocents.

We're innocents in all this.

- It's a good idea.

- It's a good system.

- Let's do it. Okay, I'm doing it.

- Let's do it.

MAC:
Here we go. Here we go.

Here they are.

Okay.

I feel so lame. I can't

believe we called the cops.

They can't tell it's us.

They don't know it was us.

Could've been anyone.

- Could have been anyone.

- Any one of these people could have called.

We're not gonna

get caught for this.

Anyone would do this.

This isn't because we're old.

- Oh, sh*t! Oh, sh*t!

- Oh!

- Oh, sh*t!

- Oh, no!

MAC:
Oh, no! Oh, f***!

KELLY:
Oh, no.

He sold us out.

F***, they're coming up the driveway.

Oh, sh*t, they're coming.

- Oh, sh*t. They're right there.

- (KNOCKING ON DOOR)

- MAC:
Just go, you answer it.

- KELLY:
You answer it.

You answer!

You are gonna answer.

You do it.

You do it. You do it.

We're just getting

dressed! I'm naked!

- No, I see you guys right there.

- One moment.

Act like you just woke up.

(BOTH YAWNING)

Hey.

WATKINS:

Hello, are you Mac?

Yeah. What's happening?

You called about your neighbors?

No.

No.

I have a call, it's from Mac

Radner. That's you. Right?

Yeah. How do you

have that information?

We have caller ID.

We're cops.

Everybody has caller ID.

You're Mac Radner.

Okay, yes.

You called us.

Why did you call us?

I called the cops because

you were being noisy, man.

And I tried to get you to

stop, and you wouldn't stop.

They won't stop partying!

Officer, you know how it is.

We're just trying to get to sleep.

- We have a little baby.

- We have a baby.

- Mac's working in the morning.

- We got jobs.

They were at the party

with us just last night.

- Did you party with this kid?

- We don't party with them!

We shouldn't be in trouble. We

haven't done anything wrong.

We have a baby.

We're parents.

Well then, what do you call these?

I'm too f***ed up!

Ahhh! Ahhh!

WATKINS:
Well, it looks like you

guys were partying with him.

You party pretty heavy.

That's a joke photo!

- It's a joke?

- That's a joke!

It's not a good joke.

Okay, you know what?

Let's end this.

I'm sorry.

I rescind the complaint.

You can go.

No noise complaint.

You know the boy who cried wolf?

You're that boy.

- Okay, I cried wolf.

- Never call us again.

Never call you again?

You're the f***ing police.

Look, man, we're sorry.

You were being noisy.

We tried to call you.

I don't know what to say.

We called you five times,

you didn't answer us.

You made a promise

to me last night.

We were pissing.

We crossed streams.

Don't worry about it, you know?

"Hey, I'm Batman."

You know? Right?

No, we're done with that, bro.

- We're still cool, man. We're still cool.

- We're sorry.

I'm not mad.

I'm just disappointed.

Hey, come on.

Wait, let's just...

MAC:
What's that?

Those are for you.

What the f***?

Oh.

TEDDY:
You shouldn't have

called the cops, bro!

Okay.

- (ALL SHOUTING)

- Okay, very good.

Very good.

- KELLY:
Okay.

- Congratulations.

You better put that

in the recycling bin.

- All Of it.

- All Of it.

PETE:
It's like Edward

Scissorhands. Do you like it?

It's a really expensive bush!

I'm sorry, I felt inspiration.

What was I supposed to do?

I'm about to rip this

sh*t out of the ground.

(GRUNTING)

- F*** this bush!

- F*** that bush, man!

- F*** this bush!

- F*** that bush!

Harder, man. Yeah,

really get in there.

- Oh! Oh!

- God damn it! Kelly!

Whoa. Hey, man,

buy him dinner first.

F*** this bush!

(GROANS)

- ALL:
Oh!

- Sh*t!

Okay. Ha-ha.

Sorry, man. Sorry my ball

just got in your face.

(BOTH MOANING)

- I love you.

- Baby.

Oh, God.

I can't believe this is happening.

It's finally happening.

(ALL CHATTERING INDISTINCTLY)

- What the f***?

- Oh, my God!

Oh, no! Oh, no!

We can't be the only people

in the neighborhood

who are sick of

this bullshit, you know.

We've gotta get

everyone on our side.

We could lead a revolution.

Oh, no.

They're buying off the whole

neighborhood with their slave army.

Oh! Mrs. Haywood,

you're better than that.

I can't sell your house.

- Why?

- Well,

because the only people who would

want to live next to a frat house

is a frat house.

Oh, the university

might be interested.

I know the Spanish department

is looking for a new building.

Only thing, if you

sell to the university,

I'd say, optimistically,

you're looking

at losing about

half your investment.

MAC:
Half of all of our...

- We put all of our money in.

- This is all of our money.

We can't lose half.

But you keep half.

We don't need that!

What is that?

Sold!

And you keep making

money no matter what!

Real estate is a fickle b*tch.

Okay, maybe it's best you just go.

- Thank you for coming.

- Okay.

That was not helpful.

Well, okay.

- What are you wearing?

- What is this?

- What are you doing?

- Yeah.

We're throwing

a Robert De Niro party.

Should be pretty f***ing loud.

It's probably gonna go

pretty f***ing late, too.

I'm Taxi Driver De Niro.

Yeah, I'm Meet the Fockers De Niro.

I'm watching you.

I'm watching you.

Who painted that mole on your face?

Did you do that yourself?

Yes, I did. Yes, I did, Focker.

Who are you?

Oh, I'm Sam Jackson, you know,

from Jackie Brown.

Hoo-ah!

ALL:
Hoo-ah!

- That's Al Pacino.

- That's not even... Yeah.

Scent of a Woman.

ALL:
Hoo-ah!

There's no consistency here.

You're all over the place

with your references.

You're upsetting Jinxy cat.

Just stop doing this

stupid sh*t! We're sorry.

Hey, when you called the cops, you

violated the circle of trust, Focker.

We're sorry we

called the cops, okay?

Are you talking to me?

- MAC:
Yes.

- KELLY:
Yes.

Are you talking to me?

- Yes!

- Yes!

No, you talking to me.

- Are you talking to me?

- Are you talking to me?

I don't see anyone else here.

I don't see anyone

else here, either!

We're trying to talk to you.

"The path of the righteous man

is beset on all sides..."

What the f*** are you doing? That's

the wrong Sam Jackson speech!

Are you talking to me,

or are you talking to him?

(OVERLAPPING CONVERSATIONS)

- Just get off!

- Are you talking to me?

Shut the f*** up!

You get the f*** out of here.

Stop it!

Hey. What's nice

is in a few years,

we'll have a third

person to help us do this.

Hey.

What do you got there, sweetie?

Is that a balloon?

Did you find a balloon?

Oh, sh*t! That's

not a balloon!

- Oh, Jesus!

- (SCREAMS)

Oh, God! Oh, no!

Help! Help!

Get the f***...

Get out of my way! Move!

- Doctor! Doctor!

- Oh, God!

- All right.

- Hey.

Your baby

has HIV.

(GASPS) Oh, my God.

Is how bad this could have gone.

The condom was unused.

(MURMURING)

Are you f***ing kidding me?

Who the f*** says that

to a couple of parents?

Hey! Ma'am!

Chill out, chill out!

They are dangerous

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